Q: Sometimes when I’m having sex with my girlfriend I cum really quickly. She says I shouldn’t worry about it, but I want to make sure I’m lasting for her as well. Is there anything I can do to last longer?
A: Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix for premature ejaculation (despite how much you want to believe that dodgy looking advertisement), but there are a number of techniques we’d like you to try.
First, you should know that it happens to the best of us, it’s totally normal and not anything to worry about.
According to the Mayo Clinic, roughly one in three men experiences premature ejaculation from time to time. For some, it's more than just something that happens when the moment is simply too hot. In these cases, it can be a chronic condition that has some pretty unwelcome side effects on their self-esteem, body image, and sex life.
What causes premature ejaculation?
The causes can be physical or mental, or even a bit of both. Anxiety and stress are always unwanted companions in the bedroom, and both can cause a man to come before he’s ready.
It could also come down to hypersensitivity or technique, or even that sex might be a rare occurrence. If that’s the case, here’s your new best pick up line: “The doctor told me I need to have more sex.”
A few techniques to try
Stop-and-start: Lock the door, crack open the lube and hit play on your favourite porno - you’re going to be having some fun with yourself for this technique. Practice bringing yourself close to orgasm then stopping right before the final act. Get used to the feeling so you know where your tipping point is and so that you can put your skills to the test next time you’re on the edge with a playmate. Practice makes perfect, so off you go then!
Have a warmup round: Got a hot date at 9pm? Get your rocks off before you leave the house at 8.30pm. This one's really not that complicated.
Muscular awareness: Feeling tense? Doing things like holding your breath, flexing your muscles or pushing those muscles to the limit will increase the tension in your body. As a result, your body will be more likely to quickly release that tension in the form of an ejaculation. If you notice you’re in a position that’s tough on your muscles, opt for a change of pace in a new position and mentally calm yourself down. It’s called muscular awareness, and it can help you relieve your tension only when you want to.
Get your Kegel on: Kegels are usually something you’d only read about in women’s mags (or on here, but aimed at our lovely ladies). However, guys can do it too, and it’s a great way to find greater control in your sex life. To practice your kegels, engage the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine mid-stream. If you can isolate and clench this muscle on cue, you can use it to orgasm without ejaculating - or at the very least, slow your roll a little.
Focus on foreplay: This section could really be renamed ‘how to get invited back for seconds’. Spend more time on the foreplay and achieve three things; it will help your playmate catch up, it will make your playmate worship your sexual prowess, and it can slow you down enough to save the fireworks for when you’re ready for them.
The dick squeeze: You can use this one together with the stop-and-start if you need a little extra holding power, but basically, the idea is to give your cock a little squeeze where the shaft meets the glans right before you feel like you're about to come. You'll want to wait about 30 seconds before resuming again.
Climax-control condoms: This may not be a totally ideal solution if you don't feel like relying on any external aids, but until you master the art of zen bonerism, you can try these in the meantime. These condoms contain a gentle anaesthetic that helps reduce sensation - though hardly eliminating it.
If you’ve tried just about everything you can think of and you’re still not getting anywhere – or really, getting everywhere far too quickly - it might be time to have a chat with your GP. Otherwise, however, it’s likely you just need a little more sexual zen and plenty of sexy practice. There’s nothing wrong with a short and sweet quickie, but let us know if you’ve got any tips (pun so very intended) for making it a marathon.