Read this before you send that Naked Selfie
So there's someone new in your life. You've been sexting! It's hot! Maybe you've already had sex - crazy, passionate, new lover sex. Perhaps you're still at the playful stage of turning each other on with your words and your promises.
You're in bed.
Alone.
Your phone buzzes.
It's a message.
There are only 5 little words "Send me a sexy pic".
It's code, right?
Nude photos have always existed. Before the selfie culture exploded or even before mobile phones became attached to our arms it might have meant a teasing lingerie shot or a glimpse of boob. Now, there's no confusion that it means a naked selfie. And the trend continues to grow with every iPhone update and filter app release (and we do love a good filter).
But before you bare all and press "send" here are 5 things to consider.
1. Once you sext a naked selfie you can't take it back
The only way to be 100% confident that your naked photo doesn't get into the wrong hands is abstinence, yep, just not taking the photo. But the reality is sending and receiving naked selfies has become a natural part of modern relationships. And a lot more people are doing it simply because of the tools now available. A 2014 study found that three out of five Aussie males who use the app Snapchat admitted to sending sexual content and one in five women. We'd take a wild guess that for AMM members that figure might be little higher.
But naked photos meant to be shared exclusively with your significant other can end up in the wrong hands. We all dread losing our phone or having it stolen and hackers accessing those photos we have tucked away. And what about the jealous ex or disgruntled ex lover who has kept your photo and shares it with others out of spite.
So it's about being aware of the risk, and managing that risk.
2. How well do you know the person asking for your naked photo?
If you're sexting it's probably a new relationship or not even at the relationship stage yet. It's a fact that more naked selfies are shared at the beginning of a relationship. So you probably don't really know them well at all. You're about to share something very private and so you need to be sure that you know them well enough to trust them.
Have you been clear about your expectations? Make sure they know what is acceptable. Is the photo for their eyes only? Are they to delete it after viewing? If they keep it, does it have to be in a hidden or password protected folder?
Asking someone about their IT security protocols isn't particularly sexy but if you're sending them nude photos it's a conversation you should think about.
3. What's my motivation for agreeing to send a naked selfie?
Sending a nude photo to someone you're into is sexy. We get it! But like consenting to be sexual with someone which we covered in a recent blog post, it's up to you to consent to send it. So think about your motivation - are you sending the photo for yourself and is it something you feel good about?
Let's face it, for most guys getting a photo via sext is pretty much the holy grail so they're going to ask. And sometimes they don't even ask - guys often send an unsolicited pic (hopefully not just a dick pic) and hope you will reciprocate.
Are you being pressured by the person, or are they using it as a bargaining tool? If there is any doubt in your mind about the answers to these questions - just don't! And if they imply they are not going to continue the relationship unless you do - is that someone you want in your life? And always stay within your comfort zone if they've been very explicit in their request and you're not comfortable.
4. How do I keep my naked photos secure?
Are you sexting via your mobile? If the photos are stored on your phone consider a vault app which effectively locks the photos away behind a passcode and blocks those image from coming up in a gallery. You can also invest in remote wipe software for your mobile devices if they're stolen.
Are you posting via a social media app eg. Facebook, Snapchat or Twitter? It doesn't matter what social media channel you're using you're putting the photo out there with the potential for others to access it. Use the privacy settings available to you and double check and check again before you share anything - and especially if your mum & dad are Facebook friends.
There are apps available which remove message history or require both people to be logged on at the same time. Explore some options and pick something which works for you.
Are the photos stored on a computer? Make sure your password or access code is strong. If you're backing up to the Cloud then enable a two step verification to protect your account from being compromised. And make sure your virus protection is up to date. The more random websites you visit - read "porn" - the higher the risk of malware or viruses infecting your computer and literally sending ALL of your data back to a third party.
5. How do I hide my identity for added security?
There's no rule which says you have to include your face in the selfie. If you want to ensure that the photo remains anonymous you need to crop, block or edit any identifying features. Keep in mind that if you blur your face there is software out there which can potentially reverse that process.
Files can include geolocation information and can even be tracked back to the device the photo was taken on. Use tools to strip the files of this information if you want to be super cautious about keeping your identity hidden.
So please don't stop taking them and posting them and sexting them. We love them! But just be aware of who you're sharing them with and how to keep them safely hidden until you're ready to share them.
21 comments
gang.bang.boys5
More than a month agoThis site is only viable because people post their pictures, these pictures are seen by thousands, some times tens of thousands. So what's the big deal sending the same pictures to someone? Even if they do the wrong thing, the worst is they could end up here. Honestly, this article is hypocritical. By the way my ex sister in law recognised my ex and me on this very site, based on her build and jewelry, our reply to her " and whats your profile name?" And I recognised my son and his partner, here. Proud dad :) but discretion is some times a good idea.
ReplyMsmiya
More than a month agoGreat reminder to be careful. Thanks :)
ReplyMelody2973
More than a month agoYeah maybe a ' bad ' idea :(
ReplyJustKampa
More than a month agoIt's a lesson learned when your privacy is violated, learning that your once trusted gift is shared amongst their friends as they boast. Cheers! And I didn't even ask for the free advertising
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoIt pays to advertise I always say. Buttonfly jeans have stymied the free advertising somewhat though...
creambrulee
More than a month agoApps like Kik etc are not secure - you cant control your photos. I'd suggest having a look at Wickr - its encrypted and you control your messages
ReplyUniqueguyhere
More than a month agoThere's certainly nothing wrong with sending nude selfies to playmates. Golden rule is that you never have your face in the pics.
ReplyI get lots of nude selfies/ vids from ladies at all different times of the day and appreciate every one of them ;-)
JydinTobio
More than a month agoI will never understand why people are taking naked photos of themselves and sending them to people. If I want someone to see me naked I'll be in their physical presence so they can undress me :D
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYou don't like getting sexy selfies from girls?
Or you've never got one and are feeling left out?
Philosophikal
More than a month agoMy partner (also on AMM) gets text messages like the one in the article and she always refuses them. Most of the time they are from men she's not yet met in person. It seems to us that some men use it as a method to test a woman's compliance levels.
Given the importance of informed consent, discussion and agreement in any DS arrangement it can only be surmised that they are bullies, not true doms. There are far too many men who think they're being dominant when in fact they're just being a bully and using stand-over methods to get their way.
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Replyallinmymind
More than a month agoYes and because mind where pretty good, I have been married for a long time and my husband in older, well this has got me into this scene when I wouldn't have otherwise.
I was on facebook, pressured constantly about camming and I had to learn to be rude and ignore them.
Oldseeksyounger
More than a month agoWell said in the second paragraph.
quivertouch99
More than a month agoI don't know why the photo is so important anyway, I once met a girl on AMM and neither of us exchanged photos. Instead we had lengthy discussions of our interests and desires and when the time came to meet, we gave descriptions of ourselves. This preserved that exciting moment when we first laid eyes on each other over coffee. Sometimes the mystery and anticipation can be almost as orgasmic as sex. I would rather leave the unveiling for the bedroom.
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Replyblondebarbie30
More than a month agoi like this idea ;-p
triXXXi66
More than a month agoAnd another good choice is to not have identifying parts in your selfies... Never a face! Unless you trust the receiver... A lot less worrying... After all a body is a body and you should never be ashamed or shamed by it.
Replysidrotten
More than a month agoHi amm veiwers once a photo sent what even your settings private or NOT anyone can just take a photo off their computer screen and it's out there forever anywhere they like..
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoExactly! Once a photo is out there, it's out there. Which is why it's so important to trust the person you are sexting or sharing the photo with.
allinmymind
More than a month agoIt is amazing how many bully for those type of things.
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoThat's exactly why we said if you're not comfortable with the request and feel pressured for the wrong reasons please think twice.
cumonmytits7171
More than a month agoYes, that is exactly what it is.....bullying.....if people cant accept that for whatever reason you don't wish to share nude selfies, they need to respect that
Account Closed
More than a month ago"Bullying"?
Please.
We're all grown adults. The word "No" is the second easiest in the English language to write.
Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Sheesh.