Q: I've long suspected that my vagina isn't what you'd call a "tight pussy". I haven't had any complaints lol but no "wow you're tight down there" either. I've always been sexually active so maybe it's related(?) Is there anything I can do to tighten things up, or is this problem all in my head?
A: Stop right there - you’ve hit upon a major myth that causes a lot of unnecessary anxiety among sexually active women! Vaginal tightness has absolutely nothing to do with how much intercourse you have. That's because the muscles down there are elastic enough to return to their normal shape after sex - even with the girthiest guys - and even after having a baby.
What a lot of women do experience is a gradual loosening as they age. When your estrogen levels drop, you do lose some of that elasticity. There’s nothing abnormal about this - think about the rest of your skin. Age means looser skin, and there’s not much you can do about that except embrace it!
However, if age isn't the issue it's probably safe to assume you're merely made that way - and what a great way to be made! Think of it this way: some women have the opposite problem, in which the vagina is overly tight, making sex difficult or painful. Moreover, think of all the "opportunities" this "opens" up for you. Fisting, anyone?
If you're still feeling self conscious, there are things you can do.
One time-tested approach is Kegels. This is when you contract your pelvic floor muscle (as you do when you stop the flow of urine). If you're fitness-minded, try doing six sets of 10 Kegels per day. This could also have the added benefit of giving you stronger, more pleasurable orgasms. And for any guys reading this, Kegel exercises aren't just for the girls and we talked about it in this Q&A blog article.
If you prefer props when you exercise, you can also purchase mini barbells for your vagina (adorable, right?), or little balls or cones. You can practise walking around your house with them inside of you. The trick is to keep them from falling out, and as you practice, your muscles will naturally become stronger. LELO Luna Beads are probably the most popular on the market.
That said, your approach to sexy-time can make a huge difference as well. Cut back on sex positions that open you up (such as man-on-top, woman's-legs-on-his-shoulders). Instead, opt for a configuration that will allow you to squeeze your legs together and create a tighter cushion: missionary with your legs squeezed together or sideways spooning, for example.