Am I a Slut because I Swing?

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Not necessarily, but then is being a slut really a bad thing?

I’ve been a swinger a while and I’ve participated in threesomes, foursomes, orgies and a gang bang and I have to admit, the “am I a slut?” question crossed my mind at various times throughout our journey. When we started having threesomes and foursomes it was there, but even more so when I was in the centre of a gang-bang with 6 men. It was at that time that I really had to work it out…

Why was I struggling with it? What did it mean to me? And was it valid? I knew I wasn’t the only person who struggled with this so I wrote a few blog posts and it was the responses I received that really helped me to work through it.

Firstly I had to work out what my definition of “slut” was and why it bugged me to be labelled as one.

When I was growing up girls were programmed to behave like a “lady”, and that came with a list of things that ladies do and don’t do. Self respect and morals were a big part of that and according to what I was taught, no self-respecting woman would let herself be spit-roasted by two men at once over the kitchen bench while someone else took a photo… or would she?

Part of my programmed definition of a slut was they weren’t selective about their choice of partner/s; they would have sex with anyone and everyone. It’s easy to look at other people and decide that they aren’t being selective; we think they have set the bar too low but even if we’re right, should we be judging them? And do we really know what standards they have?

I don’t know of any swinger who isn’t selective to some degree. We certainly go through a process of working out who we want as playmates and it’s not just anyone. However, someone looking from the outside could judge that we’re not based on their own standards. And that is the difference…

Everyone has different standards but that doesn’t mean anyone is more, or less, of a slut.

I was also programmed to believe that a slut would wear clothing that was revealing and sexy, and they would enjoy dressing in leather or sexy costumes. A slut would intentionally turn people on whenever they could and by any means necessary. They would also have sex anywhere, anytime; in public, in private, it didn’t matter. A slut loves sex and would have sex in any way; any position, happy to be spit-roasted, tied up, gang-banged, give head, have anal sex, be DP’d (Double Penetration) and bonus if it was all in one session...

To some people that all sounds like fun, and so it should! Many of those things I hadn’t tried before we became swingers, and when we started to try them my programmed view of what it meant to be a slut would cross my mind. It used to prevent me from truly letting go and enjoying the moment. I even put off trying a gang-bang for a long time for that reason.

The thing is that the majority of people in the swinging scene do enjoy almost everything I mentioned which realistically, makes us all sluts. I have done a lot of those things and I have honestly had an awesome time doing them. Is that something I should be ashamed of?

So does being a slut have to be a bad thing? Are sluts not just experiencing all that sex and life have to offer? Some people love chocolate, and they’ll eat any sort of chocolate they come across. Does that make them a chocolate slut? Hell yes, but is that really a bad thing?

A person I was lucky to meet sent me this in a message:

“I prefer how Easton & Liszt define slut in their book The Ethical Slut. They are attempting to reclaim the name in much the same way that homosexuals reclaimed gay. To them, a slut is "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only or with the Fifth Fleet... A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money - because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.”

Swingers are generally couples who willingly allow other people to share in their sex life. They enjoy having sex; they are exploring what sex has to offer and continue to expand on their sexual experiences, as a couple, because it’s fun to do. They aren’t hurting anyone, it’s all consensual and it’s just them having the courage to lead their lives according to them and not how other people think they should…

It’s the 21st century, times have changed and we’re in an era where sex is out in the open. Previous to this, sex wasn’t talked about and anyone seen to be enjoying sex, especially with multiple partners, was deemed a slut. If we go with the Easton & Liszt definition then it’s true, they were a slut, but that’s not a bad thing…

At the end of the day, if you’re not hurting anyone and you enjoy:

  • Having sex
  • Sex with more than one person at a time
  • Multiple positions and multi-person configurations
  • Discovering what else you enjoy about sex

Then you are a slut and you should celebrate your slutiness!

Let it be known from this day forth that it’s good to be a slut because a slut is someone who is “adventurous” and sexually free; they are choosing to explore that side of who they are and allowing themselves to truly experience everything sex has to offer, and with people who are willing to help them experience it.

Shall we start a “slut pride” day?

41 Comments

SecretService16
More than a month ago
Great article .....I guess I am another one here celebrating my Slutiness!!!! Bring it on :)
SarahT69
More than a month ago
Well I guess I qualify for the tag of Slut. I'm proud that I have the ability to make choices and that I choose to pursue those choices. These choices have mean I've slept with numerous guys and a few girls over the years and on a whole these have been good experiences. For me it's the freedom of me deciding what I want for myself sexually and seeking to attain that. If there is a connection then something more happens, if not then nothing happens. Yes I'm proud to be a slut and to share myself, although don't tell my husband.
Leannemuir
More than a month ago
Awesome I'm A SLut and proudly enjoy sex
OrgasmsMultiple
More than a month ago
I must confess to a "slut" moment. My partner took me to a sex shop to get some things. We went into a video booth together. There was a guy in the next booth which had a gloryhole. Gave him a BJ whilst my partner gave it to me from behind. Then I gave the guy in the next booth a condom. He put it on and stuck it through the gloryhole. I pressed back against it. The sex wasn't really that great and I have no idea what he looked like. But it was soooo hot and fun. Went to the Couples Club after that and had more fun. Ladies, try it some time. Anonymous sex is the best.
OrgasmsMultiple
More than a month ago
We both came from marriages where our partners were not into sex. We now make up for it by swinging and exploring our sex life to the fullest. I don't know if we are sluts. I do know we have a great time and fully support each other's desire to enjoy sex to the max. We just feel sorry for people who cannot emotionally trust their partners enough to swing.
afteradventures
More than a month ago
Great read :-)

'Slut' shouldn't be used as a way of making women feel embarrassed about their sexual appetite

As long as people are enjoying themselves, that's all that matters

I feel sorry for those who pass judgement, what boring lives they must have.

I'm happy to just keep feeling good :-)
mars62
More than a month ago
Oh, thank you so much for your refreshing insight. I guess in a way we all struggle with this question once or twice in our lifetime. We were put on this planet to enjoy ourselves. .. so I say go for it.
arcadiandream
More than a month ago
Love this ! "No problem in the name if it s an acronym for Sexually Liberated Uninhibited Tigress."

Thanks BeachCouple. Will use this one.
Arcadiax
hotwife2013
More than a month ago
I like be called a slut in the bedroom when i am showing my husband how I can be naughty with another guy. He loves to watch me be a slut but only when he is watching :-)
Abby50
More than a month ago
Why do we have to label people? why can't we just enjoy being alive and doing what makes us happy. I don't even like the label of bi sexual. I feel I am just free and enjoy life in all its glory. We are here just a short while and we are here to enjoy what life brings. As long as I have a healthy safe life and my children and good. Please don't judge me or my family and I won't judge you!
Anniejean
More than a month ago
WELL,Only you can judge yourself,so if you go to bed at night,thinking you are,then you are ,quite simple really,cherrs Annie
intomeic
More than a month ago
There is this inner slut in me
That yearns to express my sexuality
So I wish instead of being labelled a ‘Whore’
Men would reverently whisper ‘J’ adore’


intomeic
More than a month ago
Embracing my Inner slut I love to be told I do 'Slut with class'
citygirl88
More than a month ago
Just because you are selective about the the 6 guys who are gang banging you doesn't mean you are not a slut. Haha, I wish I could justify everything I do that easily.
staytoplay
More than a month ago
After 17 years of fidelity to one man and then swinging with a new partner who was really into it with no hangups, had me really wondering about the whole slut label. I was scared stiff of the label but am also a proud feminist where I believe we define who we are to the world and how we present. I asked my partner to call me a slut in the bedroom when he was really turned on. Initially he was very uncomfortable but after many times I found it really liberating. It allowed me to let go of all fears I had about the label. My answer now is to revel in our sexuality and let the judgers stymy in their own narrow view of the world.
Do_it_4_Fun
More than a month ago
i don't think of myself as a slut, i'm just a people person lol!
Beach couple
More than a month ago
No problem in the name if it s an acronym for Sexually Liberated Uninhibited Tigress.
partnerpal
More than a month ago
Girls enjoy your Liberty and don't even think about other peoples hangups....Your're a Goddess and that what matters. Sex is a sensation a pleasure to be enjoyed and be thankful you have a partner who can distinguish between Sex and Love. It works for us and enhances our Love for each other....You're not Sluts (Don't like the word) Your LIBERATED FEMALE LEGENDS.
lollies444
More than a month ago
I am asked often asked by guys on this site if I consider myself a slut. My answer is always a resounding yes and if anyone has a problem with that then that's their problem not mine.
Vixens
More than a month ago
Well I don't buy into this slut business....it's a misogynistic term used by men to control women...you never hear of hetero men referred to as sluts. They're heroes or at least "just being boys"...
dntbeshy469
More than a month ago
In my humble opinion whose business is it whose a slut or not,really only those engaging in activities with so called sluts, I really don't understand the stigma surrounding being a slut,why is it such a bad thing to enjoy pleasure,or give pleasure sexually,surely this is one of the most wonderful gifts we as human beings have been given,whether youre a slut or in a monogamous long term relationship,I urge each and every one of us to make the most of any situations that are firstly safe and healthy,obviously health is important,theres not much pleasure to be had in getting ill,but,once those basic rules have been met,engage in whatever you like,enjoy your body,why limit what nature has provided us with,embrace it. . .just my opinion though ;)
funcpl71
More than a month ago
thank you for this article I always enjoy it when we play but often feel guilty after thinking Im a mum and shouldn't be doing this
My hubby has wanted me to try a gang bang and the feeling of being ashamed and slutty stops me every time but after reading this it gives me a bit of confidence that Im not a freak not that i will go out tonight and have a gang bang (im a bit scared still )
OrgasmsMultiple
More than a month ago
It can be hard to organise a gang bang. Apart from rounding up willing participants, you want them to still be reasonably attractive and nice people. Do you go to swinger clubs? We love them, although some nights are better than others.
Flasherz
More than a month ago
It was in the book "The Ethical Slut" (copied & pasted here)
The authors define the term slut as "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." The term is reclaimed from its usual use as a pejorative and as a simple label for a promiscuous person. Instead, it is used to signify a person who is accepting of their enjoyment of sex and the pleasure of intimacy with others, and chooses to engage and accept these in an ethical and open way — rather than as cheating. Its a great read & I have never been ashamed of my sexual choice. I think thats what makes it more exciting too. Cheers
SexyJulze1
More than a month ago
what a great & timely article! I have been lABELLED A "SLUT" since first being raped as a child because when it comes to rape & sexual abuse involving incest we are programmed to "blame the victim'. I have had periods of such shame that i was celibate for ten years BUT NOW i WANT to be a slut PLEASE??? I want to live my fantasies & do the 'catching up"
Tiggerella
More than a month ago
im a slut and proud of it!!!!!!
SEXYCPL696
More than a month ago
Love it,
Touchyfeelie
More than a month ago
Interesting article - my biggest problem with the word slut was that my definition is also that of someone who would have sex with absolutely anyone or had no standards and although I'm not monogamous and I definitely enjoy sex the term just doesn't seem to apply to me.

Re: telling your kids: I have always been open with my (now 11 yr old) daughter about the fact that I see more than 1 person (not in graphic detail but she understands it involves sex with multiple partners) but I am also very clear that my relationships with my bed-friends are ALWAYS open, honest, respectful & CONSENSUAL - even by the partners who "share" but don't participate. I talk to her regularly about her understanding of sex, jealousy and insecurities & gauge what level of understanding & activity her peers are at so I can ensure she understands it is something adults enjoy because they have had time for their bodies, emotions and social experience to develop. Sounds a bit full on but I've always been up front and matter of fact about it and she takes it in her stride. It's a great feeling knowing that I can be honest with her and she knows she can be honest in return with no possibility of judgement. :)
weluv2share
More than a month ago
Chantelle. I fully understand and disagree with the inequity labelling of guys being legends and girls being sluts, however I also appreciate that there is not only a degree of maturity required in choosing how and when to share your body, but understanding the implications of who knows what you do. Unfortunately, perception (no matter how wrong) impacts on not only how we are seen, but the way others treat us in employment and in life. Its not fair, but it just is. We may be born on our own and die on our own, but we move through life with other people who our actions affect.
So whilst you are happy that your daughter of 18 is entering the work force and is known at work as a slut(although we all think there is nothing wrong with the term)and she is comfortable with that, it impacts her life.
Although it may be societies problem, your daughter will be unecessarily targeted and exploited.
So therein lays the dilemma. At what age would other members of AMM consider it appropriate for their children to be considered and want to be sluts.
gypsy_woman
More than a month ago
I think its a personal choice but find it interesting that even to this day women are sluts if they are open yet men are still considered legends by their mates! If we are good people in day to day life and have a different life personally then how is that a bad thing, in the end we have to do what we feel is right. Name labelling is so bad and so rampant so let's all just deal with our own lives and just be nice people especially to others.
OrgasmsMultiple
More than a month ago
I don't know about that so much these days. I tell a lot of my girlfriends I swing and they are fascinated by it, whilst my partner doesn't tell many of his mates because they can be judgmental. I bet the wives of these mates have unhappy sex lives.
kissmeslowly65
More than a month ago
Bravo, I have gone through a journey of self discovery since my husband of 25 years passed away 5 years ago and I have spent many a minute, hour , day and week contemplating the slut thought process. But i enjoy sex... i enjoy giving as much as receiving. What has been interesting is it is actually women I have met whilst swinging who have made me feel the I am a slut thought process strongly far more than any male has.... sarcastic comments of how much i enjoy sex etc or as one woman commented at one party that she brings her husband alond so that she can socialise whilst her husband gets "serviced". I am me ...and I LOVE SEX I am comfortable in my skin and i love the experiences this journey has taken me on ... and i have now met a loving wonderful partner who loves the fact i am sensual and sexual and know what i want and I am there for me and i swing for me... not because my partner wants me too, and just going through the motions to make him happy .... Thank you for this article becasue I am sure the majority of women who enjoy swinging have had wondered about being regarded as a slut more than once..
elizadolittle
More than a month ago
Women are sluts, men are legends. I'm hoping one day that this will never be the way that women are perceived for their love of sex. If you are safe and love to have gangbangs or swing, then go for it and enjoy it while you can.
exoticcouple976
More than a month ago
Well it is a lifestyle either you like it or not. We are new to this lifestyle and loving it after 12 years being together and 6 of it as a married couple. We try to keep it away from normal friends and family. Sadly some members contact us here thinks Mrs is a slut since into swing. of course they dont understand the swinger lifestyle. Too bad for them as we are having the time of our life time and mrs proud to be a slut if that is what people think of swinger wife
moory66
More than a month ago
Great article Chantelle. I call my partner a slut probably once a week and she replies,"Would you want me any other way?" I'll leave my answer to your imagination.
AMM.Events
More than a month ago
Chantelle asked us to post this in response to weluv2share's comment:

"Please post a comment on my behalf. I personally have had some great conversations recently with my eldest daughter about sex and being labelled a slut, and it all comes down to not judging others and checking in with our own reasons for partaking in acts which are considered "slutty"... As a parent, I have to let go at some point and allow her to define her own life by making her own choices... Her teachers actually all want to have dinner with me because my daughter (at nearly 15) has a very mature outlook on relationships and sex, which they applaud me for. I personally would like her not to join in the scene until she's at least 18. I think at that point I'll be fine as long as we aren't at the same clubs/parties lol!"
reefNbeef
More than a month ago
well said ... yes as the female of a couple had the same reservations ... but after reading this article ... yes we are SLUTS and proud of it... thankyou jeff and nat
BiBellaV2.0
More than a month ago
Amen Chantelle - thankyou for this beautifully expressed validation ;) xx
weluv2share
More than a month ago
If you are open about being a swinger / slut, what message does that pass on to your children when other parents talk about you in front of their children, and yours find out via the grapevine. At what age would you consider it appropriate for your child to then partake in the lifestyle because Mum and Dad do? In QLD the age of consent for carnal knowledge is 16 and anal sex is 18. When do you think it's ok for your kids? I'm thinking 30.
Savannah44
More than a month ago
The word slut is an acronymn (??) that had its beginnings with the first fleets coming out from England. It was Slurry Left Under Tar...This had to do with the levels of the ship. Highest for the paying customers. then crew, then animals, then convicts. As the decks were washed, the slurry of waste would end up on the lowest deck. Known as SLUTS...Now this was told to me many years back and it made sense to me but not sure of it's correctness! BUT!!! it still tags the word SLUT badly though...but had nothing to do with women's sexual behaviour.
T
peawe
More than a month ago
well said Chantelle,i dont think anyone could have defined the term slut better,we are swingers and both class ourselfs as sluts and are proud of it.thank you for putting into words what we have felt inside all along.
warmest regards and keep up the good writting you do we love it
peawe
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