Coming out of the Swinging Closet

by Chantelle Austin - 08 January 2010 - No comments yet
Coming out of the Swinging Closet

For some people who to tell isn’t an issue but there are certainly things that need to be considered before you tell people about your erotic lifestyle.

It’s up to you if you want people to know what you get up to… or not. You could keep it a secret so you can still have that cheeky grin on a Monday morning when asked if you had a good weekend knowing you’ve had sleepless, hot, erotic and playful nights with your partner and maybe various others… There may even be pictures or video but you say nothing…

Regardless, it’s not so important why you want to tell a particular person, I mean we all tell people for various reasons such as to brag or to let someone know we’re not really taken and if they had any wild fantasies about stripping us naked with their teeth and pinning us up against a wall then the door is open for them… or something like that.

What is important is to look at the possible left-fielders that might derail your life if it became known that you engage in sex outside your marriage/partnership. Here are a few questions to help you determine how casual you can be about your swinging lifestyle or how secretive you should be:

Would your job be jeopardised if your employer found out?

Are you in the public eye?

Would you lose friends, family or be ostracised by your community?

Would it affect your children’s lives?

When it comes to your job/career there are still some jobs/professions where could lead to dismissal (even if not directly) and while it may not have any major impact on your employment status for most, it can make others uncomfortable around you if they know.

You might be happy with your relationship and you understand how swinging works but not everyone is so educated. Some guys will think you’re suddenly available and hit on you (constantly) or avoid you completely. You will find some women will act as if you’re a threat (if you are a woman) and if you are bi then some will also feel personally threatened as if you are going to hit on them too. It’s almost like coming out of the gay closet 20 years ago!

Being in the public eye may be a reason you don’t want to tell people, since your reputation is a key to your success. Politicians, for example, need to get as many votes as possible in order to move into a position of power, and while it might be nice for them to admit they lead an open love life, the people they want to represent may not see it that way even if they are the best candidate for the job.

Alternatively, Will Smith admitted that he and Jada are in an open relationship and while it got a little bit of media attention, it was nowhere near the media attention Tiger Woods or Shayne Warne got for their philandering ways. It’s not hurting anyone and to be honest, it would be great if more people like Will and Jada were out there saying “this is who we are and we’re ok with that”.

Friends and family are great when they know how to love, support and encourage you although many are just human and as with some work colleagues, they may not understand how a swinging relationship works and some friends could all of a sudden feel threatened that somehow you’ll try to sleep with their wife or husband, or encourage their wife or husband to want to swing.

Jealousy and insecurity play big roles in how people react and it’s more a reflection on them than you. In a small town this could have a detrimental effect once the rumour mill takes hold. I have heard of people being “run out of town” because the small community felt threatened.

The beauty about good friends and family is that while they may have a knee-jerk reaction that’s negative, after some time they come to realise that you are more important to them and bridges are often mended (if they even needed to be). They often accept that you are doing it but don’t want to know about it, so no sharing your real weekend adventures around the dinner table when asked what you got up to.

When it comes to children you don’t really need to worry that they’ll be asked to change schools, it’s got more to do with their friends… If your child’s friend’s parents found out they may not want their child hanging out with yours, or at your house. The other side to that is finding out that your child’s friend’s parents are also swingers and if you ended up playing with them and it doesn’t work out, it could end up the same way… but if they turn out to be awesome playmates then family holidays just got a whole lot more interesting, for the adults anyway! Just be warned that at some point when the children find out that they may be totally disgusted with you.

Realistically if you are engaging in swinging and involving others (which the term “swinging” implies) then you run the risk of someone finding out at some point. People talk, people brag, people show pictures and information just leaks out. You can’t produce non-disclosure agreements and get everyone you ever meet to sign one so the only surefire way for this wonderful little secret to stay a secret is to not swing at all… It’s like falling pregnant and STD’s, the only way to be absolutely sure it doesn’t happen is to not have sex! I know, I know, we don’t need to go to extremes now, but it’s true.

I think the best strategy is to feel free to share with people who you know won’t care either way or who will become people you can talk to, and keep it a secret from the people who it could become an issue with. The best option is to make new friends you can talk to about anything. People who are in the lifestyle are great, then you don’t need to freak your normal friends out or run the risk of upsetting family or colleagues.

The up side to sharing your secret is that other people who have only thought about it will talk to you and ask you questions and you’ll come to see that there are more people either swinging or who want to swing than you realise. People will feel comfortable enough to share their sexy secrets and all of a sudden you’ll find your swinging circle start to expand through other avenues.

By being open about it you also give others permission to admit they’re swingers too and it is the 21st Century and a new decade where the sex positive movement is changing what is acceptable by society! Swinging really isn’t as taboo as it used to be, there are more people doing it than the number who admit it .

Shall I open the door of the infamous closet for you?

If you enjoyed this article you might like to read Help! Our Swinging Secret is Out!

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