So you're capable of commanding an entire room at a party, but you're completely gun-shy when it comes to engaging in some blush-worthy pillow talk when the lights turn low. We can't entirely blame you! Many of us get our first exposure to dirty talk through poorly scripted porn or erotic fiction that's downright laughable.
While it's entirely possible that it's simply not your cup of tea, you'll never know your potential to become a spoken-word Casanova until you embrace the potential awkwardness and give it a go.
It's comforting to know that a lot of the things people say to each other in the heat of the moment look a little ridiculous on paper. And while it’s inevitable that at some point you’ll say something that sounds a bit awkward, sex should be fun, so laugh it off and get back to business.
And what sounds goofy to one partner might make someone else hot. There's no one-size-fits-all formula and it's about finding out what pushes your partner's buttons. Remember that dirty talk isn't disrespectful, it's behind doors sex play. Dirty talk can be fun because it gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in an experience where the usual rules and limits don't apply.
Breaking the ice
Shyness is usually the biggest barrier for most people when it comes to talking dirty. Before you launch into it make sure you have the conversation with your sexual partner and gauge their comfort level and establish some boundaries. Ask them if there are any words or phrases they're not ok with. Even simple things like preferring "dick" or "penis". There is no magic formula, everyone is different.
Ok, so you've had the discussion, you know the limits - that's the easy part. How do you know what to say?
Subtlety can be massively sexy when you're just warming up, so start with some soft-core (tamer) lines and then build up to the real sheet clutching material as you gain confidence.
Soft-core dirty talk is all about using phrases you're familiar with and a seductive tone to start setting the scene. Ease into it by describing what you're doing. "I love it when you ...", "I'm going to ...", "I'd really love you to ..."
This type of dirty talk may not seem too wild, but dirty talk doesn't have to be vulgar and if you’re used to keeping mum in the bedroom, then this is a really simple technique to try. And remember, it's not just what you say it's how you say it. The tone of your voice and the speed you deliver the line can make a huge difference in delivering your lines effectively.
Let's assume that since you've read this far, you're eager to add some scandalous one-liners to your repertoire.
Dirty talk usually involves one of the following things:
- Telling someone what you want to do to them or have them do to you: "You'll be begging me to put my cock inside you after I've finished eating your pussy."
- Talking about how good [given sexy action] feels or how much you love what they're doing: "I love the sounds you make when you're just about to come. It really turns me on."
- Complimenting your partner on their body or sexual prowess: "You really know what you’re doing with that tongue!”
- Role play, sexual fantasies or pushing boundaries beyond vanilla sex: "I think I should spank that sweet ass of yours 'cos you've been naughty!"
- Reliving shared sexual experiences: "Remember when we went to dinner and I didn't wear panties. I was so fucking wet by the time we got back to your place."
And we might be talking about oral sex (pardon the pun) but don't forget eye contact as you tell him "I'm going to take your cock in my mouth and show you what a dirty little slut I can be!" will totally push most guys over the edge.
Remember to be descriptive, be creative and watch for the clues to see what is and isn't working. If your partner groans every time you mention spanking or restraining him/her during sex then take the cue and push those boundaries. Dirty talk might be an art but being able to back it up is a gift.
Most importantly, have fun and relax! Your dirty talk will only succeed if you allow yourself to giggle when something doesn’t come out right.