There's a growing trend in online articles and blogs that kind of irks me. I'm sure you've seen it. Pieces that claim that the only way to really enjoy/wear/experience something is to be a certain age, and anyone of any other age attempting to do so is just sad and desperate.
Smug 20 year old bloggers imperiously decreeing that anyone over the age of 30 must never even consider the thought of wearing leggings as pants. Condescending 30 year olds espousing their wisdom on how travelling Europe can only be fully appreciated after you've left those frivolous “youth years” behind, but before you get too old and boring to enjoy sleeping in a field with 1000 other festival goers. There are 40 year olds telling everyone else they're too young to appreciate and understand “good music” or otherwise are too old and out-of-touch, 50 year olds who decree that they, and only they, make the best grandparents, and don't get me started on the Grey Brigade and how they're the only ones who could possibly enjoy a caravan/cruise holiday.
When it comes to sex and sex bloggers I see the same trend and it bugs me just the same. Yes, sex in your 20s is vastly different to sex in your 50s, but neither of them are better or worse or more superior. It's just how life works. Yes different ages allow us to enjoy and experience things in different ways. But it's ridiculous to put an “age limit” on enjoyment and appreciation.
So, as a counter, we have come up with our own version.
What's the best age to have sex?
Why, it's the age you are right now!
Experimentation, self exploration, discovering yourself, discovering how the whole thing works... The teens really are the most unique of all the ages because it's all completely new and fresh. This is the time where you start to learn all about what makes you tick and what doesn't. It's a time for awkwardness and fumbling and trial and error. It's all so new and can be a little overwhelming at first. But it's a time of “firsts” and that's always exciting!
Plenty at 20
HAVE ALL THE SEX!!! The twenties begins to open up “real world” sex. We're not in high school any more, Toto. The sexual universe opens up as we begin to explore our adulthood and our desires, and it can all be a bit of a blur as we try and cram as much experience (not just sex) into our lives as possible. Sex in your twenties is often alcohol fuelled and party heavy, so inhibitions begin to loosen and things we weren't so sure about in our teens may seem more appealing and exciting. You don't have kids. You don't have a “career” yet... Let go! Fuck everyone! Who needs sleep?? Enjoy!!
They don't call it your dirty 30s for nothing. Especially for women. This is the age where, according to most scientific studies, women begin to reach their peak sexuality and really start to come into themselves as sexual beings. This is partly due to hormones and other chemical things, but it also has a lot to do with the psychology and head-space many women find themselves in when they reach their thirties. They are often far more content within themselves and their lives that sex and sexuality becomes part of that positivity. The 30s is where the majority of women begin opening up their experiences by attending swingers parties and other more open lifestyles.
Ooh the naughty 40s! By the time you reach your 40s you have a pretty good idea of what it is you like and don't like. You're pretty secure in your own skin and have usually (not always) got your shit together in your life. Because of this freedom, both personally and in general, you are far more likely to be focussing on the sex more than the cellulite on your thighs or the wobbles in your belly. It's also interesting to note that, statistically, many women become single again in their 40s, and so a whole new world of partners, experimentation and self discovery can happen but this time, unlike their 20s, they have a clearer understanding of themselves, their bodies and their sexual confidence.
Many people I spoke to in their 50s said they felt that this was almost like a recharging of the teenage years/twenties. The kids have pretty much all left home, they are more financially secure and settled, and, according to a few different studies, both men and women said the orgasms they achieved in their 50s were better than any they had experienced previously. For some women, with menopause and other hormonal changes with ageing, this time can see a drop in libido and sexual enjoyment, but please be aware that there are medical treatments to help assist you to reboot it, and it doesn't last forever.
Menopause is over! It's time to start getting back to what you enjoy, orgasms! In fact, apart from the twenties, I have found in my long experience of working in adult shops, more women buy their first sex toy after menopause than any other age. It's a time to rediscover your body and its pleasure sources, and recharge the motor that may have been in hibernation during menopause.
Honestly, I don't think there's anything I find more adorable than seeing an old grey-haired couple holding hands and acting like young lovers. It's beautiful and such a great reminder to us all that sex, pleasure, romance and fun are not just limited to youthfulness and perky skin. Sex in your seventies and beyond is just as important and enjoyable as at any age and, according to my friend's 83 year old Nana “keeps me young and fresh! I swear I feel 60 after each orgasm!” Haha. Thanks, Nan. I promise I won't tell your grand kids it was you I spoke to.
So there you have it. The best age to have sex is the age you are! Don't go chasing memories or futures, revel in the time you are in and always remember to have fun, use safe sex, and always treat others with respect.