Change your approach to women and ensure you're on the menu

by Chris Manak - 30 September 2016 - 69 Member Comments

In my coaching an issue that I see quite often is men approaching dating as if women think the same as men. And on the other side of the spectrum, as something that I see just as much, is men approaching women as if men think like women. 

Confused? Let me clarify.

The Spectrum

So on one side of the spectrum is the guy who thinks that women think just like he does about sex and dating. He thinks that she is out in the club to pick up because that is why he is there. He thinks that she would love a dick pic because he certainly would love a pussy pic. He thinks that dating must be a walk in the park for women because they can get sex whenever they want – and sex is essentially equal to dating, right? Ultimately – he is projecting his own thinking onto women. 

Then there is the guy on the other side of the spectrum. The guy who thinks that his ‘way in’ with women is by being their best friend. He sees the dick pic type guys as misogynistic scum, in fact, he sees any overtly sexual guy as sleazy, and he decides that he will be the opposite – super cordial, lovely and agreeable. Unfortunately, this guy fails to understand the tension in ‘sexual tension’ and usually ends up looking after her handbag and jacket while she is off with another guy. Yes I see it happen. 

Sex Is Easy For Women

Yep, women can get sex at the drop of a hat. And funnily enough, a lot of men seem to forget this. I think that men need to remember that there is not THAT much value placed on sex alone for women.

If you could get something great very easily – let’s say you could get the finest steak anytime that you liked, completely for free – well, initially this might be fantastic but within a short amount of time, the steak alone wouldn’t be that exciting. You would start to value the EXPERIENCE that went along with the steak more and more. Since you can get it anytime that you like, just a steak on a plate would not be as appealing to you as say eating it in an amazing restaurant with ambiance, appetizers and wine. 

No I’m not saying that you need to take the woman to an amazing restaurant, the steak here is a metaphor for sex for women. Women love sex. Women love good sex. But women can also get sex anytime that they like, so it’s the experience that goes along with the sex that starts to be more appealing (with a few exceptions, like if she is fresh from a breakup and a one-night stand is essentially all she wants, but that’s another story). 

We men want to get straight to eating the steak because steak is harder for us to get. We’re rather steak-restricted compared to women who can get it at whim. Women enjoy the steak as much as we do, but because they can get it anywhere and anytime, naturally, more is appealing. They want the experience that goes along with the steak. On its own is nothing too special, even if is a great steak.

So when you’re approaching women, be in a bar or online, it’s worth bearing in mind that what you want, is something that women can get with ease. Don’t just be the steak on a plate guy.

Approaching Women Like You’re a Woman

Then there are the guys who treat women as though they themselves are women. They befriend them, always agree with them, and they generally hate guys who are sexual (“That’s not how you treat a lady!”). For everyone’s sake, please don’t be this guy either.

Firstly, it’s very unattractive. It’s our polar opposites that attract. You’re likely not attracted to masculine women, and most women aren’t attracted to feminine men. These guys may feel that they’re getting somewhere, but there is a huge different between being her friend and being her lover, and the difference can be sometimes tough for men to differentiate.

Secondly, in my opinion it’s actually more manipulative than the “manipulative” guys trying to sleep with her. At least those guys are open about their intentions, whereas the ‘best friend’ guy is really only being there for her in the hope that one day she will finally see what’s in front of her, and fall desperately in love with him. 

In other words – this is the white knight. And if ever there was one type of guy that I see being quietly resentful towards women, it’s this guy. He is being lovely, nice and perfect – why doesn’t she see that!? Why does she still go for the jerks when he is doing everything right!? Again, he fails to understand what is attractive to women, and that they’re not just deciding who to be attracted to. So the frustration and resentment builds quietly but surely in this guy. 

The Take Home Message

Find that balance when you’re approaching women and dating. Be a man, be masculine, be strong in your sexuality – but realise that showing her your abs and telling her that you will fuck her so fantastically is just what every other guy online is telling her. What makes you so special? How is your steak better than the next guy’s? 

Then obviously also, don’t be the handbag guy. It’s actually worse for both of you than for the above guy. 

Also lastly, realise that sex does not equal relationships. Just because sex is easy for women, that most definitely doesn’t mean that relationships are. I actually meet some guys who are literally angry at women because “She can get pick-up anytime she likes, why does she complain about being single?” Well, because they’re two very different things. 

Society and everything around us evolved because of our sexual differences. It’s sexual evolution. Everything that we are and have is because of sexual selection – so we should really value these differences and approach dating accordingly. 

69 Member Comments

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  1. nativxxx

    More than a month ago
    it we all talk nd animate towadz eachother anee male or female can attract
    eachother sit nd watch animalz many are xalled nd few are chosen beinn pikee means u gna bee searchinng nonetheless appreciate all lives as they matter too be on the menu open ur mouth nd communicate sx is natureal not forget the steak nd use the toungue... it takes a simple hello nd smile nd its ur passport two unity nd thier heartzzz???
  2. Hotnhorny4560

    More than a month ago
    I love how this article is all "dont be just a steak" but also "don't hold the handbag" but also "dont be feminine" but then "don't be the resentful white knight". There seems to be a paragraph missing with the 5th type of guy, the type that ensures "we're on the menu" lol. 4 types of men not to be, where's the advice on what TO be?

    I was reading this article in anticipation from some sort of revelation to help most guys and it didn't happen lol. I personally think i've found the balance fairly well now, tho i have sometimes historically been more of the "resentful white night" type. And it is such an easy trap to fall into. Guys don't want to be the resentful white night. They just want to be acknowledged and desired i think. Deep down.

    To continue on with the aforementioned analogy, when a woman can get the steak whenever they want, its difficult to tell how well its cooked from the outside. Its like having 76 of the worlds best chefs all presenting her with steak done in different ways, and more often than not, she'll inadvertently pass up a steak that could be the best thing she's ever eaten in her life and end up with one that looks better cooked, or seems a better size for her appetite, but ultimately gives her food poisoning.

    Meanwhile the steak that was to be the greatest piece of food she'll ever consume, gets thrown out to forever wonder how she didn't pick that one.

    The resentful white knight is a trap that took me a long time to worm my way out of, i became the sort of guy who was comfortable and happy knowing all my pros and cons, and knowing if i ever was in a position to gloat about anything about me or seem egotistical in any way, it wasn't purely out of ego, it was just being in touch with my good and bad points, and being able to back up those good points when push came to shove.

    The trick is keeping a lid on that and only letting enough trickle out to seem intriguing, while remaining humble, grateful, and a decent human being. That's a juggling act in itself. 33 years old and i still haven't nailed the balance perfectly but its certainly made me a better person and more in touch with myself. And that in my opinion is something many guys need to consider.
  3. FantasyWife

    More than a month ago
    The most important thing that wasn't put bluntly enough was " Don't Be A Dick " .... In here we want someone that has actually read our profile and understands what it says ... Talk to us and see where it takes us ...
  4. 4Erioed

    More than a month ago
    The trade off is it's easier for girls to get sex but harder for them to find partners. Sex is easy to find but many guys only want a certain kind of girl for a partner.

    The sexiest men I've encountered have been respectful (this is the main one), courteous, mental (talking sexy, being seductive) and pay attention to more than just boobs and genitals. Guys who are assertive but gentle and never ever pushy are hot. Pushy men are an immediate turn off.
  5. Takemeplease6

    More than a month ago
    I can add few more things : to attract a women we need to be ; understanding , loving , romantic , we have to smell good , be friendly , tolerant , energetic , strong , I have 100 more if you like .
  6. GatsbyBris

    More than a month ago
    A good article. Girls can get it whenever they want essentially because guys always want it which creates an imbalance. But this isn't biological. There is some interesting research that suggests this is culturally driven, that the pursuit role is what creates greater readiness to mate in men (which the cheap steak analogy also conveys). In the research, which was based on rotating speed dating partners, the men always ticked more women as desirable dates, until they tried keeping the men seated and letting the women move to the next partner. This reversed the tick ratio, so that the women actually were willing to date more partners than the men. We could probably get this situation more balanced if we men as a whole placed higher value on the unique magical self we lay bare, waited for the third date and looked for interesting qualities in partners, and if we didn't have a brain freeze when women approach or compliment us. As well as helping to shift the culture, as the article suggests, this will enable any individual man to find pleasure and company. Don't give yourself away too cheaply guys, no one pays more than the asking price. If the price is too cheap, they might even not take it, thinking there must be a catch. I'm not saying to play silly games, just be selective and respectful of yourself and others.


    More than a month ago
    But, before that happens Gatsby, you need to wait for someone to actually reply to winks/messages before you block them!
  7. Fitbit73

    More than a month ago
    Interesting article, sex and steak. Lol , helpful though, so its not just the look that just counts its also the experience or PROSPECT that comes with it.
  8. MissAffection

    More than a month ago
    What about if you are vegetarian?
  9. freegotnoties

    More than a month ago
    what about sex 1st up ?


    More than a month ago
    Seriously! If that's your pickup line we're giving it a D
  10. catchofcentury

    More than a month ago
    From my experience and what I see on here you can have a gr8 msg if she doesn't like the way you look then its a no reply.
  11. Clickable

    More than a month ago
    This bloke seems to have a problem with handbags. It's what you stuff in them that counts.
  12. newmum1981

    More than a month ago
    I can't get sex at the drop of a hat. I must be doing something wrong. ??

    More than a month ago
    Awesome article and so very true in the different approaches guys use to meet women.
    Every guy has a different approach to women some more successful than others ,
    Every woman is different and unique so the approach that worked for you with one lady doesn't mean it will work on another lady, best thing is to not rush in and listen to the lady first, they love giving hints.
  14. seven5in5

    More than a month ago
    A very insightful article. But for some reason I have craving for some steak.... I think that's where I am going wrong...
  15. Ibonysoxi

    More than a month ago
    Can we now talk about what women need to do to get a Great Steak? Sick of reading articles about what MEN must and must not do. What about Women??? What Must they do to get a Great Steak?????? Put on nice make-ups, sit on their asses and wait for that 'man' to walk up to them and ask them out??? Surely if I want a good steak, I'd rather get up on my ass and go get it rather than sitting on my ass and hoping the steak would turn out the way I want it....


    More than a month ago
    You can talk all you like about what women need to do when you're writing your own little whiny "men's rights" blog. This particular blog is about what men need to do to attract women - or did you miss that?


    More than a month ago
    Agreed :))))
  16. NLindsayfan

    More than a month ago
    All the emphasis on steak...for me it's the side dishes, the entree, the soup - the steak or main course - is all too often followed much too quickly by the cheese platter and a sidestepping of the dessert.


    More than a month ago
    Its not really though, they're saying that its all about what else you offer with the steak, your game on turning it on with her your ability to grab her attention. That isn't initially the steak . Because well the steak is the metaphor for sex after all . And so it's saying that you need to give her entrée's that catch her attention and make her want your steak more that the guy 7ft to her left.
  17. SugarnSPICEY

    More than a month ago
    Take the time to not only read the profile, but more importantly convey what it is you want. This part is important to fill out honestly and susinctly and better to write more about yourself and what you want so others can see what your both seeking is compatible. Not by just the interests listed below.

    Secondly READ what the person is conveying, not just a quick look at the interests and pictures and think your in! So many times I get messages from men who state they want NSA, FWB, or they are attached when I am specifically looking for the opposite. You point out these polar opposites, only for them to try and pretend they want what you state, like oh I wrote that ages ago I don't just want NSA now I want a relationship! Really guys you either think women are fickle, or your a liar, or your too lazy to update your profile.

    If you message someone show respect as you would in real life. Comon courtesy like introducing yourself, what you liked about their profile, and what you would like. By starting a conversation straight out of the gate on what you want to do to them sexually is not appealing, seems manners, respect a lot of times goes out the window with keyboard Cowboys, and or cow girls. Imagine if you walked up to someone in the street by saying I would love to rim your ass! You wouldn't would you unless your bonkers so don't do it here!

    So reiterating in a nut shell :- More is better fill out the profile completly in describing you, and what your looking for.
    Read completely the profile if it's not in line what your looking for forget it, don't waste your messages.
    Comon courtesy and manners go a long way, be honest and respectful.

    All of this is not rocket science, next time guys think first with the head on your shoulders, not the head between your legs when corresponding with ladies being respectful and honest and your more likely to get on their hotlist, not their block list.


    More than a month ago
    And you are assuming Women actually reply to messages. It's the same on every site. Women are in the box seat for sure as the ratio between men and women is phenominal. I like the comment about being courteous though, it's a pity over 95% of women on these site are actually courteous. I've sent literally thousands of messages, not just on this site, and no response at all. Messages ranging from the "handbag" type all the way up to the fully dominant alpha male messages, same response. I'd even be happy with a "fuck off" but it seems I don't even rate that. Even from women's profiles that state "I'll fuck anyone", obviously anyone but me lol. All I hear are complaints about dick pics. Sure they are crass and juvenile yet browse through the women's pages and tits and pussy pics abound. At the end of the day if someone does message you, not wink etc, have the common courtesy of answering, even if its "fuck off" we are all supposed to be mature adults are we not :). As was mentioned in an earlier post, pretend these sites are pubs,clubs etc, would you listen to someone and then totally ignore them and not even grunt a response. If your answer is yes well then I'm sorry but you deserve all the responses you get. Courtesy costs nothing, not like these sites :). Now lets sit back and wait for the venomous messages to start coming my way. But hey at least it will be a response lol


    More than a month ago
    And more than half the time, a woman will look at a face pic, and not even read what's written on a profile (experience gained not only from here but on other "dating" sites on the interwebs...


    More than a month ago


    More than a month ago
    The fisherman. The fish will only be running away until you bate it.


    More than a month ago
    Certainly no-one would take advice from a shower curtain!


    More than a month ago
    Well said! Unfortunately, many guys don't bother reading a profile - they're thinking with the wrong brain.

    More than a month ago
    Like walking a tightrope. Steak & salad or meat and three veg.
  19. CrazyHorse1

    More than a month ago
    OMG! I didn't realise how much I actually relate to this, without realising it. So many "Steaks" advertise themselves without making it known how they are any different to the "Steaks" before or after them! - Market yourselves "Steaks" - what's your special sauce? Or better yet, what's your timing, technique and "cooking" style?

    Better yet, read the signs and read the profile and your guaranteed to meet the expectations! Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, "Is this beastiality necrophilia or am I just flogging a dead horse?"


    More than a month ago
  20. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Well said - SO many guys don't get why many women do not like the "dick pic" - such pics are a one-way trip to my block list.

    Yes, I can get steak any time (despite my age) but it has to a a GREAT steak, a SPECIAL steak and must be served with a sauce of respect and humour.


    More than a month ago
    Love that comment .. Prefer cooking your own .. Good for you :)


    More than a month ago
    And, to strain the metaphor even further, I would prefer cooking my own steak to accepting an inferior one :-)
  21. coconutoil

    More than a month ago
    Interesting article about what NOT to do.

    I think it would have been useful, to point out some things TO do.

  22. Imstillhere64

    More than a month ago
    respect is essential! and it should be mutual - after all .. we both like playing with each other so we must respect each others unique abilities ;-)
  23. PleasureIsland

    More than a month ago
    I was sceptical coming in to reading this article....BUT as a woman, Chris..succinctly put, nailed it:)
  24. allinmymind

    More than a month ago
    You see this play out a lot in the chat room. Super frustrating to watch, and yes still clear as mud.
  25. JiggyGetting

    More than a month ago
    Now I'm even more confused. The women I've been chasing only eat salad. Now steak has been thrown into the mix....


    More than a month ago
    Stop chasing the skinny vegans - go for the carnivores :-)


    More than a month ago
    Time to try a BBW? lol Yes who knew about surf n turf.

    More than a month ago
    Is it really that hard to just be honest an say it how it is?
    Then everyone knows where they stand, no games no BS.

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