The day my sex drive came back

after thirty yrs of being overly medicated (dad was a prominent gynaecologist, obstetrician and surgeon, mum was a nurse so the answer to any and all problems was always medical) i finally got jack of being chemically carstrated and for a brief time when i was 44( am now fifty) after what seemed centuries i got liberation from the medication and with a huge surge my sexdrive returned with a vengeance!! i was premenopausal and im aware of what im worth so as far as i was concerned there was noone worthy or worth the effort around so i developed an interest in porn after despising it most of my life!! it became a challenge to find porn with the things i like such as beautiful women with naturally lovely tits wearing sexy lingerie and gorgeous men enjoying them. i became intrigued by mainly threesomes, double penetration which ive only done once and group sex. but i dont really like gangbanging as it just reeks of the woman being treated like s public toilet and due to alot of really bad, near death sexual experiences when i was vrry young i lack sexual confidence and have an enourmous amount of fear and inhibition. basically i need to feel cared about and safe. its one of the things id like to explore but could only do so with special people. i also began visiting "naughty but nice" the sexshop that used to be in the valley and got really brave out of necessity bought my first vibrator!! it was life changing as i began to "squirt" for the first time. i was so shocked i didnt know whether i should be ashamed or thrilled??? at the sex shop and online i began buying lots of very pretty lingerie. the tragedy was there wasnt anyone to wear it for who would appreciate it!! at this point i also began using my laptop to trawl the net for sex and to meet new people so i begsn using amm!!, this too was a liberating experience as i met lots of nice peeps. some of whome were looking for friendship, others lonely and looking for a relationship to those who just want mindless fucking never to hook up again. i was impressed as quute a few much younger, gorgeous guys were interested in me which was fabulous for my ego. at the time i was initially staying at my mums which
meant we would hsve to meet at a motel the meetings for sex and then later i lived in a boarding house and was the only woman amongst men. it wasnt all great. one guy sent me a message saying i look a hundred yrs old and that i was too ancient to be on the site then there was a couple who "turned on me" when i didnt jump to meet them for sex!! noone wants to feel pressured and put upon sexuslly!! its a total turn off. i also got really brave and sttended a sexclub down at sprungwood but discovered it was mainly fatties gangbanging 8 or10 guys infront of everyone or old, ugly tragics and theyre all really desperate. i shouldve listened to the door bitches who told me "nobody here is in your league here" snd they were right. the other thing i did was attend a sexparty at kedron in a specially assigned building out in her yard. it had a few attractive peoplje bur i was alione, self concious and gotally inhibited. i liked that the women all wear lingerie but i felt most of them had an air of supremecy and arrogance. downstairs was drinks and chatting. whrreas i went upstairs to go to the loo and realised this was where the action was happening. it was just a seething mass of unapoealing flesh and didnt appeal to me und certainly made no effort to get to know me or seduce me in. the majority had met before in the sceme. the host only invited one single man. the rest were loosely described as couples. so the single guy was designated to the hostess and she had ( and i desperately wish i had one) a can and leather black sex chair which was downstairs with the grog. he went down on her for ages which kinda turned me on but there was no way i was joining in upstairs. i endrd up leaving early particularly as i dont drink so i lacked dutch courage and was unable to overcome my inhibiitions. back in those days i was told by a friend i had the best legs and tits in tthe valley!! i was fifty six kgs for over thirty yrs so was confidenr back then but in tge last couple of yrs i pit on over twenry five kgs muxh to my shame and disstress. one thing was that i knew i was and knew i was very sexy hot looking chick!! ive siince list 13 abd a half kgs in the last six moinths thabkgod. i struggle becos i dont often see sexy, attractive people around. is there something wrong with me?, am i too particular?, i just dont want to make tge effort for anything short of extraordinary. one consultation about changing body shape is ive now got huge tits which has certainky got ne attentikn.