7 Things People in Open Relationships are Sick of Hearing

by Eva Sless - 18 June 2016 - 27 Member Comments

Whether you're a swinger or polyamorous or just identify as “open” in your relationship, you're sure to have come across people who just don't get it, and have to put their two bob in. Being asked questions by your vanilla friends isn't necessarily a bad thing, people are curious by nature and things unfamiliar to them are often a source of interest. But it's often the way these questions are asked, and what's hidden behind them that can be frustrating, and often a little offensive.

Don't Steal My Husband/Wife!

Firstly, your husband/wife is not like a packet of gum that someone can just pick up and squirrel away in their pocket without anyone noticing, they are a person and people are not easy to “steal”. And secondly, people in open relationships believe completely in trust, openness and honesty. The key word being “open”. Stealing your partner does not follow those rules and boundaries and would be completely against everything they stand for.

Don't You Worry About Disease?

Because of the nature of open relationships and the fact that they involve intimacy between more than just one person, people who are in them are usually very, very aware of the health and safety risks that go along with it. Safe sex is always practised and is often a hard rule within the terms of the relationship. 

I'd Never Let My Partner Do That

The thing is, it's not about “letting” your partner do anything. It's about both sharing in the relationship benefits and being mutually satisfied with the arrangement. But regardless of that, it's actually irrelevant. If you're not into open relationships then don't have one. It's not rocket science. You not being into it has no bearing on someone else's relationship.

Don't You Get Jealous Or Worry They'll Leave You?

Because communication is such a huge factor in open relationships, the conversations around experiences are usually pretty frequent and frank, and if any worries or concerns are present they're usually discussed and solved pretty quickly. But you also have to remember that the boundaries in their relationships are different than yours. So just like you might be fine with your partner admiring a sexy person across the room but have problems with them kissing someone else, another person has problems with their partner just admiring. Every relationship is different and therefore the jealousy triggers are different in each one.

OMG But What Do You Tell Your Kids?

This question is probably the most laughable, as well as the most offensive, of them all. It is so often asked in horror with this idea of kids being subject to orgies and debauched households of ill repute and it's just offensive. I mean, what do you tell your kids about your sex life?
 Do you tell them when you and daddy have a shag? Do you tell them about the ace blowie mum gave you in the shower before work? No, of course you don't. So what makes you think people who have sex with more than one person would be any different? Sex might ruin your bedsheets, but it doesn't ruin your decorum.

You Must Be Really Kinky And Deviant

I suppose that all depends on your definition of kinky and deviant, but no. Enjoying more than one person, either all together or at different times, can definitely be more exciting and erotic than a shag with the person you've always shagged, but at the same time there are monogamous couples out there who engage in super kinky out-there practices that would make your regular threesome or foursome look practically virginal. Sex and sexual enjoyment is all relative. There's always going to be someone kinkier than you, and always someone more vanilla. 

Now I Know I Don't Think I Can Come To Your Parties Any More

Firstly, swingers. poly couples or couples in open relationships aren't like cats on heat. They don't have to fuck every person they meet and at every place they go to. It's not like they're sex-powered robots who must shag every hour to sustain life energy. They can do other things. Secondly, it's super presumptuous and a little conceited to think that they even want to fuck you, don't you think? I mean, what makes you so special? And thirdly, and most importantly, your swinger friends know you're vanilla. They know. They know you wouldn't come to, or be comfortable at, a swingers party and they wouldn't want to put you in that position. So be assured that if they DO happen to invite you over for a party, it's just a party. They're not going to ask you to put your keys in a bowl. They're not going to suddenly put on Barry White and set the jacuzzi going. They just want you to come over for a Saturday BBQ and a beer. 

If you do happen to be a monogamous person, and you find out a friend is not, it's cool to be curious, and it's fine to ask questions. But just be mindful that even though their sex life is different to yours, it's still their sex life and it's still personal and private and theirs to explain or not as they see fit. And if you're that worried and preoccupied with other people's sex lives... Well, maybe it's not them with the problem.

27 Member Comments

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  1. RedPrincess

    More than a week ago
    There are good points on this article, but as a single female, i find I am judged by alot of couples on here, because I choose NOT to meet them. I get the ole "we are in an open relationship" line.
    Who cares! Just because you have a hallpass and trust each other, doesnt mean that every single person wants to be with you.
    Everyone has the right to engage or not engage with others.
    I choose single ppl, and feel judged by alot of the Polys because I wont partake!
    Goes both ways ppl.
    I probably would partake if you stimulated my mind more first!
  2. Melody2973

    More than a week ago
    Ultimately I think one partner is more into this than the other one from what I've seen personally. This often leads to trouble in paradise :(,
  3. trythishard1

    More than a month ago
    Good subject. I get sick of reading profiles that presume that just because I'm in a relationship, I'm cheating. Even though I make it clear I'm in an open relationship it is assumed I am a liar. Why are people so closed minded and judgemental when they have no idea how my relationship works? My partner can have sex with whoever she wants and I'm free to do the same. No secrets, no jealousy. Enjoying a night away with a different partner is exciting and refreshing. Quite normal I think. Monogamous couples don't know what they are missing. Are couples who insist on only playing together just admitting they are jealous insecure people? That would make an interesting article!!
  4. shoalguy73

    More than a month ago
    I agree for most parts except the safe sex comment. Safe sex is always practised? No that actually is not correct. I know a few open couples and am yet to meet one that does. use protection. But as far as open relationships go each to their own. Some like the variation. Like every poly relationship all are different in their own ways
  5. 1thatlikesthat

    More than a month ago
    The boundaries are all screwed up in an unbelievable way. You can't say there is trust because in a relationship of trust there is definite boundaries in an open relationship there is no boundaries. So one person can't just say I'm jealous as they let the other person fuck around. You either let those boundaries down and both fuck around or you have rules that don't have anything to do with trust and boundaries and when one person gets upset the open relationship is fucked.

    The trust is just as fucked up as the boundary lines. ??

    It's kinda like you either are in it or your not and if your not then there is no open relationship.
  6. CoffsCouple8285

    More than a month ago
    The one I'm sick of is. "Isn't your husband/wife good enough for you?"

    Yes, they are. 10 years and counting in a group of friends where 3-4 years and a messy break, possibly some cheating is the norm...


    More than a week ago
    Possibly but it does make me wonder why people swing ??, I wouldn't be cool with my husband fucking other women :(, you don't have kids yet, let's just see what unfolds :)
  7. Privateer76

    More than a month ago
    Cuckolding oneself. Only for the beta males.


    More than a month ago
    The implies the males aren't getting any.

  8. DelightfulMs

    More than a month ago
    Thank you Eva. Awesome article n very true on all the points made. Well done.
  9. Afterdarkfuncpl

    More than a month ago
    Fantastic reading and don't disagree on any point. From my side looking in at an open relationship I find that if the couple that live that way and have that trust together that they are great people and relaxed when having drinks/dinner with if you give them the respect and privacy they require and expect.
    Great article and great reading!


    More than a month ago
    So very true and agree with your comment J&J. Hopefully others can read these seven points and learn how easy life can be.

    Good read!


    More than a month ago
    Hey cheeky neatfun, good reading and thanks so much for your comment and your a fine example of what we call respectful towards others and the lifestyle people choose in life. The majority of people that we mix with in daily life simply judge way to fast think that because we don't live there ways of life that we are not normal however that's not the case.
  10. 3curious4

    More than a month ago
    Brilliant article
  11. Funandbusty

    More than a month ago
    Awesome article... So very true!
  12. Funforus22

    More than a month ago
    How absolutely hilarious and how utterly true. I wish we could send this article to all of our vanilla friends; a great way of articulating our lifestyle.


    More than a week ago
    It's not if your friends are vanilla, not everyone wants to share their partner and that's ok :)
  13. SassySandy

    More than a month ago
    Heard about a few mishaps as in the jealousy thing......I won't go there as some woman can become VERY insecure about their man being with another woman......will stick to the 3sum or gangbangs!!!! much more fun, relaxed and no pressure.....BRING IT ON!!!!
  14. joe2442

    More than a month ago
    Agreed on those "7-points". There's a lot of judgmental/and uptight people" for that matter too. Some people enjoy swinging, the same way some people enjoy Nudism and being nudists. The don't tell the kids thing is silly when one thinks about it. There parents who are Nudists(do the kids not get told about that), there are some who allow there children to be Nudists too, and often they get judged. Places in France allows Nudity in public e.g. you go the shopping centre Nude if you want. Not all swingers will sleep with everyone no. And the jealousy stuff may happen from time to time, but swingers generally attract other swingers to be there friends. Monogamous people can be very judgmental. Maybe there sex life is boring, and often why they mean to swingers/couples in an open relationship. Having a Hot Nanny(who often becomes a home wrecker) is not swinging if the couple are in a Monogamous relationship that's just cheating, or the guy left his wife for another woman, the nanny.


    More than a month ago
    I agree completely.

    The telling kids question was purely aimed at sex, not the relationship as a whole. I have many poly friends etc who have families with children, and who explain very well to their kids about their life and lifestyle... But yeah... This was more about the questions I, and friends, have received about how we explain our sex lives to our kids.


    More than a month ago
    Eva exactly, and it's no different you right swingers or monogamous couples you don't have and don't tell kids stuff they don't need to know, but monogamous couples think swingers somehow tell there kids more stuff than they do and they don't. The judgments some monogamous people make towards swingers/and Poly relationships is awful.


    More than a month ago
    When I read it, I thought it reminded me of how people act if you are having a large family. Eventually you have to stop because of the pressure and the rude comments. You would have to be very brave to have more than five as the same kind of thing would happen.
  15. Honeynhard

    More than a month ago
    Great article. Very true! It's made our relationship stronger in fact because we are much more honest, open & communicate a lot easier (not to mention the added bonus of improved sex drive). the relationships we build are as much about friendship as they are about sex.


    More than a month ago
    same with us hnh...its so great to have honest open communication and a strong relationship...
  16. Looklustlick

    More than a month ago
    I'm not in a relationship at the moment but it should be common sense your sexuality is your business and if your more open or adventurous than the next person good luck to you, but there are too many prudes
  17. hotfunnow242

    More than a month ago
    Good read. I've never had anyone pin me on this but now I have good idea on how I will explane it.
  18. funandliberated

    More than a month ago
    Interesting and very true. We find communication is the most important thing being involved with this lifestyle requires an frankness and honest line of conversation. We love reviewing our meetings with new friends very sexy.

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