Is your Online Dating Profile Guilty of These Turn Offs

by Profile Diva - 05 February 2014 - 62 Member Comments
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Gentlemen!

I’m the Profile Diva and I’m here to give you a woman’s point of view on how you can improve your online dating experience and attract the women you want.

This is the second in a series of three articles that focus on the three key areas that men need to get right to maximise their online dating success: Photos, Profiles, and First Messages.

If you missed my first article "Online Dating Photo Failures Men Should Avoid" you will find it in the Adult Match Maker blog under "Singles & Dating".

So, before we get on to the Top 3 Profile Pitfalls, let me give you a refresher course on some general principles that you may or may not know about women and online dating:

  • Women, especially when they are new to a dating site, are literally bombarded with messages and winks from men. It is not uncommon for women to receive up to 1000 messages in a week.
  • Women need more than just a photo to feel attracted to a man, even if they are just looking for something casual.
  • Women are usually not in a rush to meet up and generally like to have an online chat, a couple of emails, or a phone call to feel comfortable.

So, taking these principles into account, the three things you need to master online are:

  • The ability to stand out in the crowd.
  • A willingness to share details about who you are.
  • The patience to take a little time for seduction and building attraction.

There’s a lot of advice out there about how to write an online dating profile. In particular, there’s a lot of advice for men on how to use certain lines, tactics and scripts to attract women.

I’m not a big fan of this brand of advice because it just results in every man’s profile sounding exactly the same, and not containing any real, authentic details that will grab a woman’s attention and hold it. This is the logic behind my first profile pitfall.

1. Not Enough Information

Just as a photo alone is not enough to cultivate strong attraction in women, a profile that just has a few lines, or is full of generic pick-up artist scripts does not give women something real to be attracted to.

Women tend to read every word of a man’s profile, and they do this because they want to gauge whether or not there is the potential for the 3 C’s: Chemistry, Compatibility and Conversation. These 3 C’s + physical attraction are what make up a woman’s mind about whether or not she wants to get to know you.

Even women who are just looking for something casual still want to feel some level of compatibility with a man, and they certainly want to feel like they will have fun with you whether or not your clothes are on or off.

I have read so many men’s profiles that are barely even filled out, or only have a few cheesy lines about what type of “hot fun” they’re looking for. This lack of real, authentic information is a major mistake which sabotages your success online.

The bottom line is you have to give a woman some details about who you are if you want to generate real attraction. You don’t have to tell your life story, or divulge deeply personal details. You just need to provide basic information about who you are and why you are different from all those other guys who are filling up her inbox.

2. No Photo

Guys, I know it’s sometimes desirable (or essential) to keep your identity under wraps online, but I believe it is virtually impossible to attract a real woman without a photo. Full Stop.

I’ve run across so many profiles that either make me jump through 5 security hoops to view a man’s photos, or don’t provide any at all, that I wonder if those men are actually serious about connecting with me.

Having an online dating profile with no photo is like having one with no age or gender. You’re withholding a vital piece of information that women need to feel that spark of attraction and interest. Doing this simply makes it easier for them to just move on to the next guy.

Remember, women get so many messages from men who DO provide a photo, that profiles without photos just get put on the back burner or ignored altogether. Avoid this pitfall, man up and post a photo. You’ll have more success online if you do.

3. It's Not All About You

This last pitfall is an all too common one, and although it might seem subtle, it really should be avoided. So many men who actually put some time into writing a profile spend all of the space talking about who they are, what they’ve accomplished, and what they want from a woman.

While these details are fine, they aren’t the most powerful means of attracting women, and often send the message that you’re just selfishly concerned with your own gratification.

Maybe that IS all you’re concerned with, but I’d suggest that changing your focus will help attract more women and hold their attention.

Instead of going on and on about what you want, spend a few sentences talking about what you are willing to do for any woman lucky enough to spend some time with you.

Just like you, women are interested in lovers that will give them pleasure, pay attention to their wants and needs, and not just run their personal porn script on them when the lights go out.

Include details about how you enjoy pleasing a woman, rather than how a woman can please you, and you’ll be on your way to generating real attraction.

So guys, that’s all for now, but keep a lookout for my third and final article in this series where I’ll be tackling the tricky topic of First Messages and the common mistakes men make when approaching women online.

If you need some help with your profile, or online dating in general, contact me via the link below.

Happy Dating!

Profile Diva XXX

62 Member Comments

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  1. more4u19

    More than a month ago
    Speaking from personal experience. Most women on these sites should ask themselves the question as to why they are on these sites. If women are bombarded with messages then go to the pub...... oh but they are full of dickheads and every guy comes on to me. yes that is nature in all animal species its the male trying to attract the female. human females are no different as males we will try to get the opposite gender to notice us, It's not our problem if the ratio between men and women is unbalanced on these sites and as far as I knew women out populate the world compared to men so why do women find it so hard to find a bloke?
  2. Life2.0

    More than a month ago
    There's plenty of examples of profiles - of all genders and orentation - where all these critisims are valid.

    But, they can easily be overcome with an introduction message (perhaps after they have viewed your profile), with unlocked face pix in a private gallery, and an encouragement to communicate. Unfortunately, no response is common, and in some cases it's an instant blocking with no opportunity to re-engage.

    I can understand why: the gender imbalance on AMM (at the time of writing this in QLD: 177M vs 30F online) means women recieve an avalanche of interest so it can become off-putting. It also means they don't have to actively seek.

    I'm coming to the conclusion that generally women don't actively seek, and men "over-seek", making introductional messages harder to cut through... with the core problem being the gender imbalance on AMM.
  3. hornyhillbilly

    More than a month ago
    advice is always good hope it works.what about the women alot not much 2 go on
  4. andy365247

    More than a month ago
    thankyou for your understanding!!
  5. genuinecpl2014

    More than a month ago
    Hmmmm just an observation, but most of the guys disagreeing with the blog have no profile pic. Crazy! how can they expect to meet anyone online, both cpls & females want to see a pic first, prior to any contact.
  6. Stacey444

    More than a month ago
    I agree with most of these. I would also add, Men please thoroughly read the profiles, if she has an age/ height requirement, you can be pretty sure she's included it because she's serious.
    If I'm into swinging, and you're not....don't bother contacting me, and certainly don't abuse me for it, when it was clear on my profile.
  7. petite.rocket

    More than a month ago
    Taureanmix - I agree, as long as people aren't hurtful then it can be a great experience.
    Trythishard1 - isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? You write that 'so many people on here are so judgemental' yet have a go at people's opinions on here. If we women want intelligent conversation, and that's what you can bring to the table or not what you want, then that's ok. Go for the women who aren't intelligent. Seems a no-brainer to me. Leaves the intelligent guys for us intelligent women. You said 'I wouldn't criticise', yet you do....
  8. petite.rocket

    More than a month ago
    Guys - if you think you're profile is perfect and you're hot shit, and that any suggestions in this article are absurd, then why come and read it? When I read opinions that talk up how good you are, it screams to me, "actually I'm a bit fake but I'll push the issue to make it look like I'm an awesome alpha male".

    Dick shots - some chicks like em, some don't. Don't complain you a) aren't getting any winks/replies but also b)won't consider for a moment in adding any other pics.

    Final thought, its an adult site. Doesn't say NSA only. I've met people on here for NSA, we clicked, led to relshp or close friendship. If people are honest from the start, what does it matter what our reasons are for coming on here. Lets just take a chill pill and enjoy the ride.
  9. Taureanminx

    More than a month ago
    I just read this article and found it so refreshing and can relate to many of the points Profile Diva makes...I agree with Icelady121....a little chuckle does make you want to respond ..its the chat later that will determine a meet or no meet thats for sure.
    Yes we are judgemental trythishard1 but thats life and as long as we arent hurtful...it should be a positive experience.
  10. trythishard1

    More than a month ago
    I realize men and women are generally vastly different but I really find it ironic and slightly humorous that so many females list "intelligent conversation" as predominant skill their ideal partner should have . This isn't an online book club !! :-) I'm not saying I wouldn't be interested in those profiles , I certainly wouldn't criticise them , but I'm more likely to be interested in a sexually explicit profile . Point is , everybody is different and people need to respect that . So many people on here are so judgemental
  11. Icelady121

    More than a month ago
    hmmm interesting ,,,
    . From a females point of view you can't beat the humorous , light hearted first message !
    It grabs my attention , i smile & can't help but reply to this guy thats just made me laugh after all the ,, YOU ARE HOT ! LOVE YOUR PICS ! messages i find this refreshing .
    Sincerity & honesty are great qualities , often women can look past the average looking guy if she feels he's genuine.
    Being a nice guy never goes out of fashion !
    but thats just my opinion
  12. Easy2Adore

    More than a month ago
    Just as a footnote regarding pics...
    I don't think any woman is interested or attracted to a pic of a man holding up a dead fish, unless she works for the department of Fisheries.

  13. loveboobs51

    More than a month ago
    A fake profile,male or female.is bad,and a big turnoff,,we all know of them and i think after a few weeks on here,you can tell them , and doing somthing behind your partners back is even worse,if you are genuine short or long profile dont matter,,
  14. Achinglips

    More than a month ago
    It is flattering to receive messages and compliments.
    When the messages get into the hundreds in a week it is overwhelming.
    One clear problem is guys see your pic and them send a message. They forget to read your requirements. If they do read your requirements they send you a message telling you why even though they don't fit the criteria you should give them a go.
    The problem this creates is
    1.a total inability to return all messages - people may get annoyed when you don't return their messages but how do you respond to 15 pages of messages. That is hundreds of messages.
    2. The people you do want to meet, chat to, swap numbers with get pushed to the bottom of the pile because messages keep coming in.
    3. Because the ppl you have an intention to meet with gets pushed constantly to the bottom they get very annoyed - rightly so
    4. The constant emails becomes like your work inbox. You have to keep on top of it
    5. Time wasting fake profiles- guys pretending to be bi girls or couples. They are quite a few.



    WeCould

    More than a month ago
    Sorry, but complaining about an overflowing inbox is a cop out. Its a simple matter of tightening your filters. For some reason, women universally cannot grasp the concept. Not on this site, or any other site.
  15. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Excellent comments, Huntedsnark - I also dislike seeing the pics that look like they belong in a Gynecological textbook :-) And, yes, you are right about the site - it may be a sex site, but that doesn't mean that one can't also expect a bit of respect and friendship, as well. For me, in fact, it's essential - I'm not interested in men who consider sex a purely biological function!
  16. Huntedsnark

    More than a month ago
    I think that some equality in approaches is worth considering. Whenever I get contacted by someone and they are not what I am looking for, I always send a "thanks but no thanks" message.
    However if I send a message it is rare to get a similar response - rare but it does happen. If we expect a degree of respect then we should display a similar degree of respect.
    I have never considered a cock shot as something for my profile - no problems with others doing that but of all the first impressions I would chose to make thats not it.
    Similarly the first thing that I want to see on a woman's profile is not a pic that would make their gyno blush.
    While I get and understand that this is a sex site maybe we should all remember sex is a broader human function rather than just a mere genital function.
  17. aenima81

    More than a month ago
    The best is when a female says no cock pics and their profile is full of pussy shots and a cock in their mouth, or when they expect a face pic in the public gallery yet dont have one themselves.
  18. chiron11

    More than a month ago
    To the girls posting a pic of the g string adorned back end as their profile pic: I at least, would like to see your face before your asshole. If one can't show their face, their are lots of other tasteful alternatives. As far as cock shots go, I felt a little pressured to put mine up, but now upon reading comments, I'm taking mine down, thanks for the advice girls.
  19. Bud009

    More than a month ago
    It is interesting to read the comments by the writers. Most important thing is respect for everyone on the site and understanding that we are all not going to pickup or get replies to what we send off. We all would like to think we have got a chance at having some play time, that is what keeps us on the site after all. So i can only hope to have a few messages returned if I send them off even if it is to say hi how was your day or simply not interested.
  20. renegadetilt

    More than a month ago
    I agree with Pauls49 - face pics are risky for a variety of reasons - deal with it. Oh...and one more thing...if dick pics are such a turn off ladies, then consider this: not every guy wants to see photos of tits, tatts & twats. Granted, many, many guys like to see that. That's their choice. Try leave something to the imagination, or better still, for a possible meet. Don't think you're the only ones with standards!
  21. Pauls49

    More than a month ago
    Although I agree on some things in this "help" section, I also agree with many of the comments. Yes there are going to be women who get a high number of winks and messages, this is expected. I must agree with Matty3253. Women certainly do have to lower their expectations. This IS a SEX site, and not for finding a life partner! Personally I believe that those profiles should be banned. My profile, I admit I am not the best profile writer but it is me and I will not pretend to be otherwise. As far as public pictures are concerned, I do NOT want family or friends discovering my presence here. What I do is none of their business. Just because I do not have a public facial pic does not mean I am an ogre or have anything else to hide. As is written in my profile, anyone who posts a facial pic is risking their safety, it is stupid to do so. Again it is my belief that this site is a medium to connect people who have similar interests or curiosity to make contact. Not trying to sound desperate, I care not on another's appearance. As long as they are clean, discreet and drug free I am here to enjoy new experiences whether one off or an ongoing adventure, preferably the latter.
  22. Matty3253

    More than a month ago
    Strikes me this dating portal is overrun with users who look like absolute train wrecks and yet have the hide to expect Brad Pitt.
    Giving themselves the most idiotic titles and listing all these adventurous sexual interests then in real life coming across as unobtainable.
    As one previous poster stated go join e Harmony, or better still go join a church congregation.
  23. renegadetilt

    More than a month ago
    Whilst I don't subscribe to sending crude messages and having photos of my private parts, some people need to wake up to the reality of this site. It is essentially a consensual adult sex site. Make no mistake about it, this blog is possibly the most condescending piece I have read on this site yet; disguised as 'help'. Have a look at the profiles of some women on here. Read them carefully. Then, look at their expectations. Get real. Someone said in an earlier post, if you seek your life partner, examine very carefully if this site is the place to find such a person. Hey, some might, but as a general rule, I'm guessing that isn't the main aim on here. Also, if you think a near thesis long profile makes for interesting reading, then you a) leave nothing for conversation and b) must be bored as hell to be sitting on here reading profile after profile. Lastly, there are many women on here that think by insulting males in their profiles is showing strength, independence and wit. It shows the opposite. Some men deserve a serving, but boy, some of the women on here rightfully deserve to be the object of derision given the lack of "netiquette" and downright rudeness. Good luck to all!
  24. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    I really wish more men would read this blog - just doing a search and OMG - so many boring, uninformative profiles
  25. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Great comment, SharedMILF. Back in the days when my 2nd husband and I were into swinging, when people used to send you letters, we had an allowance of only 2 spelling mistakes per letter - any more than that and into the bin it went :-)
  26. HotwifeB

    More than a month ago
    Two real gems in these two articles. One: cock shots. An absolute turn off. I don't go further. Two, we get about 400 a week. We reply to nice mesages, but not to obvious bogans who say 'use', yous' or any other terrible english.

    Miss B
  27. Dolphhh

    More than a month ago
    What I find offensive is you have a few emails with a guy you think and I use the work *think* very loosely here they have some substance to them and then you swap mobiles and the first pic they send is of their dick, like WTF!!!! I never asked for that pic and when I have said it was inappropriate and lose my number I get called names through text messages. I had to threaten one guy with the police if he persisted. So guys have the decency to ask first especially if these conversations have never had sexual connotations in them to start with.
    This maybe a sex site but we arent all hookers and mattresses.
  28. Leolady727

    More than a month ago
    Willinged666 - that's not completely true. Sure, women can sometimes be as superficial as men but, if you're talking about yourself well, you don't say all that much on your profile. Really, you need to say a bit more about yourself and what you're looking for, rather than expecting potential matches to play 20 questions
  29. willinged666

    More than a month ago
    AT the end of the day it comes down to what you look like.You could have the best profile on here
    but looks are the thing.
  30. LeoVirgo.and

    More than a month ago
    Very good advice here. Guys - most women do NOT want to see a picture of your cock. Really, if it's the most attractive part of you that's not saying much.

    So many guys have sketchy profiles and no information or photo. As the writer says, you are competing with guys who take the time to write an informative profile and include a facial picture - guess who's going to win?
  31. paddy138

    More than a month ago
    What chance have we got if they get a thousand messages in a month and they normally dont like phone numbers.
  32. Clickable

    More than a month ago
    I've that heard that women who post a profile pic may receive 300 to 500 messages in one day or two! So, how do they cope, or for that matter....men in approaching this serious imbalance?

    I totally understand no mortal can respond to that much mail, let alone all that attention, as flattering as that may be.
    For me, it is appreciated when someone does reply with an intelligent response especially when you have made an effort to elicit an equally intelligent reply.
    For privacy reasons many people don't wish to display a public photo and that is perfectly understandable. Personally it's better to have public photo with a little sense of mystery and have a private gallery, with clear face and body pics.
    The level of how explicit people choose to display themselves is entirely up to them, and who they choose to reveal to.
    Most importantly, when you meet someone you are not going to be looking at their genitalia. As they say, first impressions count.
  33. NSAinSydney

    More than a month ago
    Another vote in favour of cock shots. Ideally not ALL cock shots and maybe not ones taken in a filthy bathroom. Women aren't just looking at your cock in the pic but the composition of the photo and how you are choosing to represent yourself.

    Profiles with too many 'unspecified' and a negative tone to them are blocked almost immediately.

    The ratios are vastly in our favour here and there are some really funny, clever and very witty and interesting profiles - its always disappointing to come across ones that give me zero insight into the brain that sometimes drives the cock over there.
  34. elizadolittle

    More than a month ago
    Great advice, also women prefer nice shots of men and not dick pics. Also guys read a woman's profile too my guys judge on looks alone and may never find the right one.
  35. MissChievousMe

    More than a month ago
    Great advice Diva! I know many men that need to read this!
  36. MissChievousMe

    More than a month ago
    I began by replying to the inundation of messages, thanks, but no thanks, only to receive responses varying between 'f**k you' & 'c'mon just chat some more' so, now, no response, for me, means I'm not interested. Bitchy or not, it says what's intended. Thanks, but no thanks. We can't all be compatible, keep seeking I say... Just have some fun peoples!
  37. Nastyazz

    More than a month ago
    Ladies it isnt rsvp, MR right isnt likely to be on here. It is basically a sex site....
  38. crikat

    More than a month ago
    Put your name (or pseudonym ) to your message, try to write more than three words and do your best to explain why this woman/guy should notice you. respect the profile of the person you are trying to have sex with, if they are looking for a partner age min say 45 and you are 22 you have Buckley's chance of getting there and if your profile says likewise as a minimum don't go trying to connect with someone outside of your preferred range.
  39. mrmeaner39

    More than a month ago
    there's plenty of female profiles on here that must barely pass muster too...little or no info and no pics, not even a private gallery. we get bagged for 'hiding' but do they?
  40. 6Mick8

    More than a month ago
    There's a couple I've met up with that are genuine ladies. But the majority of females here are certainly not models and yet aim very high. Not to mention not even bothering with a pic, now that's really lame of them. I think the women here need to lower their expectaions a bit and they might actually be happy.
  41. SanD59

    More than a month ago
    Good advice, as a bloke it is a good thing to take a step back from your profile and take a look at it using what little feminine side you have…….. harder for some…. The first thing that catches the female eye is either a good pic, usually a nicely dressed and clean bloke, not looking directly at the camera, or at the phone in a selfie. And your User name, come on men use a bit of thought and originality. "pornstar" is never a good bait, or is "Ivegotabigone" lol all you will catch is yourself…. have a look at how the women pick usernames for themselves. Create a bit of mystery and colour in how you describe yourself and whom you are looking for. Don't say "I want a shaved pussy" how about "I love the pleasure of erotic massage over smooth skin with scented oils"
    Your profile has to be enticing and evocative, save some mystery for when you begin to correspond.
    Hope this helps.
  42. maturemale

    More than a month ago
    What I find most frustrating is when a lady sends a wink (presumably indicating their interest in you), and you message them back (showing your interest) you never hear from them again! What's that about?
  43. Vix33n

    More than a month ago
    What The Profile Diva has said is true, also good grammar goes a long way. If you are out in public and are approached by someone who speaks like an ocker, it's not going to put forward the best impression. It's the same with grammar. So guys, learn how to use capital letters and write half decent messages.
    And yes, girls might receive a message, look at your profile, and not write back. Just like in public if you try to crack on to someone, they might not be interested, and might ignore you as you are the 100th person to approach them that night.

    The more effort you out into your profile, the more chance you have to get laid.
  44. nightal

    More than a month ago
    just goes to show that no matter how many times you've been told and how many times you've been proven wrong DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER !!!and all that sparkles aint gold
  45. happyjoining

    More than a month ago
    yes...i find 'clickable' exactly correct...ALWAYS BE CURTEOUS AND EVEN SHORT REPLY IS OK...deny me a reply, and i never contact again...........
  46. trythishard1

    More than a month ago
    Sure , a lot of females don't like cock pics , but there are plenty who do !! I choose to proudly display mine for all to see because that turns me on . If a person is turned off or offended by it , that's they're problem , not mine . Being criticised because you are an exhibitionist , on an adult site ! Give me a break !! If they don't want to see them there are plenty of mainstream dating sites that would better suit their needs . I only want to meet people who are stimulated by seeing a nice piece anyway . I have a chuckle when I read , " seen one , seen em all "..... what planet are they from . :-)
  47. Clickable

    More than a month ago
    Dear Ms Diva,
    There is no formula for this type of dating and we would be fools to say there is, purely because of the ratio of men to women on this site. I can imagine most women would be utterly jaded after receiving the 500th "... you like to f*#K" type of message.

    I do agree a little detail goes a long way. I just find it very disheartening when one presents oneself with an open heart and yes, recent clear pictures and then gets no response to a genuine message.
    A friend of mine says its better to make a new profile on a regular basis to keep things fresh. Interesting....
    The Chameleon approach.

    As we know this internet dating is full of pitfalls and perils, for those who can navigate our way through the minefield or play the game of 'hopscotch" and make a few friends along the way, that's a bonus.
    I only wish there were more people who could stand out from the crowd and clearly articulate what they want and at the very least.. a polite reply. This goes for men and women and couples.
    (:-)
  48. eligh007

    More than a month ago
    very true about C*** shots, not exactly the head shot we are after guys, a toothless blind rat, cant wait for that....not
  49. Coquinesque

    More than a month ago
    I like a male profile that has something about them but I don't need to know how awesome you think you are. Just tell me about you. I am more likely to want to start up a conversation with someone who sends me a message and has a profile that has some detail.

    The ones that say "People say I'm cute/hot/sexy" and "ask me" in their personal sections and then in their ideal partner section say "I'll know when I see it" is also a huge waste of time.
  50. SpankingYou

    More than a month ago
    90% of women do not read profiles, they want to see a pic and thats it! There are some women (rare as hens teeth) that can actually have a conversation and want to know more then what you look like.
  51. UnderTaker452

    More than a month ago
    well what to say,
    get rid off the fake profile`s,pretending there a cpl but it`s only a guy for a start,and change the rules when us guys sign up we have to play to go in the chat room,but the ladie do the same they get it free,and I think that damn stink`s,another thing is when us guys do send a msg the ladie go in our profile but don't say shit and we msg them ,why cant they tell that..
  52. chrisclaud2012

    More than a month ago
    get rid of the dick pics in your public gallery.
    biggest turn off ever...
  53. adssss

    More than a month ago

    Profile pics of most women are probably fake anyway + if they really want a pic they can always just ask for one.........no need for it to be in the public domain........
  54. MrSmellsGood

    More than a month ago
    Thanks , sometimes I feel like I am trying to hook up with a snow leopard in the Simpson desert .

    Joining4Fun

    More than a month ago
    A brilliant description ... it seems possible now we have gps in our phones :)
  55. Thick.n.uncut

    More than a month ago
    Advice for everyone, if someone has sent you a message or wink, reply to it. Even if it's to say thanks but no thanks otherwise you're just being rude.

    LathamMan

    More than a month ago
    Agreed. And don't send a tirade of rudeness and ignorance.
  56. monitorlizard

    More than a month ago
    Good information, I agree....but why is it aimed only at men? Plenty of female profiles out there with barely any information and no photo...they get skipped just as quickly.
  57. hotboylad

    More than a month ago
    Very good information you have given
  58. dougie5

    More than a month ago
    is this a free service being offed????,
    I feel most people are genuine when they fill out there profile, I know I am,
    is it not people's choice as to genuine reasons why they don't add certain aspects to their profile without being judged wrongly, if they have honest reason for not putting in something some may expect they should, Cheers.
  59. GoldCheeks

    More than a month ago
    An area where some help would be great, Thanks

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