Penises are pretty remarkable things. They are life givers, pleasure givers, turkey slap givers... They can be funny (helicopter anyone?) and they can give away your secret desires (is that a gun in your pocket?).
We here at Adult Match Maker love them. We love the nicknames you give them, the way they feel when we touch them, hey, we even like some of the dick pics we see on your profiles (just please don't PM them without a request, thanks), so we thought we'd come up with a little piece to show you just how amazing and funky they can be. We searched high and low to find some of the more interesting and perhaps left of centre facts we could find, to celebrate the wonder that is your little man between your legs.
No Bones About It
Even though we humans call an erect penis a boner, and even though a huge percentage of mammals on the planet have a little bone called a baculum which rests inside the abdomen until needed (for speed in getting an erection and then the maintaining of it), humans do not have them nor have we had them since before we became (pardon the science pun) Erectus. But apart from us and the spider monkey, every single other primate on the planet has one.
Okay, so you haven't got a bone in your penis, but that doesn't mean it can't break. Oh yes, painfully and unfortunately yes. A broken penis is called a penile fracture and it is caused by accidentally bending or twisting it in a fast jerking bend usually during hardcore sex or masturbation. Girl-On-Top has been the most common position this happens in, usually because the guy lets the girl take over the thrusting duties. Basically the penis slips out and is slammed back in but misses and bends. The stiff membrane tears and there's a very loud pop or crack. The resulting injury is not only horrifically painful, but looks it too. Don't panic too much, though, it's super rare. Only 1600 cases have ever been reported since it was first registered as happening in 1924.
The human body is a remarkable machine and, mixed with scientists who are also pretty darn remarkable, is capable of doing some really amazing things. Although our body is able to heal itself pretty well, sometimes we need a bit of help, and by using the cells from circumcised baby foreskins, scientists have been able to grow brand new skin that is used in grafting burn victims. In fact one baby's foreskin can be used to grow around 4 acres of new skin! Regardless of your feelings on circumcision (we know it's a controversial topic) you've gotta admit that's a pretty awesome medical advancement.
Largest and Probably Not So
The largest penis in the world belongs to a Mexican guy named Roberto Esquivel Cabrera and it measures in at 18.9 inches (that's 48.2 centimetres, guys). That's seriously a whopper! He's an older guy in his 50s and has stated time and time again that it is far more of a curse than a blessing and it has basically ruined his life. No-one will have sex with him, he has never had a long term girlfriend or a wife because it frightens them, he can't work, he can't even walk comfortably sometimes. So maybe don't aspire to be that big, guys. Just love the one you have.
Speaking of world record penis sizes, if you ever get your hands on a copy of the North Korean Book of World Records apparently Kim Jong-il's penis was over three feet long... Hmmm... Considering he was only around 5 feet high himself... Something tells us this is probably not so true.
I was in the Pool !
Ah shrinkage. We all know it happens when the weather gets a bit cooler or you take a dip in cold water, but did you know there are a few more things that can make your penis shrink? Lack of use can cause it to shorten a bit, so lots of sex and masturbation is very healthy for a good sized cock! Excessive smoking and drinking is a very common cause of penile shrinking, as is putting on weight. It's not that it actually shrinks if you get fatter, but it becomes hidden in the excess weight. This condition is known as a buried penis. In fact an overweight man can gain around an inch for approximately every 15-20 kilos he loses... What a great excuse to get to the gym, huh, guys!
I'll Take the Large, Thanks
As well as coloured and ribbed and flavoured and lubricated, condoms come in a variety of sizes, but as much as you guys want to think you're Godzilla in the pants department it's actually really rare that you will need the largest size. In fact, only around 6% of men need to wear anything larger than a regular fit condom, and it's actually really dangerous to buy bigger condoms if you don't need them. Firstly there's the obvious problem of it falling off during intercourse which can lead to all sorts of complications like pregnancy and even death, but it also, from a female's perspective, looks funny. It actually makes your penis look smaller, floating around in a too-big condom. We don't really care about size anyway... We just want to know you can use it properly.
Okay, so we don't really trust the North Korean Record books, but there are a few penis records that are definitely true, and perhaps a little bit bizarre. Included in this awesome list are:
- Porn Actor Azael broke a record with 11 ejaculations in a 24 period while screen testing for an upcoming film he was hoping to make.
- Horst Schultz holds the record for the furthest spurt of semen, managing to get it to fly 5.7 meters!
- In 1995 Mo Ka Wang (no pun, we promise) broke a record lifting 250 pounds (that's over 113 kilos!) from the ground with his penis.
- Masanobu Sato is a young Japanese guy who masturbated straight for over nine hours, giving him the world masturbation championship prize!
So there you go, guys! Your penis is pretty cool! And so are other people's too! In fact, if you're looking after it, treating it well, buying it a nice meal once in a while, your penis will be a source of great times, great laughs and perhaps some great records too! Love your schlong, we certainly do!