Everything Is About Sex

The below is a conversation I’ve had with a friend a while back. I’ll be bringing you rotating conversations every month, just to make it a little more interesting for us both:

Everything in the world is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power'. -Oscar Wild

I love Oscar Wild. I am a Domme. I construct my sexual experiences around exchange of power, but I also know that sex isn't all about power.

Sex has been so oppressed and demonised that it comes out in our society in the unhealthy expression of abuse and rape.

But it doesn't have to be.

In its most raw form, Sex is the cycle of creation and destruction. It is the most primal human instinct, and all others stem from it.

Energy, passion, all spiritual forces, stem from that mystery we can call sex. We all seek it, and yet we also avoid it. We all want it, but we don’t really want it. It’s life's biggest mystery.

As we go about our day, our libidos are involved in more ways than people would even recognise. So many erotic moments, to name a few:

Taking sensual pleasure in the feel of silk against your skin, my warm lips closing on a chilled, juicy strawberry, the tingling pleasure of a perfectly made coffee that fills your body with waves of warmth from head to toe, shadows playing on my bare skin as last rays of sun coming in through the window, the sparkle in your lover's eyes that says: I'm hear to devour you...

To me, almost any form of pleasure is an expression of sexuality. While in solitude seeing visions that stimulate my body and bringing me to ecstasy even without a direct touch, while channelling my entire energy to my vagina experiencing heat and moist, the sexual pleasure from fantasies triggered by a well versed letter, an honest and emotional piece, a testimonial of vulnerability. I can be sexually aroused from the feeling of the dentist tool in my mouth, from the masseuse strokes on my lower back, from my Osteopath pressure on my neck.

All that is a function of the libido, the drive of life in its most raw form.

But here is part of the mystery, as we instinctively know that to seek the ultimate fulfilment of our libido we also court the death wish. It is a force, ultimate surcease, a sort of oblivion, a loss of self. Even in science, the symptoms of intense orgasm are indistinguishable from intense pain.

Basically put, there is a fine line between pain and ecstasy. In fact, sadism does not come from the death wish, but from a jaded libido. Many of the extremes we go to stem from either a violation of some inner urge in us or an imbalanced expression of the same urge.

The death wish and the libido form a sort of yin and yang. You cannot engage the libido and not court the extreme of expression that results in “loss of self”. A desire, in a sense, to be devoured by life. To be devoured in the act.

My true desire. I desire to be devoured by the flames of my own act onto the other.

In fact many kinksters understand and desire that. Sub and top space are said to be the manifestation of death in sex in a sense it that it provides a transcendental experience when the known self seizes to exist momentarily.

While blending BDSM, spirituality and sensuality, sex can be more than power. But its also an expression of intimacy and connection that goes beyond explicit sexual touch.

Beyond the rush of endorphins and feelings of ecstasy, sex is also a vehicle for deep connection, for momentary freedom. We have a deep longing to pop out of the prison of our minds even for a brief moment. When we open our hearts in love-making, it adds a whole other layer of emotional release and the sense of connectedness transcends the physical.

In your relationship, you never ceasing having sex. Sex is everything. As you are aware of the other, of their energy and spirit, that awareness in and of itself is intimacy. How often do you detect an exchange you might not have words for, but it is very real and came only from very subtle body language or maybe even none at all? They do happen. The tales of divine lovers, Eros and Psyche.

Sex is more than seeking release, or can be, but we rarely fully engage our partners. We rarely fully engage ourselves.

How many do you know who give their desire for sex much thought, or their sexual identity? Even those who do have some philosophical grasp of it, how often do they shrink away from exploring the truths they discover?

For you Dan, as someone who engineered his life to experience more pleasure then pain, what a more nourishing smorgasbord there is to experience sexuality in all its complexity?

Life is all about sex.

And there's coffee.

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