I only have one velvet purse

Self isolation without a doubt is driving us all a bit crazy, Not only can we no longer get out and about,but being confined to barracks behind virtual fences is causing cabin fever, and driving randy blokes out of their senses. I know this is a fact because at any one time there is now double the number of horny blokes online.I kid you not it’s like feeding time at the zoo.And just between me and you I am totally inundated with messages from blokes who are sexually frustrated.
And because my sisters are few and far between it means I get to be the cat that licks the cream.
However although its flattering I find it’s also overwhelming,
and leaves me in a bind because how do I know which blokes to choose online? So here are my suggestions if you are vying for my
attention.Firstly boring chit chat ping pong messaging is a pain and drives me insane. And another thing if you fail to engage my brain my interest soon will wane Further more if
your aim is to impress please refrain from crass and vulgar crudeness.Rather the art of tasteful seduction will get you to first base, and bring a smile to my face.And another hint I almost forgot, if you address my vanity with flattery it sure excites my twat. But funnily enough a pic of your cock does nothing to light my fire nor kindle my desire.Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m a prude. Nor do I think cocks are rude. It’s more to do with the fact it becomes rather tedious perving on penis after penis after penis after penis.It doesn’t matter if it is short,thick or long. No, I’m not taking the piss,but let me tell you this. You see I’ve seen my fair share of dingaling member and jock, Of Rodger and Todger and Percy and Cock so I know it would take a fucking genius to identify which penis belongs to which randy stag. Now I try not to nag,but I will spot a red flag if you brag and boast you are a bonza shag. On the other hand it would be grand if you make me chuckle with mirth and glee because laughing sure gets me in the zone and sparks my interest in both you and your bone,but I trust you understand both my time and energy are precious, so I rather hope you are drop dead spunky and delicious. But this I warn if you are just another key board warrior who wastes my time with annoying messages in cyber space even when this pandemic is done and dusted I won’t be inviting you to my place. Instead I will reply ‘Sorry I have an over flowing dance card.’Lastly whilst I understand self isolation is hard for both you and your hard. However I only have one velvet purse so its impossible to have virtual sex in a parallel Universe with all you hundreds of boning up bards.
Perhaps instead may I suggest you enjoy a game of cards?
If that doesn’t work
And you are desperate to jerk
I suggest you splurge your need to scruff the ferret