Whilst I can’t claim to be envious of a man's penis
Who every designed it was a genius
And it sure gets my attention
So let me hasten to add a bloke's erection
Both bold and proud
Is truly a masterpiece to behold
This amazing work of art is also referred to as:
A Horn, a Boner, the Beef Bayonet, Percy, Roger Snake in the trousers the Night Crawler Love Muscle and a Hard On.
It’s said that this randy quirk of nature started with Adam in the Garden of Eden,
And the fact is that evolution deems
We inherited Adam's DNA in our horny genes.
So, next time you have an urge to play with your:
Pork Sword, Beef Bayonet or Major Nelson.
Remember you are honouring your basic instinct to slay the Dragon.
And as you no doubt already know Scuffing the Ferret is healthy for you.
So, to enhance your jerking off fun
This is what I suggest you do
Step one...
If your imagination needs a boost.
Some porn will no doubt help you cut loose.
But wait! before you give your Snake a much-needed squeeze
If you really! Really! care.
I implore pretty please, be fair,
Let your Roger loose to do as he pleases
Swinging free in the breeze
To strut like a Proud Peacock displaying his glorious glistening crown.
Because the healing qualities of fresh air is a fact that’s well renown.
Next wrap Mrs. Palmer and her Five Daughters around your Shaft.
No! Not like that! Are you daft?
Gently and with reverence works best,
And use warm coconut oil, because it has passed the test.
Not only is it edible, but it is also soft, and smooth like silk,
And before long you will be squirting your delicious milk.
So, have a towel or two nearby.
Cause one never knows where the cum may fly.
(Such a pity, and a waste,
That I am not available for the taste)
I kid you not feasting on the ‘Nectar of the Gods’ is second to none.
It almost brings me undone.
Cause I have an addiction I need to feed,
And confess it’s been diagnosed as ‘Cock sucking greed.’
So, this incorrigible, but wise crone
Is hoping my affliction you will condone)
But sorry I side tracked so I beg your pardon.
Now back to you and your Hard On,
I suggest you take your time, and let the full glory of your magnificent Beast,
Make you feel sublime giving you an erotic visual feast
And because you are taking matters in hand.
You will soon feel mighty grand.
And even better if you plant your seed
While honouring your Primal need
Because when willing bodies entwine
It's better than a glass of Ruby red wine
But remember when playing Hunt the salami with a lover
Don't hide under the covers
But, if you are in a public place when you’re Boning up, and want to Scruff the Ferret
Sadly, decorum requires you to grin and bear it.
Because an erection in public place is definitely out of the question.
Instead, may I suggest, you try distraction.
Or you may just need to remain astute and simply wait
Because with the fullness of time your Full Salute will eventually abate.
But if your Fat is still reeving up a gear,
And although it may sound queer
Hydrotherapy is a quick fix for a raging horn.
But the water must not be too hot or too cold.
Rather lukewarm is best I have been told.
Then in less than a jiffy that should quell the beast.
Or, at the very least.
It will tame your Stiffy for a while.
However, it’s best not to be too complacent or go into denial.
But, if the water therapy trick
Fails to quieten your Prancing Prowling Prick
You could try jogging up and down on the spot and see if that works.
Nevertheless, that option is mostly for the galahs, wowsers and total berks.
Because if you don’t honour, and pay homage to your ‘Erectcum
Life would become rather mediocre, and humdrum.
So, if you are out and about when your libido is high
I suggest you don't let a chance go by
But jump behind a bush away from the public eye.
Then right there under the heavenly sky
Simply salute your primal urge
Let loose and splurge!
Julie 2026