Lesbian Porn is not a Blueprint for Girl on Girl Sex

by Eva Sless - 07 July 2016 - 20 Member Comments
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We Do Need Some Sex Education

When you look at all the sex education we get in our lives there's something very glaringly obvious about it. I mean, apart from the pretty crappy advice and shallow reproduction-based lessons we're given, it's all centred on heterosexual sex. Penises and vaginas. The ol' in out in out. There is very little information and advice given to us on same sex relationships, and even less given on same sex sex.

When I was younger I remember asking a lesbian friend of mine, “how do you, you know, do it with a girl?” She laughed and said, “well, you masturbate don't you? It's just like that but with someone else.”

That seemed pretty logical really. I have a vag, she'll have a vag, obviously it will be super easy! I mean, I've been pleasuring my vag for years! How hard can it be? 

Fast forward to my first awkward and fumbling experience with a girl and I can tell you the majority of my thoughts were “what the fuck am I doing??” while simultaneously cursing the friend who had given me the advice.

The thing is, yeah okay, she had a vagina as well, but her vagina and my vagina (and every other vagina in the world) are very different things, and respond very differently! While I prefer clitoral stimulation, she preferred penetration. While I get turned on by whispered words and dirty talk, she found talk distracting. It was a learning curve of immense proportions that ended in a pretty unsatisfactory night for both of us, and both of us feeling like we were shit in bed. 

Communication is the Key to Good Sex 

As always, and what is a running theme in nearly all the sex columns I write, communication is the key to good sex. Finding out what makes your partner tick, and letting them know what you like too. It's definitely an easier conversation to have with someone you know well, as opposed to that one night stand situation, but it's still important, and there are ways to do it without being too forceful or demanding, or even without words!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with placing your hand gently over theirs and guiding it to where and how you like to be touched. Being vocal and responsive is good too. I don't even mean screaming their name and having crazy convulsions on the bed (although hey, if that's what you do, then that's perfectly fine too), but a little moan or sigh or “yes” when they touch the right spot is a great way to guide them.

Using sex toys can be super fun and exciting, but it's probably a good idea to work your way up to the big, black strap-on with smaller, less intimidating toys first. Find out if they even like toys first, because that's also an individual thing.

Check out Female Created Pornography

If you're looking at porn for tips on the sapphic pleasures of loving, I'd recommend looking for female created pornography, that has been created specifically for female viewing. While there's loads of cool things about hetero-made lesbian porn for the male gaze, it really is not the best as a how-to guide. It has lots of vulva smashing and scissoring and choreographed action that, for the most part, is set up for the maximum viewing pleasure of men, rather than the actual depiction of girl on girl sex for women. 

That being said, some women really do enjoy vulva smashing and scissoring type sex, so again, it is all in the way you communicate your needs and work out together how to have the best sex.

Basically, what I'm saying is, having sex is not really something you can learn out of a book or on a screen. It's a hands on practical experience, full of trial and error and a whole lot of it. But it can be fun! 

Don't Take Sex Too Seriously

If I hadn't been so caught up in the idea of perfection on that first, awkward time, I would have found it far easier to laugh at it, at my own inadequacies and at hers, and that in itself is probably the most important lesson of them all. Have fun with it. Admit to yourself and your partner that you have no idea what the hell you're doing. Make it fun and silly and light-hearted, because that is the very first step to breaking down the awkwardness and the confusion of that first time with someone new. Trust me, after you've had a good ol laugh at the fact that you feel like Stumpy McStumpyfingers, it's far far easier to say “I totally suck, please show me how to do this”. 

As I'm sure you're aware, I have had lots of sex, with people of all genders and all shades of experience levels and desires, and I can honestly say the best sex I ever have starts with laughter and communication, and always ends with education of myself.

And that, my friends, is a lesson we can probably all take home, girls, guys, any of us. None of us are masters of sex, and we all have stuff to learn.

So how did your first girl on girl experience compare? We'd love you to share your stories.

20 Member Comments

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  1. caramelatte

    More than a month ago
    Girls out west....check it out...I think it's a great article, thanks to the wonderful Eva :-)
  2. evy111

    More than a month ago
    I guess someone had to consider the role of women having sex with women. but unfortunately for me I just love it! I don't know if I am any good...or bad but seem to get superb reactions from my/our girlfriends. I am not a lesbian but bisexual and have to say that mixing the two intimacies is utterly fabulous and I have a real taste for both.
    So guys..enjoy.. its the only thing this horny bitch knows how to do..officially.

    Evy..x

    Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    And why wouldn't you, when it's so yummy - you GO, girl.
  3. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    So-called "lesbian porn", like most porn, is made primarily to appeal to men - hence the preoccupation with penetration.

    The ones I've seen have had girls who were not at all bi - just the usual, plastic, big-titted women faking it.

    Privateer76

    More than a month ago
    We're special.
    :D

    Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Is that special or "special"?

    Privateer76

    More than a month ago
    Don't be a hater on attractive porn performers. Jealousy is a bad look.

    DeliciousEva

    More than a month ago
    Leo Lady
    Look up feminist porn. Or porn for women. Definitely more realism. Check out Petra Joy. Or Morgana Muses.

    And as an aside, some of the best girl/girl sex I've had has been with "plastic, big titted women"

    Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Jealous??? Not me - I prefer to be natural.

    Eva - I admit that the "lesbian porn" I've seen is mostly that horrible American trash. I prefer reading erotica, rather than watching porn.
  4. hotone15

    More than a month ago
    I love lesbian porn xxx
  5. Privateer76

    More than a month ago
    Funny how lesbians end up penetrating each other with phallic objects.
    Lol.
    The ol' in&out. It's a standard, not an option.

    Melody2973

    More than a month ago
    Yeah I've always thought the same thing :))))

    Privateer76

    More than a month ago
    Yes - "We don't need men...but we do need cock!"
    Lol

    Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    That's crap - as a bisexual woman, I have NEVER felt the need for penetration -only men think that's all women want.

    THORGODOFTHUNDE

    More than a month ago
    My toung is getting hard just thinking about it.

    cumwithme10

    More than a month ago
    it`s more fun for me to please the women first without penetration,,nothing like taking your time to feel ,touch, play,kiss, lick etc with all the soft smooth parts the the womens body has,,for mine it`s more fun having her ask or even beg you to penetrate her,,it pleasures me more to pleasure her

    Melody2973

    More than a month ago
    Really, so penetration occurs ???, please :))
  6. allinmymind

    More than a month ago
    There goes the idea that sex with a lot of partners equals perfection.

    2ringround

    More than a month ago
    No that just means lots of variety...!!! ;-)

    DeliciousEva

    More than a month ago
    Haha.
    Perfection is overrated.
    Learning, and exploring and constantly educating is where it's at.

    I mean... Imagine if we were all perfect? It'd get boring pretty quickly without new things to learn.
    :)

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