Meet More Women Online by Changing Your Approach

by Cam Langdon - 16 March 2012 - 33 Member Comments

A couple of the responses to my first articles here on AMM echo some of the feedback I’ve had from women who use online dating sites. And it’s this – so many guys have completely the wrong mindset when they target females that take their fancy on a dating site.

These women have told me that so many men come across as needy, clingy and about as exciting as a limp lettuce leaf. And this is reflected in the “woe is me” comments such as “I’ve been here for five years and not met anyone.” Really! You are doing everything wrong if this is the case. It’s not that all women are seeking “Mr. Perfect”, it’s the lackluster way that you present yourself that is holding you back.

The women are there – especially on AMM. Women looking to meet guys that aren’t – how can I put this nicely – dickheads, wankers, egotistical bogans or just outright idiots. Just normal guys with a happy disposition, who like to have sex on a regular basis, kinky optional.

Somebody once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And that’s what a lot of you guys are doing. Apart from some advanced dating techniques and methods that you can read about in my free e-book Turn Cyber Sex Into Reality, there are really only three key areas you need to get right to meet women online – profile, photos and first messages. That’s all you need to master to start meeting nice, average women with healthy sexual appetites. I know you can do it!

Here are some insider tips that will help you meet more women sooner.

Cheat off the other guys. Before you type a single word in your profile, do a search as if you are a woman looking for a guy. Look at a bunch of profiles, and ask yourself what would appeal to you if you were a woman. You will also get a huge laugh from some of the weird stuff people write about themselves, and you will start to feel better about yourself.

Print out your profile text. Put the kettle on, make a cup of tea, and read the profile you have written – out loud. If it sounds stupid, bin it! Once again, get a mate to give his (better, her) opinion about whether it really reflects you or not. Or if it sucks.

Spend a few dollars and get some nice professional portrait photos done – after you’ve been to the hairdresser is a good idea. The ones you took of yourself in the shower with your arm extended make you look like a desperate creep on home detention. These self-photos can be hot and sexy when a girl takes them, but not when men do it. Unless you have abs like Ryan Gosling, keep the nudity for later.

A photo of you sitting astride a motorbike or horse will get a girl more interested than a sad and lonely webcam shot. Indeed, some of the guys who commented on my last article have profile photos that score very low in the appeal stakes – that zoomed-in webcam photo taken in the middle of the night in your claustrophobic bedroom almost guarantees you will get passed over every time.

Get your first email right! You have one chance to impress before she consigns your email to oblivion, so make an effort. Okay, so you don’t have time to write individual ones for each woman if you are going to write to lots of girls. Make yourself a “template” and adjust it for particular women, depending on their own profiles, tastes and desires.

As with your profile, with your email messages try to strike a balance between being too long-winded and too short. You need to make the girl feel special; that of all the female members on the dating site, it was SHE who caught your attention.

Be cheeky in your messages without being crude (you can step up the raunchiness factor later if she reacts to a bit of playfulness). The words pussy and tits are banned at this stage, okay? If you can use a degree of humor, go for it. It might sound corny and obvious, but women really do love a good sense of humor.

And remember, if something isn’t working, try a different approach. Think about that definition of insanity – have you been on AMM for a long time with poor to average results but never changed your approach/profile/pictures? Then try something new!

Here’s a bonus. A few years ago I asked a female friend to let me see some of the appalling messages that guys were sending her. No female would ever in her right mind respond to them. If you are sending messages like the ones below, you need to reassess your approach – NOW!

hmmm im bi and kinky like to chat?
cool profile......... u play with attached men in open relationship, i am after a lady for reg sexual fun, also someone to connect with interlectually as and real and goes great in bed too hehe
I am very versatile and love 2 please and satisfy darl. I would like 2 know more about u, I am good at what I do and would love have some fun with u

33 Member Comments

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  1. pitchblue

    More than a month ago
    Quite funny, first comments only by (mostly) frustrated men, and then all by for females. Thank you ladies for the comments, some of them are quite interesting. The article is nice, although I would say this should be a little bit more into "being honest" than "marketing ourselves". Cheers.
  2. misscoquette24

    More than a month ago
    As a girl on this site - Cam has hit the nail on the head with this! And in response to some of the comments I am not here for some vapid ego boost, neither am I interested in your attention if I'm not interested in you!

    It doesn't take much to write in full sentences, and it doesn't take that long to put a line in an email that shows you've read my bio. Let's face it if you can't take the time to read my profile I doubt you'll be taking the time in bed!

    Thanks, Cam, I hope more guys read this and take it on board!
  3. motorcade

    More than a month ago
    The men who are most unsatisfied with the site are the ones who think that any woman on it is here to service men; ie provide free sex. Newsflash! Go buy it cheapskate! Sure we want good NSA sex sometimes - but not with anyone who asks! Stay chill and learn as you go, just like the women do. If you expect nothing you may be pleasantly surprised.
  4. tropicalrain

    More than a month ago
    Cam I was very impressed with your article.I often get the 'what you doing tonight sexy' or 'like me to come over and look after you'. The emails I respond to are the ones that have a degree of intellectual conversation, a certain amount of humour.I have made amaziang friends from AMM and to this day still in contact with many of them. I have been on the so called straight dating sites , RSVP, Oasis, Plenty of fish Ive tried them all. For me AMM in the most successful, realistic and of course providing you meet the genuine ones and weed out the crap.
  5. OfficeWench

    More than a month ago
    Some very genuine points from both sides. Personally, I refuse to pay for membership again. After hours of checking profiles and making sure that I'm sending messages to guys with 'compatible' profiles, not guys 'out of my league', not even so much as a 'Thanks, but not interested' in response most of the time.
    Guys it's not just you who cop the rudeness, ignorance and arrogance of the opposite sex on here, women cop it as well. Must agree with one thing he wrote though, the approach does have a lot to do with my response. Sleazy lines are a big turn off and so are profile pics of your cock. I want to see your face first and your cock later. Stimulate me mentally, make me grin and the world is your oyster
  6. KittyKat143

    More than a month ago
    There are some home truths in the article, that's for sure. I have not been on here long at all and have already met someone very nice, to our mutual satisfaction. In fact, I have every intention of seeing him again, hopefully on a regular basis. His messages to me were honest, respectful and funny...a good sense of humour and no arrogance at all. Just a genuine guy looking for someone to have fun with. Please guys, if a lady states specifics in her profile, such as the age and preferences of the guys she is looking for, pay attention! If she has indicated politely that she is not interested, take it on the chin and move on. It doesn't hurt to express yourself in intelligible language either. Just a thought! Anyway, good luck everyone. Have fun!
  7. lovinglady123

    More than a month ago
    I so understand that this is an adult site but resecpt goes a long way on both sides. I my self lets the guys know if Im interested or not and do it in a good manner.
  8. itslogicreally

    More than a month ago
    Cam couldn't have laid it all out any better really.The majority of messages i receive on here are down right abhorrent.No effort,no respect and defintley no class.
    Even when i receive a message or wink from someone that doesnt interest me, i will ALWAYS reply with a very polite thanks but no thanks, and i have to tell you the amount of return responses i get full of venom and nastiness is appalling simply because i have done what i perceive to be the right thing and respond.I get everything from "i'm full of myself" "You aint that special honey" "i dont want a fat chick anyway" (i'm volutuous not fat....just sayin :) ) and much much more.Turn someone down on here and be prepared for conflict.Thankgod i can see straight through all this behaviour as desperate, egotistical and majorly insecure people who i wouldnt socialise with IRL for their attitudes towards others.
    A little effort does go a very long way, and it's not about having an ego stroked it's to do with respect and how you treat people.
    And sorry i have to disagree with the dating thing.AMM markets itself as "Adult Match Maker is the largest singles dating and sex personals service in Australia" so it is a combination of both.
    It is the people (both men and women) in society who like to treat it as a free brothel, that have tried to turn it into a pure sex site.That's not the case at all.I know a pletherer of like minded couples who have met on this site, purely based on the fact that they have the same open-mindedness towards their sexuality, without fear of having to hide it, which in turn creates a better open communication environment, which any intelligent person would realise is a crucial glue for maintaining a healthy long term relationship.
    This site use to be great!!!! So much so i met 2 of my best platonic male friends on here and a long term FWB and a couple of great ladies.The last couple of years the site has just attracted and been frequented by people with no social skills whatsoever and thus it has turned into purely a financial gain for the administrators purely based on other's behaviour
  9. Tweetness

    More than a month ago
    I agree with Elizadolittle. I am a very broadminded woman but hate shots off cocks with semen coming out of them. I also am not turned on by messages "I want to fuck you, call me". Where do men get off saying we will go to dinner, then expecting me to pay half and then want to eat me in the carpark outside the resturant. At least get a room! Are there any single blokes on here anyway?
  10. Copernicus1987

    More than a month ago
    If anybody sees Cam's articles as 'emotional' or 'deluded' then save your money and put it towards the professional help of a good psychologist. Yes, we are all adults that want to meet up for some casual fun or a little more, however, as this is the Internet, your personality (which is the first thing EVERYBODY sees) will be the point of scrutiny. Your approach to people via your profile and messages will say a lot about you. Present yourself and acknowledge that other person with dignity and respect. You can still maintain an enjoyable and ongoing sexual fling without degrading the person with a malevolent persona. Nobody in their right frame of mind would want to meet anybody with the mentality of a sex offender that is complimented with a filthy bedroom ‘cock shot’.
  11. Stephie_Jo

    More than a month ago
    There are time wasters of both sexes. It's simple - DO NOT EVER forget that there is an actual person on the other side of your computer screen. It's obvious we're all here for a good time - that doesn't mean it's appropriate to go straight in with the filth. Entice the person. Be cheeky, be suggestive. A proposition should be more than 'Nice tits, I'd love to fuck the shit out of you'. And if it's not to you, you're doing it wrong.

    Also - if you're going to take a cock shot, just post one. We don't need to see it from 8 different angles. We get the picture.
  12. 333touch

    More than a month ago
    Nearly 100 messages in 24 hours plus winks. 1st impressions are important. This guy is on the right track. Make changes and try again. Professionals and dolls can provide what your after, if the mind stimulatpion aspect of the female human is in the way of what your after.
  13. kizzmyazz

    More than a month ago
    Seems the guys that have replied on here are the worst offenders. Maybe Cam isn't the "wanker" you think he is gmds2, after all, the females that have replied have backed up everything he's said. Food for thought guys...
  14. elizadolittle

    More than a month ago
    Women like to feel wanted and not used. Too many men on this site want to use women purely for sexual gratification. They can be rude, crude and downright disgusting. Women don't want to see "cock shots". The men that do well on here, actually know how to talk to women and respect women. Finding out about a woman, doesn't necessarily mean she wants a relationship, it just builds to a mental and physical connection that women need to go to the next level with a guy. Getting to know someone means you have a better chance of not being stood up. I agree with Cam, some profile pics are bad. Bathroom shots are a laugh. Oh and spelling, make sure your spelling is correct, not taking the time to check implies that you're either a) dumbarse or b) lazy.
  15. wildwomendo

    More than a month ago
    I run a dating workshop, I have assisted men and women update their profile to get what they want. One thing I found in common with everyone of my clients is their lack of committing to paper or cyber space what they really want. Be honest and say it, dont muck other people around. I want sex and am not afraid to say it. I dont have sex with everyone who asks and there are times when I just want company. Be honest with yourself first and then put it out there. My discovery is that there are a lot of men who want an emotional attachment or get emotionally attached after a few encounters. Since I am not looking for a relationship at the moment I discourage this with those I meet however, I encourage them to go and find a woman who does want a relationship. Just remember, there are women and men on this site looking for their next partner and there are those who want sex (great sex) so dont judge, just be honest with yourself about what you want. And have fun!
  16. MissyBehave

    More than a month ago
    Here's a tip...just have fun...accept that sometimes people may not be into you and move on...
    I agree with most on here we are here for mutual sexual satisfaction...that said be realistic about your expectations.

    Remember that women on average get heaps of contact and you do need to put a little bit of effort into what your write guys. I'm not saying you need to quote romantic verse; just being a little bit more subtle and it will work wonders!

    Furthermore, don't label it...labels are for items on a supermarket shelf...and at the risk of being rude you don't want to be left on the shelf! Chat to lots of women, meet for drinks or coffee and see what never know you just might get what you're looking for or more than you expect - be open to all possibilities life is short!

    Finally, if you want sex without respect as 'arasmas62' says 'Go pay for it!'
  17. shellys1968

    More than a month ago
    Well as a woman on this site l have to say that lm sure the ladies have it a little easier with all options so to speak, l never for a second confuse myself that this is a "dating site" l know that its a sex site but if l ask for a pic its doesnt necessarily mean that lm after a "cock shot". l believe that we all have our needs and desires, starting with a good rapport is a great way to start, then get into what your looking for sexually. ln my experience lve met some amazing people via AMM but lm sure we've all had our fair share of "the not so amazing" .. lol
  18. SensualAfection

    More than a month ago
    Here Here! Ms NortyNorth. Just because a woman is on this site and seeking regular casual interludes does not mean men have to treat her disrespectfully. All too often I have said to me "Oh your looking for a relationship" when asked what Im after and I answer "Friendship, companionship, great sex, affection and cuddles" Im not sure how that equates to a relationship, but obviously in a lot of mens minds it does. If I don't like you, I'm sure not going to want you in my body.
  19. arasmas62

    More than a month ago
    incfilly and MsNortyNorth make very valid points. Yes this site is for sex but I know I have also met some great guys on here (and plenty of wankers) and to expect sex without some sort of respect etc, well ... go and pay for it ... at least you'll get what you are after. I have to agree with the article as it is the guys who 'do it with style/humour' etc that win me over every time. I am certainly genuine as are many other women on here (and I agree the ratio sucks but it doesn't help us girls get a better choice strangely enough)but we aren't going to bonk everyone that asks for it ... honestly guys ... do you really want to screw someone that will open her legs for all and sundry? A bit of class and finesse go a long way you know. Some of the profiles I have read never get updated years after they were created. Take the advice ... try a new approach ... what have you got to lose??
  20. MsNortyNorth

    More than a month ago
    There are a lot of women on here just wanting flirt and have men tell them they are beautiful, just as there are plenty of guys who enjoy the chase and as soon as you say yes to meeting they disappear. Justwant2fuck go to a working girl if what you wrote is true no woman would want to meet you when you have made it clear it is all about you even with casual sex there needs to be some repour or the sex suffers and no woman wants to be treated like a free hooker. So many guys seem to think that because this is about casual hook ups ect and not everyone wants just that then they do not have to be respectful. Th guys who treat women with respect do go well on this site. I have met plenty of great guys and some not so, and as we run swingers parties lots of great couples genuinely looking to play, as the article says if you are not scoring then look at your approach.
  21. incfilly

    More than a month ago
    Gentlemen, Cam's advice is worth considering. I'm sure you can drastically improve your chances bu following his suggestions. You'll put yourself way ahead of the many men who put up a cock shot and say something like... " do you want some" or similar sentiments or photos that show a lack of personal grooming. There are men on this site who have profiles that are clear about their desires for sex but express it ways that shows some personal dignity. Those profiles are far more appealing to women who are seeking the company of a sexy gentleman with a healthy libido.
  22. HungAndHorny555

    More than a month ago
    I think "paddy138" and "aaaplay" sum it up pretty well. With 10 times more men than women on here, it doesn't matter how good you write your profile, or how smooth you are at talking, 9 out of 10 men on here are going to miss out, and that's a FACT. What have you got to say about that Cam Langdon.
  23. maturemale

    More than a month ago
    Have to agree with here2smile. Why do women wink or message you, (presumably indicating and interest in you) then when you spend the money to update your profile and message them that's the last you hear from them! Also, many of the women I look at (mature age) are looking for younger guys. Men over 60 don't stand much hope of connecting. Older women seem to think we can't do it any more.
  24. paddy138

    More than a month ago
    The only problem with being a non paying male member is that you will get nothing with the ratio of 10 to 1 as the bloody women wont make the first move because there are so many of us.
  25. mait01

    More than a month ago
    Some of you definitely need to get the book. The reason a few women don't go further is because of your stupid profiles.
  26. chickenlip41

    More than a month ago
    Girls lead you on you do the right thing, Then they BLOCK YOU, In my book that's just straight out being rude. Thats why I am not a paying member any more.
  27. gmds2

    More than a month ago
    Standard issue stuff again.
    The guy is a wanker trying to make himself look good.
    just like a lot of stuff on the TV news programs.
    I could write a whole book on the subject and it wouldn't be filled with dribble, just the truth about great sex. It's amazing how many people who have never had decent sex before.
  28. aaaplay

    More than a month ago
    I think that the 100 men to 10 women ratio, on this site,, makes not all,, but most women extremely choosy,, regardless of profile, pic, or first message,, more women, who actually want to meet a man,, need to join this site.
  29. Justwant2fuck

    More than a month ago
    It's a website for getting sex, not to fall in love. Sure you need to make an effort when you get a wink or reply however this man is seriously deluded if he thinks that this is supposed to be a dating site. Tell the boys how to get a root without the emotional commitment. And how to weed out the fakes if he wants to be of any relevance.
  30. Firefighter93

    More than a month ago
    think maybe you guys are just hopeless? or try to hard? ive had heaps of success off this site
  31. hornnnne

    More than a month ago
    i tend to agree with the last comment,,some females lead you on then turn on you for some reason,and some just take things the wrong way,but on saying that there are some very nice females to talk to.
  32. barr61

    More than a month ago
    think here2smile sums it up pretty
  33. here2smile

    More than a month ago
    would be good if he knew what he was talking about.
    99.9% of women on these sites are purely here for ego boosts they talk the talk and are incapable of walking the walk. these sites should be called flirting sites as that is all that happens women leading on for thier egos and that is based on 100% experience

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