Will a GSOH get you laid?
Emma Sachsse
on 9 February 2017
27 comments
We have all seen the profiles that state that they have a great sense of humour (GSOH) and that they appreciate a GSOH. Sadly, often without anything in that profile to back up that claim. I have always felt that what men mean by that and what women understand that to mean are two different things. Well the research has been done and has shown that we tend to find men who can make jokes and women who can appreciate them more sexually attractive both for one-night stands and for slightly longer entanglements (Bressler 2006, Lundy 2008). A “GSOH” means different things to different people. To a man, it means, “will you laugh at my jokes?” not “are you hysterically funny?”
At one point, I was a funny female, a stand-up comic. And for those of you who were wondering yes, funny, intelligent, male comedians do have their choice of many more sexual partners from the audience than they would if they hadn’t been on stage. Female comedians not quite so much. Luckily, there are other comedians and tech crew and bar staff and....
I know, as a woman I am not alone in experiencing the demand to have a sense of humour about derogatory and degrading “humour” it is something that diverse genders and sexualities experience.
Some people complain that we have become too PC and that people should lighten up, “it’s just a joke”. There is one rule in comedy that is important to remember and it will keep your jokes funny, relevant and much less offensive. Always “punch up”. Always make the joke about those who are more powerful than you, that way you aren’t being sexist, racist, ableist, or generally a fuck stick. Whether you can manage to be funny is subjective but at least you are not being derogatory to those less privileged than you and you won’t need to tell someone to get a sense of humour.
And if someone doesn’t find your joke funny, it doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of humour, it is just different to yours. And it certainly doesn’t mean they are not sexy or attractive or that they are “insert your go to insult here” because they didn’t think it was funny when you made a derogatory comment about their body or how they expressed themselves online.
Why we need to be careful is that humour can normalise an idea or a behaviour. Sexist jokes that normalise the idea that women are just sexual objects for the taking; those jokes prop up misogyny and attitudes that disrespect women. Trans jokes are a particular problem that is changing as we all gain more understanding. What is acceptable to laugh at is changing as society progresses and we need to be aware that being sexist, racist, or ableist is not only not funny, it is not sexy and it continues to normalise out of date wrongheaded attitudes.
Think about it in the context of prison rape jokes. These are ubiquitous. Prison rape is a terrifying reality for 1 in 4 men who go to jail. But every sitcom you watch will happily make a rape joke whenever jail time is mentioned. You have probably made jokes about someone you know (or yourself) being “too pretty” to go to jail. I know I have. It is a habit. It is not because we think being brutally, sexually assaulted in a permanently damaging way is hilarious.
I think that sex itself is funny and there are a lot of great jokes and laughs to be had around the sex act and our ever-changing values, knowledge and morals. I think it is important not to take it all too seriously and to have a laugh in bed (or outdoors, wherever you prefer, no judgement). If you are looking for an insightful and at times, laugh out loud book try “Doing It” Amongst the great collection of stories there are some about funny sexual experiences, and inappropriate things said. For instance Clem Bastow’s line as she mounted a slightly reluctant guy whilst menstruating “but you like Cronenberg films don’t you” has stuck in my head for better or worse.
I love making inappropriate sexual jokes and shocking jokes and in inappropriate places but I don’t expect everyone to laugh. Someone doesn’t become less valuable as a sexual partner just because they have a different sense of humour or more sensitivity to problematic humour than I do. Or because they do not wish to be laughed at by someone else. They might be less attractive to me if they don’t laugh at my jokes but that is my problem not theirs. Although I am, of course, hilarious in the sack.
27 comments
AGivingSpirit
More than a month agoAbout PC, I thought it was a muscle ..........
ReplyPetewil
More than a month agoI think thst it was Vince Sorrenti who said that when women say that they want a good sense of humour they really mean a good sense of humour, look like Christopher Reeves and have a really huuuuuge.... Bank balance.
ReplyPersonally I find a quick mind, which comedy usually requires, the greatest turn on.I growl like a bear when I'm really going sexually and my partner calls it a kodiak moment. I love her so much.
Virtuosity73
More than a month agoI actually prefer to say, that I have a good sense of comedy, over saying a good sense of humour (as it's so clichéd), just like when people regurgitate other classic dating sayings, like, "They must have a good personality" ... OMG, even the best con artists in the world have good personalities, how do you think that they win people over ?
ReplyCan we please, be a little bit more specific when we say "Personality", as it covers, such a wide range of attributes (dare I say traits).
I have a good sense of comedy, tragedy, sarcasm, irony, plus my B.S detector is off the charts, it doesn't mean that I'm gonna get laid.
You need to put the effort in, and you need to pick your battles (more clichés, I know), because women know if they'd sleep with a guy, within a very short time, and first impressions always stick.
<<<Kenny Rogers, The Gambler>>>
Virtuosity73
More than a month agoI remember reading a profound phrase, a few years ago, that went as follows: "If you want to maintain a woman's interest, simply do these 3 things ... (1) Make 'Em Laugh (2) Make 'Em Orgasm (3) Make 'Em Smile " ... pretty simple rules to live by, and definitely craps all over, "Treat 'Em Mean, And Keep 'Em Keen", and other macho bullshit, like that.
ReplyDarkstud
More than a month agoGreat article!
ReplyI think an intelligent conversation coupled with a good sense of humour would attract most ladies.
Has definitely worked for me.
aine.couple
More than a month agoReally enjoyed the article Emma - thanks. A GSOH breaks down walls. It results in an easier and more natural flow of conversation rather than those uncomfortable silences. Being able to use a GSOH in an environment with strangers takes confidence - and that is sexy. If it is something that you find to be difficult, especially for the shy, there is only one solution - get out amongst it an practice.
Replymrmeaner39
More than a month agonup, it doesn't get work. girls just think you're a clown. they enjoy talking to you 'cos you amuse them but you've still gotta have looks and money. especially money.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoThat's a really jaded way to look at this 'mrmeaner39' I'm surprised you even get laid LOL.
PS - one wonders if you attitude toward this is based on the female you meet. Hmm.
Newgirl1989
More than a month agoI find whinging about the women really gets me going
Account Closed
More than a month agoHaha - me too, Newgirl.
Account Closed
More than a month agoThat's such BS, not all women are like that :(
DDdelite
More than a month agoI like a guy who can laugh at themselves, make a dick of themselves and willI laugh at me making an idiot of myself. You will get what I call 'diva' points.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI have a doctorate in making a dick of myself ;)
triXXXi66
More than a month agoWithout the ability to be able to laugh with others and about yourself things get too serious.GSOH is essential if you want to play with us....
ReplyGSOH= GREAT SEX,OH!!!
allinmymind
More than a month agoGood sense of humour, for example in chat, would get you attention. However, chat works in mysterious ways.
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Replyperennielle
More than a month agoIt might not get you laid, but a good sense of humour and humility in the chat room goes a loooooong way :)
Milana09
More than a month agoI appreciated the article, thankyou Emma. I only speak from personal experience, but I think men enjoy witty, amusing , I'll even say funny, women much more than the various studies indicate..it goes further than just laughing at the jokes the men tell...they also like being entertained with anecdotes and quips.
For either sex, I think a smile and self deprecating sense of humour takes you a long way.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoAmen
HungryArse
More than a month agoSpot on Milana09
1DoorMan
More than a month agoYes it helps. But its not going to do it for us if we dont click with looks presentation chat and males cock is
Reply150 mm or better .
justme197692
More than a month agoNot just good sense of humor , other things to :-) by having gsoh we can live longer , have more friends but.not necessarily have more sex :-) but gsoh acompany by other things yes :-)
Reply88Goddess88
More than a month agoI can easily be laughed into bed, and its the quickest way to get me there ;)
ReplyMelody2973
More than a month agoAbsolutely :)))),
ReplyFunforus22
More than a month agoPeople with a GSOH are happy, and happy people generally make better companions.
ReplyLeolady727
More than a month agoSense of humour is VERY important! I couldn't fuck someone who couldn't laugh at themselves, me (when appropriate) and the ridiculousness of sex, in general.
My 2nd husband was a bit of an asshole in some ways, but VERY quick-witted and funny. Someone once asked me why I stayed with him for so long - it was because he made me laugh (oh, and he was great in bed )
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYeah I'm pretty funny :P
Account Closed
More than a month agoYou'd want to be :-)