The Secret to Attracting the Elusive Single Female (Unicorn)

by Chantelle Austin - 19 March 2014 - 33 Member Comments

The Secret to Attracting the Elusive Single Female (Unicorn)

It’s no secret that single women are the hardest to come by in the swinging lifestyle and being a minority, they are the ones who are in the highest demand. Many couples want to have that second female to fulfil on either the man’s fantasy of having women to himself, or for the woman to explore or fulfil her bi-side. So there are some things you should know and understand if you are to find and attract a single female playmate to join you in fulfilling your fantasies.

Above all else, keep in mind that she has the bulk of the power! With so many single guys and couples competing for her, she is the one who determines who gets to spend time with her and who doesn’t but not only do you have to stand out in order to get the first invitation, you have to be extraordinary to get additional invitations.

And how do you get her to open that door? I’m so glad you asked, since this is the total point of writing this article huh.

What I’m about to tell you is insider information having had regular single female playmates as well as being the single woman for others. Just keep in mind that this is not for ALL women as there are always exceptions to the rules (we women can be complicated), but this is a great place to start…

  1. Stand out! You have to be different to every other Tom, Dickhead and Harry hanging around. You stand out by the way you approach and treat her… Too keen and too pushy are complete turn offs so don’t pressure her to give you her phone number or meet up with you, and don’t hang around her like a lost puppy dog waiting for any scrap of attention she may throw to you. Unless she’s looking for a sub (submissive) whom she can be a Dom for but that’s a whole other kind of playmate/relationship.
  2. Be interested and make an effort to get to know her so you can build rapport. The best way to build rapport, which gets you a phone number (and more) is to ask open-ended questions (i.e. no yes or no questions, or single answer questions), such as “tell me/us why you are a part of the lifestyle…” and then find the commonalities you have that you can share “me/us too…” Oh and don’t ramble when she asks you a question, answer her questions succinctly then keep the conversation coming back to her with more open ended questions, you are more likely to keep her interest if you do.
  3. Find out her fantasies and desires and aim to fulfill those too. She may have fantasies which you can help her fulfill if you take the time to find out what they are, in detail. Most women don’t want to think they’re just a toy; purely for someone else’s pleasure and then just tossed aside when the job is done.
  4. Give her control so she can feel safe; allow her to lead the pace and the way. Let her determine where and when you meet and play, as well as set any boundaries or safety nets she chooses. She may decide to let her best friend know where she is going and who she’s with during your date time, please don’t get offended or upset, she is just making sure she’s protecting herself as she doesn’t have a partner to create that safety.
  5. If you want her to keep coming back once you’ve had a play night, be sure to continue to include her until she leaves. Rolling over and enjoying your post play afterglow with your back to her may leave her feeling used. Debrief with her about the experience and encourage her honesty and input so she has the opportunity to voice what she loved but also what could be done “next time” to “enhance” the experience for her. This presupposes there is more fun to be had so do your best to wow her!

Ultimately it’s always nice to feel special and included and if she is coming into an established couple she needs to feel safe physically, emotionally and mentally.

Oh and it doesn’t hurt to treat her like a princess, be prepared by having her favourite drink (alcoholic or non) ready and waiting for her when she arrives, perhaps her favourite snacks or dinner on the menu, and offer to give her a massage to start things off… Who doesn’t want to be treated like royalty in some way occasionally?!

33 Member Comments

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  1. allinmymind

    More than a month ago
    In the time wasters article I just read, it said that not giving a phone number is a sign of a time waster. It obviously isn't. Not happy having to give one out the other day to stop being told off.
  2. 041Cat

    More than a month ago
    Reading this proved to be very interesting for me. I have been a part of quite a few "trios" as the extra female. In one particular instant the female pursued me and once I was involved, put so many rules on me and was so controlling it has left me extremely hesitant to be involved ever again. She was very sly about it all the whole time. She did it over time and would "punish me" if I ever stepped out of "her rules" and before you say anything, no it was not a Dom/Sub style arrangement. It ended very badly for her in not only losing me, but her husband also. So no, wasn't treated like a princess or anything like it, with the exception from the husband, a beautiful man who treated me with such respect (when she was not around) and yes we did make a few of each other desires come to life.
    Other meetings were a big hit and miss, some were wonderful where as others, again were not. There was one lady of the couple started the evening with a written list of items that I was not allowed to do and expected me to sign it before anything began.
    After the experiences I have had, I decided to stop being the extra female of a trio and complete withdraw from the scene all together for a number of years now. Partly scared that the original female would be at a gathering that I would attend, and partly so I could take time for myself and heal. Yes it was that bad.
    My suggestions for the couple is to really discuss the rules between each other and be honest what you each want to experience, be honest and upfront with the person you chose to become your M in the MFM or the F in the FMF and what part they are to play. Ask if you all are on the same page over a coffee or drink before diving into the whole thing, just take whatever time it takes to have the discussion.
    Sorry I went on with my comment, I hope I did not dampen any expectations.
  3. Sweetangelic3

    More than a month ago
    I have to agree with the don't be pushy.. I find that those that get angry with you cos your not pinpointing exact times of contact.. life comes before playing and we all have prior commitments. I can be hard to pin down because I am not a time waster and I have to work other things out to make sure I am there.
    I find its good to send a message the morning of the playdate (mainly to confirm) and not leave it as no contact for couple days and then ask just before alloted time what your wearing
    Great article...
  4. dangles74

    More than a month ago
    I haven't had a root for 2 years and I do every thing they say fuck

    Christie59

    More than a month ago
    Stop calling it a root might help!
  5. Clickable

    More than a month ago
    Interesting reading as always, I write this not with the primary concern of finding a female to play with others, but rather finding a suitable friend/playmate at the very least.
    Actually meeting a woman of similar persuasion or, for that matter, a Unicorn remains as elusive as ever.
    A recent interaction with a girl on here elicited the following response after sending her a genuine message.

    "I don't intend to lower my standard just to chat with you".

    I never assume someone is interested just because they look at my profile. I can only go by what is contained in their profile, the description of who they are seeking and if it is interesting enough, and may inspire me to send them a genuine message.

    I do however expect a modicum of respect in a reply, a simple....."thanks but your not what Im looking for is fine",
    ....not "I don't intend to lower my standard just to chat with you" forgive me, but that does come across as rather insulting.
    Not the rejection, I can handle that, and know the pitfalls and perils of online dating and expect that, it's just the nature of the reply as it lacks respect.
    If the person sending you an email doesn't meet your expectations, that's fine, I do have certain requirements too in the person I seek. I respect that and so should they.
  6. the.masseur

    More than a month ago
    Every woman wants to feel like a Princess - and rightly so.

    Since joining AMM a few months ago I have been fortunate (as a male) to be invited to join a few married couples to spice up their lives.

    My simple rules as the second MALE joining a couple are:

    1) The lady always sets the pace and is the barometer for what takes place. If she ain't happy it ain't going to happen. It might take a few meetings before she is ready to take that step into the bedroom.

    2) Be prepared for the unexpected and go with the flow - and make sure you perform! (I hear so many comments about men who have claimed to be this "big" and can "perform" for this long etc.. but when the big moment arrives - the "big" squid is damp, undersized and floppy. ie KEEP IT REAL - there is nothing worse (I guess) than not being able to do what you claim. How embarrassing - especially for the male making the claims.

    I have regular meet ups now with my small group of lovers and the biggest bonus is the close friendship we have built over and above the passion we now share in the bedroom together.
  7. Ozwaverider

    More than a month ago
    Great article,I guess I took a long time to grow up, but over the last 10 years or so I have developed into the sort of man you suggest. It took too long for my partner, but in the end that may have been a blessing in disguise for both us as well. Having the opportunity to start a fresh and also explore life and things that were not available in the past is like being reborn.
  8. PlaywithFriends

    More than a month ago
    This all sounds great if you are a single guy, but as the women in the relationship I'm not going to grovel and treat another women better than what I expect for myself
  9. pastelprincess1

    More than a month ago
    I disagree with part of #4: I much prefer guys that aren't wishy-washy about arranging something. I want to know before I waste my time meeting a guy that's too shy to touch me that he's assertive enough to take the lead.
  10. amber1515

    More than a month ago
    Its a shame more guys dont read this and put into action as so far the ones that do are more elusive than us unicorns. Couples on the other hand are respectful and courteous and enjoy my time with them.
  11. pyro.1969

    More than a month ago
    How about just to show up when invited as many of us unicorns have extremely limited play time as we are mothers and major bread winners in our single parent families.....and yes we have our little rules to keep us safe and yes we do get bombarded by both males and couples and groups... very insightful article. thank you
  12. L&S69

    More than a month ago
    i have no problem making the unicorn feel special but it seems to me this article at the end came undone by expecting you to treat her like a princess. i thought the goal was for everyone to feel special as a joint fun time not just the unicorn. i love to fulfill peoples desires and have no problem trying to do so but i have desires to as a female i don't want to just focus on her i want it to be about the both of us feeling special and having a blast while doing it. i am still hoping to catch the unicorn but i hope she feels that i am just as special as her!! Samantha

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