The Real Truth of Online Dating and Chat

The web has many benefits, but online dating is definitely not one of them. COVID 19 has driven me, due to pure boredom, to dabble with online dating sites. I am very quickly reminded of Yahoo Chat of the 90’s. And Yahoo Chat of the 90’s reminded me of the CB Radio fad of the 70’s. Okay, I was just a young kid in the 70’s, but I did occasionally hang out in the back seat of my much older Brother’s car as he ran all over town with his best mate being cool with ‘all the good numbers’ CB Radio codes. I even remember ‘88’ was kisses. But I am getting off track. What I discovered was that as soon as a female voice was heard on the radio, there would be a flurry of desperate male voices trying to get her attention and start a conversation with her. Eventually, if you ever did meet this girl, she was repulsive and unattractive. The point being, that this girl would get no attention in a bar. You knew she would never see a guy approach her.

We saw it with Yahoo Chat and again almost 50 years on; here we are seeing history repeat itself. Okay, I am ‘Old Fashioned’ I guess, but I think it is much easier to see a person across a room, smile and know with a look there is an attraction… note, I said attraction, not necessarily connection.

But in Online Dating, all of that is non-existent. It falls to superficial instantaneous gratification. You do not have body language, personality and all those small inconspicuous tendencies that make us attracted to another person. It is all down to a cleverly cropped, cheating angle and retouched image for you to imagine who this person is… and your imagination is then what drives you more than reality. You read a small amount of information that really means nothing. It is what someone chose to let you believe they are.

Now, not everyone lies. But everyone excludes the things we don’t like about ourselves. Obviously, you are not going to use the limited space of a profile for anything negative. And in doing so, we are only revealing a very shallow perception of ourselves. I have met a few people online and I have always been disappointed in the same way that I am disappointed watching a film made from a book I loved. But I am also aware as a writer and allow for this. I condition myself to have much lower expectations to the point of none and still am disappointed. Why?

I conclude that there are a lot of people out there available to date, but the ones I would connect with are not on dating websites. If they have the looks and mind to attract others in the real world, why would they be on a online dating site? I am not Adonis, but I am much more comfortable in a bar and can start up an interesting conversation with a stranger easily. I have decided to not rely on these sites, but people will often ask me, ‘why are you in the chat room?’

Well, it is simple. It amuses me! It passes time when I am bored and it allows me to associate and communicate with people that I would never attempt to communicate with in the real world. Sounds a bit snobby... Maybe I am a snob or maybe I choose to associate with those of similar standards I apply to myself. I am open to learning new things and I want to grow as a person. Online chat sites allow me to engage with people of different regions, cultures and preferences. But it is a rare occurrence to meet someone worthy of communicating with in this environment because central to these rooms are very insecure and damaged people.

A lot of these people who are in the rooms, and I mean every night without fail, are very much alone. As you observe over time, you know why they are alone. These rejects of society use this medium to project their delusion of who they can never be. They seek attention, but they are very fragile. This becomes very apparent whenever you have an opinion that triggers their insecurity or project any rejection of their person.

The female regulars in these rooms I suggest you avoid at all cost… If you take attention away from them, you will also become a target whether you be male or female. They are often passive aggressive and when you are smarter than them, which is not difficult, they become increasingly threatened. This will be obvious when you laugh at their ill thought out and predictable insults. Being secure does have advantages and especially so in a chat environment.

Then we have the male regulars in the room who also are rejects of society. These guys only see a Vagina and Boobs, something they rarely would get the pleasure of touching and for good reason and are completely blinded by the prospect of actually having sex. Even if they have never spoken to the woman, they will jump to defend behavior that is not acceptable.

It becomes a Clique of delusional individuals who think they are popular because they follow the room's a populous view. A view that a majority of society would laugh at and reject. You will see there is a pecking order and the women who are mostly unattractive and generally BBW will stand united in their attack on anyone who threatens them. They often don't even know what the discussion is about, but that is completely irrelevant as one person has triggered the insecurity of one of their own and they need that defense for when they are triggered.. This is their room, they own it and sadly, it is all that they have. If you are not part of the Clique and do not agree or blow sunshine up some woman’s butt, you should be prepared to be bullied and pushed to an argument so that they can report you in an attempt to have your membership cancelled.

I have never had my membership threatened because I do not breach the terms of chat but I am very capable of utilising words. I am not about being popular with people such as this as they don't matter. But there are people in the room who are at their mercy, which is why I write this. On a rare occasion, you will find people in Whisper who agree with what is described here who are too scared to speak openly in the room for fear of retribution. This is for them.