The book sold over 100 million copies. The film is possibly the most hotly anticipated new release in recent history. What is it about 50 Shades of Grey that gets us all so hot under the (leather studded) collar? Surely 50 Shades can’t be that far removed from every other sexy romance novel on the bookshelves – because let’s face it – that’s really all it is - a Kinky Mills & Boon.
Apparently not. 50 Shades incorporates a number of kinky elements that would generally fall under the heading of BDSM (that’s Bondage & Discipline / Dominations & Submission and Sado-Masochism for the uninitiated) - and at a point in time when the world is now ready to incorporate a little more creativity and play, excitement and sensuality into their sex – all areas that BDSM serves very well. In fact in a recent survey of over 7,600 Australians by Adult Match Maker 60% of Aussies revealed that they like a bit of kink in the bedroom.
If you’ve read the book or booked your seats for opening night, you may also be wondering how to bring a few shades of grey back home. This is where I come in. I teach beginner BDSM tricks and techniques, as well as the theory and safety to women who are ready to start exploring this exciting sensual world. But I won’t be showing you how to submit and let your partner dominate you – Oh no no no… I teach women how to flick to switch - so to speak – and take back the control.
Not that there is anything wrong with either role – and as I explain to many a student – many of us have the ability to enjoy both Dominant and Submissive roles – and “switch” as the term suggests. But from browsing on line and reading messages and profiles here on Adult Match Maker – it seems more and more women think that submission is their only option, and more and more men are assuming that the majority of the female population are looking for their own Mr. Grey.
One of the most common questions I am asked is “How do I get my partner turned on to the idea – how do I bring it up and get him involved”. My answer is the same for anyone wanting to try something new but a little nervous or afraid of what the response will be - and that is “Bring in a friend”. Now don’t get carried away - I don’t mean actually bring in a third person ! No – broach the subject a little like this…
You: Oh I ran into Jenny from down the road today – you know – the one who just got married? Yeah – they just got back from their honeymoon – oh my goodness you should have heard some of the stories she was telling me! I never knew but apparently she’s into a bit of bondage – she was telling me how she almost couldn’t untie Rob from the hotel bed!
(You might get a polite chuckle at this stage from your man – gauge his interest at this point and if you think its there – push on)
You: Have you ever tried anything like that before? You know – been tied up? I was thinking maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing what it’s like…
Can you see where I am going with this audience? This is why this tactic is what I like to call “bring in a friend”.
And of course then we have you gorgeous singles. If you are hoping to find a new partner whose kinks play well with yours there are a number of things to look out for when looking for new playmates on Adult Match Maker. The BDSM community believe strongly in their three guiding principles - SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL, so bearing that in mind:
- Be WARY of any messages you receive from people who straight off the bat launch into a description of all they want to do to you. Just like the book's title character, Mr Grey, these people have no regard for gaining your consent and involving themselves in any prior discussions around your limits, your desires, safe words and so on – which are an absolute must when experimenting with any BDSM play.
- Be AWARE that many people who are regular participants in these activities also do so with a number of other partners. Non-monogamy and polyamory are both quite common within the BDSM community because of the fact that it is very rare to find the one partner who shares all of your kinks. Couples within the BDSM community will often have additional play partners to satisfy their different interests.
- Be OPEN to all of the exciting possibilities and experiences that you are about to explore! BDSM at its core is playing with Sensation and playing with Power – this can be done as gentle and sensuously as you like – and when you find something you like, hell yeah! Take it to your limit, breach your comfort zone and never look back.
Mistress Jane runs workshops for women in the Art of Authority and the Fun of fantasy – in the privacy of your home, with your friends and can tailor a workshop to suit any need or audience. Contact her here to make an enquiry or a booking for your next girls night or hens party. You can also follow her on Facebook