My Master

I had turned my phone to silent after getting a 4am text from Lara, so of course when you sent your text to say you were on your way, I was still asleep and didn't hear it come through, nor did I hear the text saying that you were 5 minutes away, even though by now I was awake and slowly getting my thoughts together. So I was going about my usual early morning routine when I heard your van pull into the backyard. What a surprise, a delightful surprise, but still, a panic surprise, I wasn't ready, I was still in my daggy night shirt I popped on quickly between naked sleeping and dressing for the day, I hadn't brushed my hair or washed my face even. Yet,here you were, smiling at the back door. You knew you had caught me out.
You came with gifts, another wonderful surprise, the Perfume is lovely and the scent is right for me, you chose well, of course.

Seeing your interaction with Joshua pleased me, I admit I was concerned how that meeting would be, as I am with introducing that side of my life to anyone .How you would react to my boy, he is so very special and an important part of me and my life. The early part of the morning felt so right, so easy, just sharing a cuppa while you set up the computer, thank you thank you for building this for me and setting it up.

I was facing a small dilemma however, I had to dress to take Joshua to mums, so had to dress appropriate for that trip, the usual Jeans and t shirt, yet, to dress in such a way went against the dress code you prefer, but I know your respect for the situation, and felt I was correct in my decision, and would re-dress when I returned. I am glad I made the correct choice. It is a small mind fuck though, what to do what to do, when I usually just do as I please to please me.

After coming back from dropping Joshua off, I was apprehensive about what your plans were for the day, knowing you had limited time and that we had not spent much time communicating in the previous week or more. Would we go out for a drive for the day, spend the day relaxing in the sunshine talking, or would we stay in and play. So when you said go change, I chose the sarong, thinking you would tell me differently if it was not the correct choice, these things constantly go through my mind,. What is correct, what will please you, what should I do to be the right choice...

To see you getting the ropes ready, my heart did a little yum yum flip, I am liking the ropes more and more. To strip the sarong off and stand before you naked, is getting easier for me, knowing it pleases you, I still have the fear there that my body does not please as well as a thinner younger model, but you accept me as I am, and find pleasure in your property, so that makes me more at ease in my thoughts. What pleases you, pleases me.

The snugness of my breasts bound in the ropes, feeling tight and sensitive, and to be told to get dressed, we are going out... oh my god ..OUT??? Out where... to do what,where are we going, who will we see, what thoughts are going through your head. To have the vibe then taped into place, and switched on. I have to trust, I have to set my mind into the position that you are in control, this is your property and you will do with it as you please, and I will be safe, and respected and cared for, no matter what your evil thoughts may be. Yes it is a mind fuck, and you do it so well. To have my breasts bared in the car, while driving is a huge rush, especially on the free way drive with all those cars passing by and around us, will they see, what will they see if they do see anything, will they recognise that these are my breasts bared for anyone to see, or will they go about their own business and not realise?

Back home, now what are you planning, stripped naked once again,placed on the coffee table,I must admit here in my thoughts it is so very hazy. The orgasms ripping through me, just over and over, the pleasure, the ecstasy, the squirting, just drifting into that pleasure place of no thoughts, just the deep feel of pleasure.

It was rather mean and evil of you to not allow me to go to the loo though, but, exciting as well, the mind is a funny place, the thoughts that went through my body,my begging to please, please let me up to go, but no, you wanted me to pee there in place, for you,what else could I do, but give you what you wanted? As much as it went against my grown up mind, this wasn't right, it was right, you wanted it, and you got it. To cum and pee and cum and pee, was a weird wonderful feeling,the pressure you placed on my bladder to make sure I would do exactly what you wanted. Slight humiliation, or maybe embarrassment, but not in the bad sense. It was fun.

Time stopped, the floaty floaty feeling came the more I came, the deep deep feeling of being there but being out of body, out of my mind, floating above, behind, away, of being there just feeling, just experiencing the flow of my body reacting to what you were doing. Begging to stop to please please let me think, to let me catch my breath, to just come back, but I didn't want to come back, I wanted to stay in that place I went to, but I couldn’t take any more . Down I went, no coherent thoughts. I remember feeling, not thinking, but just feeling I needed to kneel, to be safe to be in that place where I am nothing but everything, all at the same time, to place my head in your lap, to feel your comfort to slowly slowly come back from that place.

To be on my belly on the floor, just where ever I was at that time, to have the freedom to just cum and cum on almost my own terms, to have my legs closed against the ripping muscle spasms, to gyrate along the vibe on my clit, it was like going back in time to how I use to masturbate by myself, the position of pleasure for me when I was younger. It was wonderful to experience this again I had forgotten how much I enjoyed being on my tummy in this way. I felt like I was being given a reward for something I had done well,I don't know if that was your reasoning, but it still felt good to relive that time to just cum and gyrate and feel the up of the wave come on me slow slow and then peak.. To then feel your finger in my arse, I think it was your finger, was it? Whatever it was, It felt so good, so different, a very different but still intense type of orgasm.

Sucking your cock is a favourite past time of mine, I could do it for hours, I want to do it for hours, I don't know if I do it right, if I am good at sucking your cock, I want to be great, I want to please, these thoughts go through my mind while I am sucking. I want to swallow your cum, I want to be able to swallow every single drop. To be given that gift of knowing I maybe did right enough to make you cum and give me your juice. I am still learning of course, I can't swallow every drop just yet, I will have to keep trying I guess. It is much like milk or custard, or anything else that has that thick creamy consistency I gag, I can't drink milk or eat oysters or have anything like that down my throat without the gagging. I don't want to gag and spit, I want to swallow, to show you I can and enjoy. Practice.

I thoroughly enjoyed last night,and rather then leave this task until later in the week I decided to find the time early today while things are still fresh.
My first impression of you was glorious, I enjoyed the first sight, of a strong, powerful, mature man I would be proud to be seen with.

I felt in control and comfortable as hostess in my own home when you first arrived as visitor, but quickly saw the control was shifting, and in my own mind i was thinking ok, my house my rules, lets see how it goes but in a mostly vanilla context since in the vanilla world I am mostly in control still.

The fact you made yourself *at home* in your own space both pleased and aroused me.

When you took my foot in your hand, I thought, yep, he is going to hand travel, he wants sex, he is a man, but, still I can control this, how far he goes, I will get nicely fucked here. What I didn't know was how well and how wonderful even that taste of what you can do would be like.

I know I pushed, i know I was repeating habits of past, where I could still maintain a certain amount of control.. a Do me sub.. pleasure me, make me cum, but on my terms. I have always been permitted in sexual play to do so, but I also know when all is said and done, respect for a not so strong Master fades if they can not control me...

I do have fears for continuing with you, I also have excitement and desire to continue seeing you.

I believe you can take me to places within myself I crave but am too scared to follow through with.

I said the words baby steps several times last night,and yes I walk the walk and talk the talk but I also know as it says in my fet profile, I have much to learn,and I want and need to learn, I want to be led, to be pushed, to have boundaries expanded, to feel safe and secure and wanted and adored.

Yes I am scared, I am scared of disappointing you, I am scared that I am not good enough, that I have too many walls and issues within myself to truly be pleasing in a D/s context.

I have an urge to continue, to see where this takes me, to enjoy and suffer and just BE who I know I can be. Someone that can live the walk i walk and talk.

There are some issues I know I MUST get over.

When you called me slut, it was ok here we go, i have been called slut before, it's a little exciting to be seen as such,since sluts are good at what they do,maybe I am and can be good at what I do too.

I felt when you said, who are you...? *slut Sir* what are you good for...? This is where I struggled, as I felt in my mind you expected me to say something akin to *good for nothing Sir* and I felt almost degraded humiliated with that thought, which is why I blurted out.. *good for .. everything* even though I also knew that was not the right answer.

The face slap reaction, was an old reaction, the shock value of , he is humiliating me, how dare he....is he displeased??, but it didn't hurt, it was followed with kindness, it was not done to hurt or harm, but to focus, and I did. ... it was not dredging up as many bad thoughts as I thought it would... it was not as bad as I expected... did I like it.... NO... is it a hard limit now.... No.

There are some things I do have a problem with and they are my problems to deal with. .. The babysteps are real, I do need baby steps,I do need you to have patience and I do need to try and maintain some control over what you want from and do to me, because I can't let down my defences quickly. Just one of the things that bother me from our conversations are , the being used for your enjoyment by others, to be shared, I can't do that, at least not at this point in time,maybe down the track, with more trust more knowledge,more desire to please....I don't know, maybe never.. yes the idea attracts and excites me somewhat, but there is a wall there I have no power to climb over just yet. Humiliation is a huge negative and a massive turn off to me, I can not be or feel humiliated and enjoy any part of it, and my idea of humiliation and yours may differ.

The vanilla sex, was ... glorious, exciting, freeing, wonderful. Your cock and this is not ego boosting as I know you have no reason to have an ego boost, but yes your cock is the *prettiest* cock i have had the pleasure of, the smoothness, the size, the shape the feel the colour the texture, everything, but even more then your cock,was how you used it, and knew you were the first to do those things.

My cunt hurts, how it hurts... the pain the memory of how it got to this, the bruising pain......Oh I am adoring how it hurts, I am so wanting to do *THAT* again, the gusto in which you ate my cunt and drank my juices was ....fuck... no words... it was empowering. The wetness the squirting... I have NEVER done so much and I was embarrassed by the amount the lack of control,I could NOT stop even if I wanted to... my poor bed... it survived.. but.... ohhhhhhhh

I am excited, apprehensive, fearful, wanton, and so many other words my mind can't think of right now since it is still tired and mushy from both the activities as well as the lack of sleep, and do I want to see where I can go with this..... Hell yea.... Yes Please Sir..... but... I do think right at this moment.. in this time and space..... I have to place some of my own *rules* on what is allowable to happen to ME.. since I am the greatest protector of me there is .... right now.

I can't think anymore, I can't formulate any more words right now... right now I need to FEEL not dissect last night..

I look forward to seeing you again.. and continuing this journey....

I want... I need... I desire... all I can be... and I hope to do this with you... and this is only going on this first meeting..... I want and desire and need to be owned...to be considered to be owned, to be wanted, to be needed, to be admired, to be treated like the princess, and the slut. it is a deep .....something that I can not explain.

He arrived at noon, with a clear picture of whatever I wanted I was to have.
I was home alone, and when he arrived, I had him make me a cup of tea, before sitting down for a quick chat about his comfort levels.
He was very open to allowing me to do whatever I wanted, with clear boundaries of not being permanently marked.
Although new to bdsm, he was very willing to please.

I had him strip naked, and I explored his 7 inches cut cock, as well as the rest of his body, with my eyes and my hands.
I decided to do some of the rope that I had discussed with you.
I used the black rope and bound his cock and balls and then bound them erect to his body, but in such a way that as he bent, there would be a tug and pull with every movement.
He had not had this done before, and loved every minute.
I then had him walk up to the shed, naked and barefoot, to start the chore of clearing the boxes and sorting through what was in them while I supervised.
That took a couple of hours, well actually a bit more, since it was 4pm when finished that, i kept an eye and a hand on his cock to check the circulation and when he was done, we went inside.
I then had him bend over the coffee table and flogged his arse, with both the purple rubber flogger and the black flogger. swapping and changing, and going to town on his arse. It felt good.
I re adjusted his ropes and had a good feel and play with his cock and balls, watching him become erect before tapping the head with the end of the flogger a few times.
I then had him kneel and kiss my feet and cunt over my clothing in thank you.
Then I had him do my floors, both vacuum sweep and then mop them, all throughout the house, while I chatted to a prospective fuck buddy online.
When he had finished the floors, he was allowed to dress for dinner while I showered and dressed myself, at this stage I had no interest in allowing him to pleasure me, that would come after dinner.
We went to a local chinese restaurant for dinner, and that was nice and pleasurable, before returning home about 8pm.

I had him then strip naked and bend over the coffee table some more, so I could flog his body, his arse, his thighs, swinging the flogger up between his legs to catch his cock and balls.
I spanked and paddled his arse, I used a wooden spoon from the kitchen on his arse as well, and then ice from the freezer over the redness and bruises.

I had enough of him by then and decided he could wash my feet before massaging them and up my calves with peppermint oil, which he did for about an hour.
Then i had him follow me into the bedroom.
I had him massage my back and arse and backs of legs for another hour or so, before turning over and allowing him to make me cum anyway he chose, as long as I came often and plenty.
He started fingering me and soon turned to fisting, I came, and came again, while his mouth worked over my clit and his hands on my breasts and cunt.
I clamped his head between my thighs and rode his face grinding my cunt into his mouth while I squirted and came all over his face.
I made him eat me and finger and fist me over and over, i guess maybe longer then an hour.
I then had him suckle my nipples deep and strong into his mouth and kept giving him the order to make me cum and suck hard.
When i had enough of that, I turned over on my belly and got comfortable in a drowsy sort of way, and commanded that he lick my arse.
He licked and sucked at my arsehole and my cunthole from behind, and i kept him fucking my arse with his tongue and fucking my cunt with his fingers for ages and ages, grinding my arse into his face, forcing him to do me more and more until I was satisfied, and then I said, I was going to sleep now, thank you and I will be in contact, he did well for his first trial and I sent him home, letting him get his clothing and dressing outside before he got in his car and left.
I went to sleep very very content...