Q: I hope you don't feel this is a silly question as it's something which, as a newly divorced female, is troubling me. I was married for 25 years to a lovely man but we grew apart and now I find myself back in the "dating" game. The problem is my husband was circumcised and looking at some of the profiles there appear to be many guys out there who aren't. Help. What do you do with an uncircumcised penis?
It's absolutely not a silly question, it can be quite daunting not only jumping into the world of dating and sex after a long relationship, but also navigating bodies we're not used to, regardless of specific differences like foreskins or not.
There are a few distinct differences between circumcised and uncircumcised penises, the most obvious one being how they look.
Probably the most common penis type we see in pictures and in things like sex toys is the circumcised ones, the long shaft and the helmet on the top, so it's no wonder that if all you've ever seen in reality and images is one type you're nervous and curious about coming across the other.
An uncircumcised penis, looks a bit like a circumcised one wearing a turtleneck, with the skin of the shaft coming up over the tip. Some foreskins are longer than others so the head isn't visible at all, and others you can see the head peeping out, and as they grow to an erection some foreskins will retract further than others with some showing the full head and others not.
The other distinct difference is in the way it feels, both for you and him. Firstly for you, it will feel like the penis is in a sort of wrap, which essentially it is. You can slide the skin up and down the shaft and it's like a sleeve rubbing the penis. In sex this means there's less friction to the vagina and can actually be more comfortable than constant thrusting, especially if you're sensitive or have low lubrication. Secondly, for him, the foreskin is not just extra skin, there are thousands of nerve endings there so when you tug and stroke and play you may find you need to be a little bit gentler than you've been previously. Also be aware that even though the foreskin moves up and down as you tug, if you pull it down too far it can really hurt!
Probably the best advice I can give you, though, is to actually ask the owner of the penis you're playing with what they like. Be honest. Tell them you've not played with one before and ask them to help you by guiding your hands to show you what they like. It can be really sexy and fun learning all the ways a new partner ticks, so enjoy the journey and have fun! And remember to always look after yourself and have safe sex.