Why some men won’t go down
Eva Sless
on 10 February 2022
39 comments
Oral sex. Going down. Giving head. Regardless of what genitals you have, one of the most pleasurable feelings one can have is the feeling of someone else's mouth on your bits. It's sexy and naughty, it's intimate and sensual, and for many of us, it can be even more pleasurable than penetrative sex.
While it's pretty standard practice in heterosexual relationships for the woman to go down on her man, when it comes to the reciprocation of that, it's not always a fair swap. According to a few different studies conducted by universities and even the CDC, there's a huge imbalance in the bedroom when it comes to oral sex. In almost all the studies done, over 60% of men said they regularly received oral sex from a partner, which was a huge difference to the less than 45% of women claiming the same.
So what is it about heading down to pussy town that makes some men decide they don't wanna take that road?
Porn Focus
Lack of proper, comprehensive sex education at a young age means many people seek out their sex lessons in other places... Namely pornography, and while we love porn and see its merit in the world, one thing we always reiterate in our blog is that porn is not a "how to" demonstration video, and using it as such can actually lead to bad, or at least not particularly great, sex. For the most part, mainstream porn is made for cis heterosexual men. It is very much focused on the man's pleasure. His dick. His enjoyment. While yes the women in it are loud and orgasmic and seem happy enough, the actual focus is far more on penises and the things they like to do with them. So, while oral sex on her in porn is often a part of the whole, it's very rarely done in a way that shows the deep, delicious, slurpy goodness that cunnilingus should be, and often seems a little tacked on and visually made to showcase a vulva (which can be a beautiful sight to turn a man on) more than to show how to pleasure one. So when that's really all you see and know of oral sex, and your focus on "sex" is all about how the dick feels, it can often just seem to be an unimportant part of the process and that's not necessarily the fault of the guy.
Past Rejection
In researching this blog I did a whole bunch of reading and talking to men about their oral sex habits and, for the most part, most of the men who were reluctant to go down were so because they'd had partners in the past who didn't like or want it. This is definitely something I have come across in my years as a sex educator and, like above, is far more reflective of bad sex education and societal influence than of anything to do with pleasure. For centuries women have been told sex, and anything they have to do with it, is wrong and dirty, and only for men to enjoy and for women to just give in to. They're told their natural aromas are disgusting. That their orgasms are evil. That their desires make them bad.
So they repress and hide and fill themselves with shame and close themselves off, and that includes to intimate partners and certain intimate acts. So a lot of men "learn" early on it's not something women enjoy or want, and because they don't want to face that rejection again they just stop trying.
No Confidence
If you take the problems that can arise from learning how to do sex from porn, and add them to the assumptions men may have when their oral sex advances are rejected, it can all blend together and turn into a real lack of confidence and understanding that just ends up being easier to not do at all.
Because so many women have shame associations with their genitals and the idea of oral sex, they don't often allow themselves to let go and enjoy the things that are happening down there, and that resistance can absolutely feel like dislike or rejection to their partners who, wanting to be respectful and good lovers, will then stop trying or wanting to try. Unfortunately, however, they will then possibly take that into their next relationships and, especially if there's not a lot of sex communication between the couple, the cycle continues.
That rejection, or lack of outward appreciation, can also manifest into them thinking they're not very good at oral sex and, in the way we all want to be good at something but maybe give it up if we find we haven't got that particular talent, so too do the guys give up if it's something they think they're actually a bit crap at but you're too polite to tell them.
Acquired Taste
While it was very, very rare, in my research I did come across a couple of men who just did not like it. Full stop.
They'd tried it a few times. They'd tried it with different women. They'd tried it with flavoured lubes, with dams, with all the confidence and desire in the world, and they just didn't like it, and that's okay. Whether it was the feel, the taste of it or the idea of it. And that's more than okay.
Men have just as much right to feel safe and respected in their intimate endeavours, and expecting them to do something they don't enjoy just because you want them to isn't cool at all. While yes, relationships are often about compromise and give and take, there are always going to be moments where one person has to put aside their wants or needs for the sake of the other, and sometimes (without being too harsh about it) those are the moments you may need to assess whether or not you're willing to do that.
Consent and comfort work both ways and if you feel like something like that (a non-negotiable incompatibility of any sort) is a deal breaker then it's probably a good idea to find someone whose compatibility better matches yours. If, however, it's something you can deal with and it's not really all that important, then I'm sure you can both find other mutually satisfying activities to do together.
Let Your Lips Do The Talking
Look, I know I say it a lot but did you know a relationship works better when you communicate? The thing is, there could be a really silly and easily fixed reason as to why he's not going down on you, and the best way to find that out is to ask!
Sure, he might end up saying something gross and offensive about dead fish but I'm going to tell you that a) that's probably actually the very last thing he'd say no matter what your subconscious tells you, and b) even if he DID say something like that then at least you know now what type of guy he is and you've not wasted too much time lying to yourself that he's a "good guy".
Like mentioned above, one of the most common reasons guys don't go down is lack of confidence and lack of knowing what to do, so what better way to rectify that than to offer to teach them!
Men love knowing they're good at sex, so a master class in "you" taught by the world's leading expert in "you" would be like getting a painting lesson from Da Vinci. And just think of the masterpiece orgasms he'll start painting with his tongue... You'll be smiling whimsically to yourself like Mona Lisa all day.
39 comments
Hungfun1982
More than a month agoTotally love having a long session tasting eating licking and making different parts of my girls pussy come. Key is, ajust to give a different orgasm with each session. Everyone's different and different ways to achieve and a fun trip.
ReplyHorny69ukeen
More than a month agoThe taste yum, I would rather eat a girls pussy than me get off, to have your head squeezed when she is bucking and so satisfied, you can't beat that and men should put the ladies needs first,
ReplyMandyMaree22
More than a month agoA lot of men are literally terrible at giving oral, what blows my mind is they think they have a clue. I know within seconds if I’ll cum from it or not. Not sure if men watch porn to learn but read something honestly, so much more then just running your tongue around and sucking a clit.
ReplyORALFUN33
More than a month agoLove love licking pussy anytime any day .
ReplyWifeGiftWrapped
More than a month agoOne of life's greatest, simple mutual pleasures. My personal view on this is that men who don't enjoy giving and receiving, need not apply here. This is a really good example of why communication and prerequisite chat is so essential before committing to a meet.
ReplyTheMrDon
More than a month agoThanks again for an enlightening insight into why we do what we do.. Thank you for commenting on why men sometimes 'don't go there'. In my limited experience chatting with guys, I've rarely come across a guy who is uninterested in going down on his lover. Personally, the aversion and fear has been from the other side, in the way you say.. A big thank you..
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ReplyTwistedhipster
More than a month agoI've rarely come across men that don't like it either unfortunately dating someone that hates it and was disgusted the first time I squirted
Account Closed
More than a month agoFor a long time i had never had a guy say no but in recent years it has become more and more common.
Some of the reason's I have been given is 'I only do that with a long term partner', 'I don't think I'd like it', 'It doesn't do anything for me' and yet they had expected to be given head. I love giving oral and get incredibly turned on from it, can even orgasm as pleasing a partner is such a turn on.
Have also had guys literally lick 3 or 4 times stop and ask how it was ....... hmmm shit lol .
It's an individual thing and yes some people have had bad experiences but some are just too lazy to bother.
FunforPassion
More than a month agoI find oral sex very intimate and I only enjoy it from men that I like .....if I don't really like hm or more like he doesn't really like me...I feel repulsed .....there's been a few times where my date didn't even greet me with a hug or kiss on the cheek...and then wants to go straight down there....Overall I'm not huge on Oral sex....I don't want to spend a long time on this activity ....I'm impatient.
ReplyBareNakedLady73
More than a month agoI was reluctant to open this article purely because I knew that 99% of comments would come from guys who "love eating pussy"
ReplyIn my experience, 99% of you are full of shit lol
3somewanted069
More than a month agoLove it if it’s shaved !!! Have no reservations, the micky juice made me gag the first time I met a squirter but I just stop at that point haha it’s hot to fuck it then lick then fuck it.
Replybigbadal70
More than a month agoOnce I get down there I have to be dragged up after alot of protesting. So fuck her for a bit then dive back down there for another go. Fucking love it.
ReplyMr22cm
More than a month agoAbsolutely love eating ladies out. One of my favourite things to do in the bedroom love the taste the pleasure for me the feel of her love sending them into a spiral of pleasure. Running my tongue anywhere and everywhere on her.
Replyspr.ez
More than a month agoI am definitely one of the few lads that generally doesn't go down and perform oral. I was very eager the first time but straight away was turned off by the taste of it, maybe it could have been a bad situation. However, it really lowered my sexual interest in wanting it.
ReplyHotfunadam
More than a month agoIf you do 69 together you can enjoy for 200% by licking sucking cunt/cock and the fuck will be hotter!
Replycuriostotry07
More than a month agoGetting pussy lick after peeing out side then getting fuck love it
Replycman01
More than a month agoPerhaps the most intimate act that I can perform. I love seeing how my mouth and tongue can reduce my playmate to a quivering dripping mess. I love the taste, the feel the whole experience
ReplyMoaningGlory
More than a month agoTo feel, see, hear, smell, taste a woman’s pleasure is the biggest turn on in the universe! I don’t need convincing…
ReplySmthnsw33t1
More than a month agoI love receiving and giving...I will cum and you will get whatever you want from me after that ? mind blowing as it sets the tone for the rest of the orgasms to following on my behalf.
ReplyUltimate warm up
Hectic38
More than a month agoI love to lick a pussy. I enjoy it
ReplyBut !!
Why someone women don’t think it’s important to keep it nice and clean (even though we both talk about it)before men go down on them.
It’s a big turn off for me as soon as you get closer and it smells bad.
Wicked2468
More than a month agoJust love it..... more important than intercourse to me.
ReplyDarkstud
More than a month agoI love oral on women. Once she is fully naked, cunnilingus is part of my foreplay routine. However, I am a man who takes health and hygiene seriously. I am crazy about a well showered natural smelling woman but when I go down on her with eagerness and get an unpleasant smell, it is a big turn off for me. I don't venture down there again on that woman. I have found most women take care of their pussy, smelling good. inviting and tasting delicious!
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ReplySinglegracie
More than a month agoEver heard of communication? There's other reasons for a smell down there other than she doesn't take care of herself! Maybe try talking with your next lover as there may be underlying issues and why should she miss out just because you think she doesn't smell the way you think she should
Account Closed
More than a month agoHer diet as much as anything has a lot to do with it, the same with men..
But who wants a foreplay routine anyway
OutdoorEd23
More than a month agoSame…they just need to wash properly.Would be the same if a guy doesn’t clean downstairs properly,yuk!
Good hygiene goes a long way for girls and guys.
I always make an extra effort to be clean and smelling nice just before a meet,not hours before.
jenoo1
More than a month agoI can't get into sex without giving oral first, or at least some form of intense foreplay on her
ReplyFootloose1
More than a month agoI'm a male and I love it . it's so amazing to go down and please a woman
ReplyI'll hold on to make sure she cumms
I love it:)
mayeus
More than a month agoHey, great article,
ReplyLet me say at the start that I love cunnilingus. I have had partners that did not like it.. I don't know their reasons but maybe you have covered them in your article. It was very frustrating (sexually) for me. I once had a partner who loved fellatio and she told me that she had had an ex that thought it was a derogatory thing for women and refused to let her fellate him. It's a strange (sexual) world we live in, But I find in fascinating .
IVAONE60
More than a month agoGoing down on a lady is so good I love doing it. I thing it's the best way thing going I love eating pussy exploring it with my tongue and teasing it's beautiful juices . It brings a man and woman together why should it be all about the man getting head women have needs too. If you go down on her and do it right then you will have the best sex ever. I guarantee it.
Replylooking70s
More than a month agoThere is nothing better than going down on a lady, hearing the moans, the twitches of her body as you pleasure her, kissing her inner thighs, tonguing her back passage is a delight as well, coming up for a little bit and passionality kiss each other , nibbling, licking sucking on her nipples kissing your way back down her body as you go down on her again - what makes it real special is when she squirts and cums all over you face. - must be doing something right.
ReplyZamboon
More than a month agoVery true - Ive always loved eating pussy - I thought my ex did too until not long after we had married she told me to stop as I gave her beard rash ... it had never been a problem before ..go figure!
These days I am lucky enough to have a regular friend who squirts almost at will and I love feeling the strong spurt in my mouth... and cream pies are divine ...
A few years ago I was seeing this lovely girl who complained that her previous bf refused to go down on her - I soon found out why - she had an odour - took me a long while to find the right moment to tell her to speak to her doctor about it - I think she did but things were never the same afterwards and we soon moved on - I think it was embarrassment ...
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoDiet can have an impact on odour in both men and women, down there, especially if they eat alot of onion or garlic..
Zamboon
More than a month agoI know - I think I own shares in a Pineapple juice factory
OzandViet
More than a month agoWith my husband it's never been a problem as he loves giving oral as much as he loves receiving it and has gotten better throughout the years. So that's why we both love 69 and I personally think is the best sensation that two lovers can do to each other before making love.
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ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoTotally agree with you going down on eachother is the best thing. I love it so much
wickedcat
More than a month agoI learnt many, many years ago (from my first wife) that I loved licking pussy .... and over the years I have refined my "talent" of exploring all those delicate labial folds to locate the "right" spots to be able to illicit multiple orgasms from my sexual partner ... sometimes to the point of exhaustion.
ReplyIn the past, I have come across a couple of women that said that they didn't like to receive oral sex as it didn't do much for them .... and my response at the time was that I would be grateful to be given the opportunity to change their perception, and the orgasms that followed did just that ... lol
What can I say ..... I love what I do .......
Friskybeach
More than a month agoIf your not going to give it, then don't expect it for yourself..
I've also met women who are happy to have you go down, but she doesn't return the favor..
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ReplyWomanscrumpet
More than a month agoI agree - I have met several women that don't like giving oral; sex is not so much fine when such a basic thing is off limits - I can understand anal being off limits but oral - nup
Fuckudeep129
More than a month agoThere's nothing wrong in going down on a lady i luv it, can do it for ages, luv licking the clit and tonguing her hole i like hearing her moans mmm
Reply