How to increase your chances of being invited to play

by Chantelle Austin - 08 September 2015 - 16 Comments

The best nights are the ones where you make such a good impression that the sexiest people in the room invite you to come and join them!  

Having been in the lifestyle for nearly a decade, I’ve seen some people do this really well and some do this… well, think of a train wreck and you’re getting pretty close, so to make it easier and to increase the chances of success and fun for everyone, check these out:

Go with the flow!  This means walking in with zero expectations of getting in with the coolest, sexy people at the party but hey, if it happens, bonus!  People instinctively know when someone comes in with expectations; those who are casual about the whole thing are unconsciously more attractive.

Be interested in them which means do more listening and less talking about yourself, your conquests, your magic pleasure skills and how awesome you are in bed… ugh.

Respect the partners!  Oh this is a big one.  If you want to get invited to join a couple you need to get the approval from the one you could be seen as being in competition with.  This means building rapport with them, listening to them, not grabbing or making advances with their partner in front of them without asking if it’s ok first.  They are the gatekeepers, you need to impress them almost more than the one you want to get naked with.

Don’t dive in before the Dive Master says go! There is room in this lifestyle for being a bit bold but the quickest way for the door to be closed to your potential invitation is to cop a feel, go in for a kiss or go to rip their clothes off before they’ve actually given some sort of confirmation, sign, neon flashing light to say ready, willing and what-the-hell-are-you-waiting-for?  Oh and no ALWAYS means no. If you hear it, move on.  End of story.

Take your time.  Don’t be in a rush to get them from “hi” to “what’s for breakfast?”  In this lifestyle couples are looking for quality so they aren’t in a rush and are put off by people who are pushy and try to rush things. Well unless you are in the dominant/submissive thing but that’s a whole other article. 

Be fun and easy to talk to!  This means being relaxed and being you. Be conversational, fun and a bit flirtatious without going overboard.  It’s the people who are comfortable with themselves and easy to connect with that get the invitations.  Also know that if being yourself doesn’t lead to a connection then they probably aren’t your peeps. When you connect with your kind of people, the fun and pleasure are awesomely amplified!   

Ditch the drama and gossip!  When you’re getting to know a new couple, don’t talk about other people you’ve been with or know about, no need to share the dramas they are going through or the scene they made at the last party.  What happens in the head of the people you’re talking to is “what if they’re talking to someone else and share things like that about us?!?”  Don’t be THAT guy/girl. People want to know that you can be trusted and keep a secret… blabbering about someone else says the opposite. 

Build the relationship!  Even once you get the invitation to join in keep building a relationship with the partner of the person you can’t wait ravage or pin up against the wall.  If their partner starts to feel like you’re moving in on their territory, if there is any scrap of insecurity or jealousy then you’re going to trigger it and then all hell and zero-fun breaks loose.  The partner is the bouncer even after you get past the VIP rope so keep that in mind.  At ALL times.

Look and smell your best!  This one is really a no-brainer! Hygiene people, hygiene.

Compliments  People respond to compliments, we all like to be told how sexy, intelligent, amazing, interesting we are (and don’t forget to compliment the partner somehow too).  Like all things though, best in moderation.

It’s really not hard to shine and stand out above the crowd, sometimes it just takes time to find your perfect matches so be patient and enjoy the ride!

If you enjoyed this article then you might also enjoy 10 Tips to Make Your First Swingers Party a "F*CK YEAH" Experience!


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  1. GentlemanWolf

    More than two weeks ago
    A good article, and while its common sence for some, it needs to be written. Unfortunately, the ones that should read this probably wont...assuming they read.
  2. nativxxx

    More than a month ago
    bee a child of the earth playinn in the playground...jus ello from yhe otjersyde nd u be amazed reactionz can xause everlastinn axtionz wer thingz happen graduallee nd naturalee nd everywon has had phunn nd enjoyed everywons bean....memba its phunn wen wii plae?????????
  3. Banger86

    More than a month ago
    I Always do better in person, on-line is more difficult because you can't "feel" the other people's emotions. There the picture says most of it because unless your a novelist it's hard to convey the same amount of feeling.
  4. trythishard1

    More than a month ago
    This article is just common sense and probably goes without saying really .


    More than a month ago real tips.


    More than a month ago
    @AtomicCouple @trythishard1 We disagree! We were specifically asked by Party Organisers who have parties which invite single guys for this to be written. The guys are clueless, follow people around and don't understand what they're doing wrong.
    Account Closed

    Account Closed

    More than a month ago
    I agree with AMM.Editor
    Particularly males & not necessarily single males either.
    I,myself, do just that because unless you establish a relationship of sorts with the people you WILL not be invited to join into the fun.
    Our group is fantastic & we do talk regularly, you want to come back & have fun then you better follow the advice.
    SWINGWITHCLASS (Mrs 69madgray)
  5. FreddieFrapples

    More than a month ago
    Whats the secret to acting casual when you everyone knows your looking to score. I know about this fatal error but seem to make it all to often.
    Account Closed

    Account Closed

    More than a month ago
    Just be yourself, don't go in for a grope, be just as you would be anywhere else.
  6. Clickable

    More than a month ago
    How often it is I send a genuine message to a couple and the response is.....
    "You cock size :-)"


    More than a month ago
    That's funny, and others say they don't want a cock pic.


    More than a month ago
    Not a question I've ever asked. I get annoyed with the dick pics. What? Trying to prove your a man. I assumed you had one of those.
  7. johnb1953

    More than a month ago
    In a nutshell it's all about having great people skills, respecting other people's decisions, and taking your eyes of yourself to focus on what they are looking for. If they get what they want, you'll get more of what you want if you are attracted to them.


    More than a month ago
    Well said

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