3 Insecurities every Swinger Experiences!

by Chantelle Austin - 06 May 2011 - No comments yet
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I come across 3 common concerns from new swingers on a regular basis and I’ll share what I think or my experience with each one. You can just read the ones that apply to you:

What if I’m overweight?

So you have a few extra kilos (or more)… In the wise words of Pink, “so what?!” Don’t let it stop you from having fun! We are a slim to athletic couple but there are plenty of couples on the scene that are overweight or come in various shapes and sizes.

Look at it this way; swingers aren’t in the scene to meet “the one”, they’re just in for fun and sex and we’ve found that what makes people a good match for play is not necessarily how hot their bodies are, although it is a bonus!

There are some couples who will only play with people whose bodies are similar to their own and that’s fine. There are plenty of other couples out there that don’t mind either way, and to be honest, the ones that don’t mind are usually more easy going and fun to be with!

If it is really worrying you or you really don’t like the way you look, then do something about it. You only need to eat a healthy diet and get moving to burn some extra calories. That said, sex does burn them and is a lot of fun. Why wait until you think you look perfect before joining in?

Ultimately the good news is that slim and sexy couples still play with overweight ones! We have a number of overweight playmates and so do a number of other slim and sexy couples we know. It’s not all about looks or body shape; personality plays a big part for many. We don’t mind “curves” and others are the same.

What if I don’t or can’t orgasm?

This I can relate to and it seems to be more of an issue for women than men. If men don’t orgasm they last for ages and that’s more of a bonus than an issue, but some women feel there is an expectation that they should.

Now I’ve come across some women that can practically orgasm as soon as they’re naked, can orgasm 20 times in a night (or more) and some of them have 15 – 20 minutes orgasms! That’s not me, damn it, and for a while there I thought there was something wrong because I couldn’t. I’d be lucky if I orgasmed once when others were involved.

But don’t worry if you’re not an orgasm queen, I’m here to say you’re still normal and most people don’t care either way!

There are some women that can’t orgasm at all in a swinging scenario but that’s ok because it’s about having fun. For some it’s just a matter of teaching others how to get you there, and being comfortable with the people you’re with makes a big difference.

I can orgasm easily when I’m alone with my husband (the talented man that he is!), but I find it more difficult when there are other people involved. For me to orgasm I really have to concentrate and get my head engaged in the moment, so when there are other people around me doing all sorts of good things, there can be almost too much to focus on and it distracts my head from focussing on what will really get me over the edge.

I particularly have more trouble when it’s the first time with someone new and many people experience this. It’s like when you had sex with your partner for the first time; it was kind of awkward since you weren’t sure what they liked or how they liked it. A bit of a mental challenge while you explored them and they explored you, I bet you were thinking about it rather than sitting back and truly enjoying it.

I find that the more we play with people, the more familiar we get with them and then the easier it is for me to get right into it. Even if I don’t have an orgasm during play, I always have fun and most of the time the people involved are able to get me very aroused, I just don’t get the big fireworks and earth trembling at the end and really, to me that’s just a bonus and I’ve found lots of other people just like me.

What if I can’t get it up on the night?

Well you wouldn’t be the first and I’m sure you won’t be the last to have this issue I can promise you that! We’ve have playmates who, for one reason or another, haven’t been able to get it up or just keep it up.

Now when a girl (or guy depending what you’re into) really wants you, you can imagine there being some pressure to perform, yeah? Well in your head, yes! But the reality is that most people are pretty easy going and while yes, sometimes we really want your “rock hardness”, it’s not the only part of you that can satisfy. At the end of the day it’s all supposed to be fun!

The hardest part (of the softest… kidding), is that you put too much pressure on yourself and often that stress alone is what causes the issue. Other times it can be whatever mood altering “drugs” you’ve taken for the fun of it. We’ve certainly come across guys who have trouble keeping it up when they’ve taken “pills” or “E” (Ecstasy or various mixes of it).

To be honest, we’ve had male playmates that either couldn’t get it up, couldn’t keep it up, slipped out, couldn’t cum and came too quickly. Some of them got a little embarrassed but you know what? It didn’t worry me in the slightest… It’s meant to be for fun, so if I get 3 hours of playtime but don’t get to ride it, so what! And I’m not the only one who thinks this way, so guys; just relax!

It’s only fun if everyone is having fun. If one person is stressed out, other people feel it and they get stressed out then no one enjoys it. So guys, here are my top tips for getting over this minor issue (and yes, it is minor!):

So the message with all of these “What If’s” is RELAX and don’t worry! Just be yourself and enjoy your new toys and the more often you play with the same people, the more fun it becomes.

  • RELAX! Do whatever you need to do to chill out. Now that might be to have a couple of drinks (a couple versus being so blind drunk you can’t get it up anyway!) You may need to start in a no-pressure environment like anywhere BUT the bedroom!
  • Don’t focus on the “problem”. If you’re saying things to yourself like “what if I can’t get it up?” or “I hope I don’t get nervous”, then you’re telling your unconscious mind what you want to happen. Focus instead of how awesome it is to be in a situation where you’re all having a fantastic time; imagine you being the stallion of the evening… even if you don’t think of yourself that way, you’ll go a lot further to performing like one! Focus on what you want to have happen instead of what you don’t want, Stud!

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