3 Secrets to Swinging Success for the Swinger Beginner

by Chantelle Austin - 05 June 2015 - 2 Comments
Succesful Swingers

Welcome to the swinging world! Life as you knew it is over and from here on it’s a brand new ball game… or multiple balls game, either way it’s meant to be full of fun, new sexual experiences and new toys!

I’ve written this because while swinging sounds like a grand idea, the “transition” phase from traditional to “swinger” is the most vulnerable time in your relationship. It’s a time where things can go horribly wrong or wonderfully right and it can be a fine line. Now I’m sure you are just as keen to keep your relationship together as you are to start playing with new people so let’s get down to business.

Here they are and in no particular order:

The most important conversation to have is boundaries!

No, this is not where the walls of the play area stop, it’s a list of sexual things you have to discuss with your partner so you know what each other are comfortable and not comfortable with. Second to that is committing to sticking to them. At the beginning most people are only comfortable with a small selection of options. As you play and become ok with that, you’ll likely find that you relax those boundaries. So keep that in mind when your partner says they aren’t comfortable with something, especially if it’s something you are ok with and desperately want to do. “No”, is usually just “no for now” and I highly recommend you revisit that discussion after every experience, as things do tend to change.

If there are any issues in your relationship, swinging will magnify them!

Sometimes you may not realise you have a particular issue until you are in a situation that brings it up. At that point you have to be able to communicate it to your partner and retreat from the swinging world to work on it before coming back. Many couples do this and find that their relationship is stronger for the experience and the way they handled it. It’s not always a smooth transition but this is how you learn and grow, your relationship has real potential to evolve here.

Be gentle with each other!

You won’t know for sure that you’ll be ok with something until you are literally in the situation. Seeing your partner enjoying someone else the first time can go 2 ways; you love it and it gets you hotter than an adolescent who’s just discovered himself in the PlayBoy Mansion, or it can bring up feelings of insecurity, jealousy or inadequacy. If that happens to your partner, go gentle on them, as much as they thought they would be ok, it’s not real until it’s real. It requires a whole new mindset to be able to swing and have it enhance your relationship, so listen to their concerns, address them with an open mind and find a solution together.

At the end of the day the most important person in your world should be your partner and during this new phase in your relationship it is going to take you out of your comfort zone, especially when you start admitting and sharing all of your deepest sexual desires (yes, even the one where you are dressed in latex with a whip in hand!). As other people are added to the mix it’s going to be exciting (like “I need a towel” exciting) but it will also present the two of you with opportunities to learn about each other and see your relationship in a new light.

In my book "The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples" I have a relationship test you can take as well as a long list of potential options to aid in your boundary discussion. It’s best to have talked about as much as you can before you hit the first bed (couch, massage table…), to minimise any potential “stuff” coming up when you’re in the throws of passion with that new sexy playmate you’re ready to pin against a wall! Go you!

Click through to watch an interview with Rach aka Chantelle and her husband on Channel 10

If you enjoyed this article then you might like to read How do you Satisfy your Swinging Appetite which is another informative article for newbie couples.

2 Comments

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  1. Rob.e.b

    More than a month ago
    What an amazing interview and handled so professionally and honestly by both Rach and Kerrie. You can't help but admire their devotion to each other and feel envy that they are able to openly discuss and take part in what a lot of people suppress inside themselves but really do want?
    Two amazing people and I wish them all the very best but they already have that...
  2. weusnco

    More than a month ago
    Openness and honesty (aka selflessness) is the key not only to swinging, but to every area of a committed relationship, regardless of creed or orientation. Thank you Kerry and Rach for explaining this on a public forum, and showing your commitment to yourselves, each other and the lifestyle! Love your work!

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