A FEW weeks ago after a game of footy that left us overheated and pissing sweat, my best mate Davo and I decided we deserved a few long, cold ales at the local before crashing back at his joint. A shitload of piss later, I was feeling fine and trying to stick my knob into anything that had tits and a heartbeat. Then Davo pulled me aside; he’d hooked up with a hot young chick and was going to take her home. Small problem: I had to get back to mine, but I had no money for a taxi. Stuff it – I decided to get one anyway. The cab was driven by a woman so hideous her mother must’ve been a yeti and her dad must’ve been a bucket of smashed arseholes. As we got close to my place I asked the cabbie what she’d say if I didn’t have the fare. To my surprise, she pulled into a dark alley and grunted, “If you fuck me hard, I’ll consider it paid.” I had no choice. We got out and I bent her over the bonnet. Reefing her knickers down, I realised that from behind, she didn’t look so bad. My cock rose to the challenge and I slid it into her hairy hole. Her love oven was the tightest I’d ever rooted. “Harder!” she commanded, and I gave it everything I had. As I pumped away like a superstar I felt her pussy quiver as she orgasmed. Seconds later I shot my sticky seed deep into her greasy spadger. I’ve never paid a cab fare since that night – and if I ever have trouble getting a root, I know who to call.