Article originally posted on The Love Life Blog
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations.
Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become ‘hardened’ to the subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes.
The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be.
To do this, you need to approach intercourse slowly, tenderly and gently. You won’t awaken the subtle ecstasy with vigorous stimulation. So follow this general approach:
- Make sure you are beautifully aroused: be in a lovely environment, take your time with non-genital connection (kissing, touch, hugging, eye gazing, etc) to become aroused. You are aiming for a soft, warm arousal here, not a highly intense sexual excitement.
- When you feel like inviting your partner’s penis to enter you, move into a comfortable position for entry. You can be reclining on your back with him approaching between your legs, or twist your hips a little to the side so he can enter from the side in scissors position. If you’d rather be the one on top, that’s fine too.
- Have his penis rest at the entrance to your vagina. Take some moments, or even a minute, to simply feel the contact between the head of his penis and the entrance to your vagina. Notice how that feels in your genitals, in your heart, in your whole body. Try looking into each other’s eyes as you do this, then close them, and feel the difference.
- When you’re ready, allow him to slowly, slowly enter you. Relax your vagina and really get a sense of welcoming him in, allowing your vagina to envelop and hold his penis. Be aware moment by moment of the sensations of penis and vagina uniting.
- Allow him to enter you fully and deeply. Once fully in, be still. Focus on your breathing, allowing everything to be still and peaceful. Notice the sensations.
- Keeping your vagina relaxed, caress his penis with your vaginal muscles, stroking his penis as though you were stroking a cat, smoothly and sensually. Then relax and feel.
- Allow your pelvis to move ever so slightly, in little circles or forward and back. Notice any sensations. When you’re ready, allow him to start moving inside you - slowly, tenderly and with utter presence. He needs to make every stroke count.
When you first start making love in this way, you may not feel much at all, as you are so used to intensity, your vagina is unable to feel subtlety. Keep practicing and over time you will find your vagina opening up and receiving fully, allowing the most wonderful sensations to flow within you and between you.
You may also find that it brings up strong emotions. Many vaginas have hardened due to the repeated ‘penetration’ - an aggressive approach on the part of the penis that requires the vagina to go into defensive mode, literally ‘steeling’ itself for the anticipated attack. In allowing your vagina to relax and soften, and to welcome in the penis, this can unblock emotions. If this happens, simply allow yourself to feel those emotions, and allow your partner to be present with you as this happens. A similar experience can be had by the man, as he feels for the first time truly welcomed and embraced by the vagina.
When you make love in this way, you are ‘plugging in’ to each other, the positive and negative, masculine and feminine, yin and yang uniting. Rather than two genitals having a physical friction based arousal, you’re allowing a meeting of subtle energies. The exquisite sensations this can produce, and the true feeling of love and connection between two lovers, is indescribable.
To learn more about becoming more fully into your feminine and being able to soften and open up in this way, I recommend you attend my women's Tantra Fusion workshop Luscious Woman.